I used to think, check that, was conditioned early on that doing whatever it took to further my economic betterment, reasonably within acceptable business norms, was how I was supposed to approach making decisions about my life. For the first part of my life I didn't question that paradigm since it seemed to be what everyone else was also doing. I was just following what I had learned as the way things were done. Until I realized the shadier side of the competition. Often I found that by subtle or brutish manipulation, I could sway circumstances to my advantage. Not really being fair but regardless, acceptable it seemed. The problem with that is though despite the rush of "winning" at whatever need I felt I deserved, I didn't ever feel good about myself. I finally came to realize that I was in an internal struggle with myself. The accepted more's of business did not line up with the truth of honor and justice. I couldn't look at myself in mirror and be proud of who I was. Not only that but I couldn't logically defend my acts based upon my behavior without being untruthful. It didn't take me long to figure out that living my life and competing within interests of the business arena, had to be reconfigured. No longer did I accept that the reasonable practices of business were good enough. What was best for me was to be an honorable man and that more often than not that didn't square with acceptable business practices. I came to know that being an honorable and respectable person required me to be truthful in all my dealings regardless of disadvantages that exposed me to in dealing with economic issues. Furthermore, I came to realize that in being truthful in all the situations of my life I was rewarded with a peaceful disposition. A calming of my soul in that I didn't have to remember the shadier parts of my behaviors because they were no longer evident. The trade off has been an unparalleled sense of living a just life that frankly, no amount of economic success could afford.
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