It would have been better for me if I had started an amends process when I was much younger and then stuck to a protocol that kept me from having to make amends in the first place. What I didn't know back when I was younger was that peace of mind and sense of purpose would be my greatest achievements. I was like many who are/were stubborn to listening to others in order to find their nuggets of wisdom and instead considered only my own ego. Such is my fate now many years later having to recount my, at times, ineffective and harmful past in order to find peace in my present and future. My conscious is after all my constant companion and that it is in a state of unease at times is all the indication I need to know that something I have done is still unresolved. So much of my time is now spent in reflecting on my past in areas that I am least proud to have experienced. It is my duty to myself though and therefore I must expose what I was to myself in order to objectively understand and then make the appropriate amends where possible. Let me say this about making amends, it is not a cure all for every situation. It is only a public/private acknowledgement that I have harmed someone/something in some way and it bothers me to carry it around as a secret. Secrets are not for hiding our defects, secrets are for trusting others with things of value. The sooner I admit to myself the errors of my life and turn them around to make them a character building dynamic, the sooner I get to find that happy place in my mind that has a serene and peaceful reflection from my inside out to my outside. Beauty is deeper than our skin and such is the same for the peace I seek for my mind and soul.
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