Conscious as a directive (#366)

I am a free will spirit inhabiting a human form. By the fact that my spirit and my human form have a symbiotic relationship, both have equal duties to reflect and preserve what I am trying to become. This is my take on how I exist. My spirit has a carefree, emotional approach to the wonders of existence and my human form has desires that need to be addressed. The one internal link that I have between these two complexities is my conscious thought. It is as if it is the arbiter between two divergent and dynamic compulsions. For lack of a better term I will consider my conscious as my logical guide. Or more descriptively, my Maintenance Director. Either way my conscious acts as the chief, responsible to maintain order within the chaotic existence I call me. Now, lets get even more complex about my conscious. It is more than just logical it has an element of learned common sense as well. All of these impulses, desires, abstractions, common sense and logic being considered for action on my part within seconds or split-seconds for reasoning and analysis. My my, the human experience is as difficult as any other rationale known to existence. I am just humbled by the fact of my life and what definitions I am able to coax from it.

The mastery of my soul (#365)

Hahahahahahaha. Well I want to attempt to define what I mean by this title. My soul does not really need mastering per se, but in the spirit of what I am trying to explain let's consider it thus. My mind is one entity within me that has a direct link to my soul, however the link appears to be secondary. My soul, in other words, is not the primary concern of my mind. This is an important distinction because my mind acts as the filter for my thoughts and with all the temptations available to me through my five senses, other considerations frequently are weighed more heavily than that of my soul. My soul is my spirit and emotional center. My soul dictates outward that compassion, above all else, is it's primary concern. The conflict arises when my mind attempts to override my soul and establish a different criteria of "sensation experience" as the overriding emotion in my life. This is not uncommon and is an affliction of ego-based thinking since the dawn of human life. Emotional experiences and sensation experiences are two different forms. My emotional experience is brought about by my soul as a validation of it's function. My sensation experience is brought about by my imagination and it's seductive appeal. Emotion is a natural instinct inherited through genetics. Sensation is brought about by environmental factors outside my being. My mind needs to be always aware of the difference between the two and I must remain vigilant to the fact that my soul is more important to me than any temporary sensation that my mind may desire.

The search for the best good (#364)

If you read the title of this post you now know the purpose for which I continue to quest for. I have no other reason for living. I must search for the best in all the things I recognize because that is my impulse. This inherent instinct within me directs my thoughts and emotions. I am a willing contributor to this search for the best because it signifies everything that I hold valuable. I have allowed myself to choose the greatest phenomena I know; that being good. I have all my better and best moments, I'll write it again, ALL my better and best moments when I am experiencing good. I am often told that I strive too hard to be good or to be the best I can be. This type of sentiment, though meant as an endearment, is incorrect in it's presumption. It isn't the arrival at some form of good or best that is my ultimate purpose, instead it is in the striving, the striving to achieve an ultimate good or best. The outcome is beyond my ability to control, however the striving to achieve an ultimate good or best is in my ability to achieve. I can dictate the effort I put into any activity based upon my focus and determination. It is the search that is my satisfaction, the end result will be left up to forces I am not able to create.

I doth protest too much (#363)

My imagination is really not in tune with reality, when it comes to my expectations of what reality will be like. I find that my imagination of reality is way overblown as to what reality eventually is. It is dramatic the way my mind perceives what will be instead of the plain ordinary occurrences I should know to expect. I guess I still think that the world revolves around me instead of the other way around. I am one who would say that I am not special when measured against other human beings, it just seems that I forget, at times, that although I am a special human being, so is everyone else. We all have hopes and dreams that others will see the wonders of who we are and appreciate them like we do to ourselves. In this world our specialness is often overlooked and we often feel slighted. It isn't because we deserve to be slighted it is because we are usually not the considered focus by others. I am still searching for the correct formula to live by that takes my own confidence in myself and keeps me even keeled about my sensitivities. I have to continue to do for others to help others as a necessary process to keep me on the right train of thought about my unique niche in this existence and move beyond the need to be told or lead to believe that I am valid.

The power of focus (#362)

I find that my life is much more enjoyable when I am able to maintain my focus on whatever I am immediately doing. The random daydreaming I was prone to previously left my focus unattended with what I was doing. I appreciate the logic of a job well done mindset. Whether work or personal happenings, my focus is necessary for me to feel a sense of purpose in accomplishing whatever I am attempting. I am not smart enough to be able to while away time while also performing a task at maximum efficiency. I must attend to the task with all my focus so as to not slip in any area of the task's process. When my focus is vigilant, I also feel a sense of command over the project I am involved with. My knowledge of the details and the inner workings of the task have an insight I can only gain by being totally focused on the whole process of the task. Focus is an action I can control if I have the ambition to consider focus as a principle worthy to live by. As any of the right principles for living, focus is an action I can inculcate into my daily life. I am human and I will by that fact make mistakes, however with the aid of focus the mistakes that I make won't be due to neglect or intent. My capabilities and talent will take me so far with the aid of focus but I am not a genius or a perfect being so I must recognize that my life is made better than worse with a concentration on focus with my tasks.

Milestone markers in our lives (#361)

Whether it is accomplishments of action or celebrations of time, we all have a sense of feeling special when a milestone has been recognized, even if only by ourselves. There is a loud or quiet exhileration upon completion of some time or task that has meaning to us. I am one who sets goals out in front of present time into the future. If at some time I find I have brought that future date into the present I am well convinced that I have been fortunate. Achieving goals is not in-of-itself the purpose, it is the marker I set and it does remind me that I have stayed true to what I had hoped to accomplish. Time will have it's way with us and we are only given some limited set amount of time up to now. Realizing this fact has capsulized my existence into what I most desire for it to be like. I have searched hard in my life and in the depths of my soul to determine what I want my life to look like to those living now and to those who would know of me some time into the future. There is also a quirk I live by; that the Universe somehow records our lives and intents as a God who knows everything about us. I live my life like the gift that it is and expect that the giver of the gift has an eye on me. This is my quirk and it helps me find my center when I become confused or mis-directed. By watching if any milestones are achieved in my life I receive a satisfaction of sorts in knowing that my life path is still on track.

Getting over my expectations (#360)

Once again, circumstances in my life are cyclical. The same expectations that have come to me in the past have made their way to me again. When will this cycle of expectations end? Hopefully when I am ready to absolutely admit that I have no control, let me repeat, no control over nature or other human beings. I can call a truth a truth or a lie a lie but what becomes of these situations is up to forces and factors that are beyond me. My strong-headed nature is stubbornly diminishing but is still an outcome I have to recognize and thwart. I am my worst natural critic yet without my critical analysis of myself there is no one else as good at it except me. Therefore I must continue to reason my thoughts and actions through the prism I know to be true. Anything less would be dishonest to my way of thinking. If I hold myself to a high standard it is because I know that only at a high standard can I be as effective as I need to be just to have a chance to influence an outcome. I only have so many battles left in me to fight and fighting battles to better humanity has become my calling. I must remain vigilant and stalwart in the areas that I can be most effective. Writing about them is one avenue I can travel and highlight in my quest to bring compassion and curiosity to the forefront of human existence.

The Ostrich effect (#359)

How great is our fear? Will it define who we are when we consider our lives? I am tired of waiting for fear to go away and refuse to have it in my life as anything more than a catalyst to action. Life is what it is regardless of my wish for it to be different. The more I am seeing life as it is the more I am confronted with my own feelings about how life is happening. I am creating in my own mind the best approach for how to live life but to actually change life I must take a part in standing up and staring down those who would continue chaos as if no hope existed. The days of denial, ignorance and burying my head in the sand must end. I am a voice in this existence and raising my voice to protect that which I see needs protecting is at hand today and from now on. So little is left to say about this but I feel the need to reiterate. One person doing one right thing is a beacon to all of those who are looking for leadership in this world. Who among us will take the mantle of standing on principle? I will be one who will give my all to fighting the good fight for a life in existence all humans would be proud to hope for.

Life is all about change (#358)

The best plans I have are only an outline. I have learned over time that when I expect certain things to happen a certain way I am almost always disappointed. It is unfair at times when my expectations come about just as I plan them because I begin to think that will be the outcome in all my creative ventures. The truth is that when something actually concludes in the process I wish it to become, I am only being deluded in thinking it will be that way over and over. It is just an occasional exception not the rule. I am older and wiser and understand that my intent is what really matters and how things "play out" is not up to me. My expectations must be backed with support but not to the point of obsession. I must allow that others also have expectations and mine are not any more important than theirs. With wisdom and age comes a peace about the urgency to make the world into a perfect place. I know that I don't have the tools to accomplish my wish but I also know that being compulsive and headstrong are not the path to sharing my vision of a better world as a process. The world can change overnight with the proper process being applied. Knowing that proper process is now a lesson for me to learn using imagination and wisdom. With the right intent, I have founded the beginning of my process to help all of us improve our world through universal change we can all agree with.

The best time of my life (#357)

Wow, who would of guessed that the best time of my life would be now, at 54 years old. I have all my senses and my physical parts still function reasonably, but the difference is in how my mind works today. Or better explained, how well my mind is clear and open to the wonders of this Planet and Universe. It is just not the inanimate objects either it is mostly the living beings that inhabit this space with me. I will say that the single most precious thing I have discovered is being accepted and wanted for who and what I am. The key being knowing and expressing who I am. Being comfortable in the knowledge that I like myself and it shows. It has not been easy finding and living my personal nature. It had always been confusing in trying to know who I was. Those confusing days are gone and I am happy that I have "found myself". Anyway this post will be a bit shorter than normal since I have many things to accomplish this early morning and won't get back to this posting anytime today. I have to say though that life is great and I have found someone who I think is great and she thinks I am great as well.

My heart is my home (#356)

Having the good fortune to love someone the way a man loves a woman for his wife is a truly wonderful thing. My experience of actually being married is zero, however my experience in being in love with a woman I wish to make my wife is happening as I write. This moment in time for me is illustrative of how special a bond can be between a man and a woman who have incredible feelings for each other. The key is to have the incredible feelings for each other at the same time. I have waited all of my adult life to find the woman who was also looking for me. This is where staying true to the great hope we have as individuals to find the theoretical soul mate that could be out there. It is difficult to sustain the faith toward finding the true love each person has to do in order for the best match to occur. Unfortunately patience in matters of romance and loneliness often miss the mark in pairing up when the basis of the pairing up is not founded on true love for each other. Time is the one constant that shakes us from our ultimate goal of finding our hearts match. It can be a cruel guide when we fear that time is more important as a force to determine marriages than the true beacon of love. I wish all well in their journey to find their soul mate and hope that the search will continue regardless of whether it takes a lifetime to achieve.

The will to succeed (#355)

Very few times in my life have I been in a state of knowing full well what I hope to bring about in my life. I have to give everything to my hopes and dreams when all that is needed to bring them about is the correct effort from me. If I am not the impetus behind what I hope to achieve or realize then the chances they will come about will be solely dependant upon chance. It is my obligation, to me, to reconcile the necessity and honesty of how I feel or think about what I hope to have happen. Once I do reconcile the hope or dream, in a principled way, then I must guide the force of it's coming about. The purpose of my hopes and dreams being principled is mainly to allow the rest of humanity to see the integrity of the motion I have created. There are fine lines between being selfish and selfless. There are also fine lines between being selfless and true to one's own feelings. All of the decisions that go into coming up with a final conclusion must be balanced with the effect that the conclusion has upon other human beings. Life is very complicated and must be treated with special care when I set out to make an idea or hope or dream into a reality. Having spent the necessary time to cautiously commit to a course of action I must then give all my strength and energy to going forward with full conviction. I must always be flexible in my approach as time is not static but the thrust of the general hope should not waver from it's ideal.

Happiness as a strategy (#354)

It is up to me whether I choose to be happy or not in most every situation. Naturally circumstances dictate my emotional feelings and expressions, but otherwise I can choose my form of emotional expression. I can decide how I want to look at this gift of life I have been given and chose which way I prefer to navigate my outlook. I can just decide to be happy to start my day as any other feeling I may decide to use. My emotional expressions are predicated on the fact that they are mine, only mine and I am the arbiter of how they will be expressed. When I was a child and selfish, as a rule, I used to manipulate my expressions of emotion to advance whatever agenda I was forwarding at that moment. Given that I had that ability even at a young age, the thought that I would still be able to manipulate my emotions now seem quite plausible. I can choose the path of my destiny each day by allowing myself to be expressed according to my wishes and not just leave them to the whim of serendipity. A healthy outlook based upon being selfless is my chosen way. It works for me because I have such a big heart about life being fair and just to all. My expressions of emotions today indicate that.

Faith as a philosophy (#353)

Faith has always been considered an important element of religion. I like to think of faith as a philosophy. When I have faith in anything I am trusting that my instinct on anything is right and true. Faith is a personal principle of living in my life. It makes absolute whatever consideration I am formulating to become a reality. It does not mean it will happen, only that I hope that it will. My faith in anything is strong but also tempered by the fact that I am not the final arbiter of anything. Faith serves a purpose for me that is reassuring and full of my conviction. I am only clarifying how faith works for me and me as an individual only. For to not have faith is unthinkable. I must have a faith in how I wish to be alive in this existence. The most ambitious creation in existence is humanity. For humanity to take all the elements of life and mold an acceptable existence in a futuristic outcome, faith is necessary. Faith is what brings my principles for living, justice, morality, ethics, compassion etc..., into a scope that I can define and share with others. I am but a humble human being who wishes my experience as well as everyone Else's to be the best within the parameters that existence, so far has dictated.

Living a simple life (#352)

The more I am experiencing life the more I am sure that letting all the simple things be my goal is the way to go. The further I get from simple, the harder and more confusing the complexity I have created becomes. I am finding that it is essential for me to stay correctly focused on the present and the circumstances that life brings to me. The further I get from the present, and It's required focus, the more ineffective, as a productive human being, I become as well. Absolutely, there are times when a formula based upon complexity is necessary but not as a rule, only an exception. My ego would tell me that I have the capacity to facilitate numerous complexities all at the same time, however my ego is wrong. I like that my ego pushes me to attain where I would otherwise not but simultaneously, caution, in being receptive to my ego, is always advised. William Shakespeare once again uses the language I struggle with, " To be or not to be"... The eventual outcome is like the falling rain, inevitable. My struggle with living a simple life is continual but also coming to a stark realization. I am not the final solution for anything. I am only significant in that I allow myself to be me. Me only, and do the best I can where I can. Life is simple and I need to be simple also.

Life is the journey not the destination (#351)

I am often reminded by my anticipation and associated emotions of the fact that it is the journey and not the arrival at some point that matters. There have been some arrivals that are special and are noted for that but in most instances life's circumstances are best when the moment by moment of living them is experienced. The lessons that are exposed along the way are the realities that matter. The moment by moment frames of time are the make-up of what we are able to be a part of and shape into what eventually is used to define and describe us. The journey is life and the outcomes are just an extension of our lives. I am also advocating setting goals and achieving goals but it is in the process and action necessary to achieve set goals that we should pay attention to and enjoy. My day is full of moments that catch me by surprise because I don't let my moments slip by me without an acknowledgement of them. Too often it is the simple and inconsequential things that happen in my life that seem to be the greatest moments I end up having. Nothing is unimportant, everything is of value. It is sometimes difficult to focus my attention on the now and present when so many things are happening with all the possibilities that are available. But when I am in the moment with all things as they happen I find that my life is more under control and outcomes are more likely to be agreeable with me.

My connection to all life (#350)

It is not unusual for life to have a connection with other life. The similarities we share are abundant and our existence is proving to be intertwined. As us humans grow more technologically savvy and scientifically enlightened we move closer to the origin of all life having a common genesis. It is as if we are all of the same formulation but having different functions. Not unlike a huge tree with all the different branches signifying the different sub-species. It is our connectedness that has me intrigued. The harmony I seek in this existence has come to me as having everything to do with everything. A total peace at peace with all of life. I do not know the outcome of every second that indicates my existence but I am ready to understand that the flow of life is more natural to me when I am in awe of all life in existence. I have come to have this thought about life; if I cannot create it then I am not allowed to, at a whim, destroy it without reaching an emotional/logical conclusion. This existence has a long history, on this planet, of raw survival strategies, this I acknowledge and understand. However, within my soul the struggle continues to make greater sense of existence than just species survival. My connection to all life is real and on a continued path of examination.

The best is yet to come (#349)

Everyday I sit down and write a blog posting for the last 350 days or so and I am truly privileged to come away from it with a sense of movement. I have been told that a growth in my understanding or description of understanding has been visible through my writings. If being more comfortable in what and how I write is an indication then I would agree. I feel a more comprehensive approach to subjects I am writing about. It is as if my growth in writing on subjects has matured or gained perspective as time has gone by. I only know this for sure and that is I love doing this daily posting. It helps me to visualize subjects that are in my head but not as organized until I put them to print. It is like almost everything in life, if we take the time to reason them out we come to see what the conclusion will be and then we can decide which decision we should make. It is just a good life practice to carry the logical extension of our actions out to a conclusion, in thought, before we actually do it or them. This blog of mine has helped me to sharpen my reasoning skills and my actions based upon those evaluations. The ability to analyze is learned, it is a skill that needs to be honed through practice, and gives us the better and best chances of having the best yet to come in our lives.

The presentation of myself (#348)

I was talking with my mother yesterday and in our conversation I was reminded once again about how I am able to present whatever action I want despite the circumstance. In other words, I can choose to reflect a selfless attitude or something not as noble. It is my choice. It is interesting that I think like this. I know maturity and some philosophical training has opened my eyes to the complexities in life that I used to not think, or didn't care about. My old behaviour would have been to knee-jerk out a response that only reflected some advantage to me regardless of subject of the circumstance. I was selfish and wanted me as the main point of all my encounters. Today that old behaviour is like a lifetime ago. It is in my thinking, the early formative years of how I am becoming each new day. More and more selfless. All things in life today work toward my presentation of myself. It is when I am reflected out for all to see, without pre-thought, and I am who I am hoping to be, is when I know that I am on the right track in my growth. The reflection of who I am is not a goal it is a manifestation of what is going on in my life. It is the record of who I am becoming and what I am doing to make that happen. This may sound a bit confusing, but how I present the actions in my life reflect the inner principles I am hoping to achieve.

Inevitably the inevitable happens (#347)

To deny time it's existence is to deny that I am alive. Yet I have done this so many times in my life it is amazing that I am still alive. Keeping my head buried in the sand (metaphor) because I was unable to face reality was shamefully an act of cowardice. What is it to say that I was so concerned about myself and what I thought reality should be that I would ignore true reality because I could. Childish behaviour comes to mind, willful stubbornness based upon inaccuracy of thought, this list does not expose a very good example of how to deal with life on life's terms. I am still able to stray from the principles of honor and goodness from time to time but only for a moment and then my need to be in the true nature of things helps me back to where I need to be. I have found that when I am defending the right in a position or the good of any circumstance my ability to defend it has unlimited energy. The gift of keeping myself in a state of selflessness is a strength I could never attain through selfishness or alternative drug taking. The power I feel when I am doing what I know in my heart of hearts is right is amazing beyond the word amazing. The sensations that exist within me are best felt when I am defending truth and justice with all my soul. I have found the secret to living a great life. It is to defend the right and good in life.

Averting temptation (#346)

This subject is not always very clear in it's presentation to me. I am often behind in noticing that I need to not do something. The reason for this is simple, in my life, I rarely am tempted unless something is actually going great for me. It is when I find some wonderful achievement or success at something does temptation come in either slinking in below my radar or full blown frontal to me. It is like the old saying, "once I think I have something I have lost it." It is important for me to know that this is my modus operandi. It s wise of me to never think I have achieved or that I am due anything. I am just living an attempted good life and good things happen for good people once in awhile. The outcomes that happen in my life are not directly reflected upon any personal success I should claim. It is when I do claim any success that I set myself up for any and all temptations that would tell me I deserve. It is in thinking I deserve that my prideful ego gets to come out and play. Play it will, since I can think I am great in my own mind despite all rational evidence to the contrary. To avert temptation all I have to continue doing is be thankful for being alive and hold hard and fast to the better and best principles of human nature and make them come to fruition in my life.

I gave my heart to someone today (#345)

I am in such a perfect state of being. I have just committed my heart and I feel weightless. The American dream has come real for me. It is in a way that seems more like the 18th century, where arrangements are made for the participants. Regardless, a decision was made and here I am writing about it just a few hours later. Life goes on and so will all of ours until it doesn't. In the meantime though we are blessed with great surprises and shocked with horrible ones. We must take them as they come and find a way to put them into some kind of perspective. I am happy at the moment and that is well and good. However the next moment may bring unhappiness. The cycle of life has no boundaries other than our life spans. I have met a lady who has the great chance of being my soul-mate. She is younger than I am and it makes me think that I was looking for her in other women well before she was born. It is truly amazing what life is that is to say what existence is. I am nonetheless, thankful for the fate I have been given. My destiny seems to have been one where I was oblivious to it's eventual fruition. I will never take anything for granted again. Not even the breath I take in and out every couple of seconds. Mysteries are all around me and I know more than ever.

Where is my faith (#344)

I am such a fragile human being. I like to think that I am in charge of many things in my life yet I act contrary to those ideals that I know are better for me. I am not wasting myself but rather not improving myself when I know I can. I suppose it is in my nature to procrastinate sometimes when I am not seriously focused. I have had a head cold with high blood pressure as a complication. It appears that I am not as focused as I need to be. I am still making decisions for myself and any use of distraction is beneath me. I hold myself to such a high standard. lol. I am a little perturbed with myself regardless. It is in my best interests to act upon the ideals I hold dear with consistency. No excuses when decisions that need to be made, need to be made correctly. For the most part my life is going well and I should take some pride in the fact that I am living to be the best person I can be. My faith is where it needs to be, with me. I am just not always there for my faith, which is something that I can improve upon.

Think for our own self (#343)

It is never too incorrect to have your own opinion. Even if your opinion is uninformed, illogical or misunderstood. All of those things can be corrected once they are exposed to the light of day. What can't be evolved or changed is when our thoughts are not our own. We must always remain diligent in learning and expressing our own opinions. To abdicate our right to think for our self for some other attraction is sadly a poor illusionary trade-off. Every individual must claim their right to think and form opinions for them self regardless of the situation or circumstance involved. We must force ourselves to consider and weigh facts with due diligence given to objectivity and rationality. It is part of the human experience that is often neglected as a primary responsibility. It is necessary for education to be freely offered as a species survival skill. We seem to be stuck in a mindset that does not consider that our species survival is fragile and under the control of so many forces outside our ability to reasonably affect. I am battered down yet relentless in my quest to elevate the consciousness of our species to a level that puts us on guard with the real forces in the Universe. This, by extension, forces us to rethink the purpose for all of us to be directly involved in the state of the Human species and it's ability to survive.

I live my blessing (#342)

Seldom in my life have I been able to command my thoughts on a subject so dear to me. I know that my life is in my hands to live as I wish. I am responsible for how I act and react. It is up to me to decide which expression or emotion to present. The circumstances surrounding the events of my life are not under my control but how I am perceived and how I allow myself to feel is. I am the one who gets to analyze and reason the instances that make up my life. When I move from analyzing and reasoning into some form of action I have claimed that responsibility as my own. It is solely refreshing that today I have the wherewithal to understand how perfect my opportunities are to think ahead and show expressions that comport with the principles of human behavior that exemplify the better and best qualities of our species. William Shakespeare-"Some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them." Regardless the avenue, opportunities to present leadership on subjects that cry for it must be accepted. We all have the perfect opportunity, at times, to claim the mantle of giving direction that shows the mettle of our enduring code of honorable principles.

It is in the quiet moments... (#341)

All alone, the quiet stirring nothing. No sound, not even the distant cars on the highway. I enjoy the quiet when it comes to me. I am often to busy with something to notice it or in such a hurry to have noise around me. Maybe the noise reminds me that I don't have to alone. Yet alone I am inside myself where I do all my living. The outward product of myself is from the quiet place within me that is so hard for me to be with. It would explain, at times, why I feel so disjointed within life. My fear of the quiet is based on how I view what death will be like when it comes. I am like a child who is still scared of the dark. I have built my strength and character around the principle that I am worthy of life and I am not a waste of time and space. But deep within me when the quiet shows up the old fears of helplessness rise and have their say to me about how insignificant I am. I am insignificant, but because I respect life not because I fear death. It is something then for me to struggle with the quiet when all it really represents is an occasional moment of peace. The quiet is my friend now where before it was my enemy. The quiet stirs more than nothing, it stirs within me the thoughts about my perspective. A product of fear? Regardless, my contention that fear is a good thing seems to ring true when it comes to me conquering the messages the quiet used to bring.

The world doesn't owe us happiness (#340)

Being alive is the miracle, what we do with that is all on us. I am searching for personal happinesss. I wish for all to have happiness but I am only in charge of finding my own. I will try to make others happy as we cross paths and in general ways that are available to me. But to be a little selfish in this post I am concerned with my own happiness. How do I find happiness? I give of myself when giving of myself is needed. I spread good cheer as a normal event, not as a special occasion. I search this planet looking for someone who needs in a companion, lover and friend the same attractions and desires that I do. It is in the search for happiness that I have a chance of finding it. I do not expect happiness to show up at my door and announce it's arrival. It can happen that way but the odds are small. I know that happiness is a gift not a deserve. In my heart I have already found contentment in knowing that I am already happy because I choose to be. But in my heart I also know that a void exists, that I hope to replace it with a true love, a soulmate. I am fortunate that I am relentless in the quest to accomplish this because the truth is, the journey to find my true love keeps me motivated to find her. There is peace in that as well. When I do find her, she will know that all of my heart is hers forever. I will have told her that God is our witness.

I will always love first (#339)

What do I mean when I say I will always love first? I mean to say that given the choice of not loving for some reason that appears to have a high principle involved will not do. Life is too short to weigh the costs of lost love with something that may be better in the future. Lost love is not reclaimable in almost every instance. Love does not come around enough in one's life to be so cavalier with it out of some principled concern. Love is love and should never be sacrificed to any other noble concern. The strength of love to endure and conquer what others cannot see is it's redemptible value. No outcome outweighs the benefit of having felt and experienced love. It is easy to write on this subject and not so easy to choose or decide one's fate when so much is in the scales of balance. But remember life is short and love is infrequent. Principle has it's value but not at the expense of love. It is my opinion that living life is the greatest action in existence and experiencing love is the next greatest action in existence.

Such a strange day (#338)

Nothing going on in my head today except that I have a headache that won't go away. It seems I have caught some type of head cold that is immune to aspirin or any other relief medication. The only worthwhile thoughts I have had today are centered around my work and how to prepare for tomorrow's expectations. I have been keeping busy as much as possible today because my head needs to be distracted from the pain I am experiencing. This posting is going to be short out of necessity. I have very little to offer to the public that could remotely be considered worthy of any attention by anyone. Well I hope to be in a better frame of mind tomorrow morning when I resume my normal routine. Somewhat optimistic of me to assume that I will be better tomorrow. It is my faith in my ability to heal quickly that allows me to assume I will be fine tomorrow morning but there you go. I am starting to ramble incoherently so I will stop now and wish everyone a wonderful new year.

Enjoying every moment (#337)

Life is not as difficult as I can make it. I am born into this world alone and I leave this world alone. Living my life alone is not unnatural. Sharing my life with a soulmate would be great and I hope to find a companion. The indirect approach I have is less proactive and more just serendipity. I do make some effort to reach out to others for the reason of contacting someone who may find me, as I find her, as a source of friendship, companionship and love. My highest priority is not to find a companion but to live life with all I have. Existence is amazing and I want to immerse myself in all of it I can before my time comes to an end. I also feel a need to be and share with all that I encounter. My soulmate, if she exists would want the same from me. That's the thing though, if she exists. There are no deserves or guarantees in existence, there is only what you can make of it. My principles dictate to me that I must honor all life and treat with dignity everyone's right to exist. There is so much more to experience and making myself available to do that is my main goal. I am still a man and a man who hopes one day to have with me a woman who has the same desires that I do.

Writing the daily blog (#336)

It is the first day of 2010 and I am still writing my daily blog. For the last over 300 days I have put to words my thoughts on a variety of subjects. Both personal and public. It has seemed like I have been doing this for a long time when in actuality it has been just under a year. Regardless, I must give myself some credit for sticking to this daily format despite all the things that happen in life. This blog has become an old friend for me, allowing me to express myself on subjects that otherwise would have remained or been lost in my head. If anything, writing these postings mainly first thing in the morning gives me an opportunity to clarify my feelings on a day to day basis. I am often also pushed to new insights right in the middle of some point I am making and get to enjoy discovery of new avenues of thought. What I am doing is no different than what has been done in the past by journalists and diary keepers, the difference is that I am the one who is doing this at this time in our history. I am just another link in the chain of humanity who wishes to record that I am alive and have thoughts. The Universe will have it's say in what will be and I want the Universe to know how I think and feel about what is happening to me and us.