It was weird being in a state of calm. I was unfamiliar with this as I had previously always found a way to create some action due to my inability to be calm. Being calm had the significance of wasting valuable time. I do not think like that anymore. I find that it is not wasteful to be calm but rather it is restful. I do not look at calm having some connection to death. That was what was at the core of my earlier problem with calm, that I would be sacrificing some action and lose out on doing something before I died. I see this all clearly now and can justify to myself the new insight I have toward calm. I do not need to be a part of every activity possible. I can sit back and just watch life happen without having to be a part of it. It is refreshing to me that I can enjoy my own company without feeling anxiety over some imagined loss. I keep reminding myself constantly that I am a guest in this existence, nothing more than surviving is required from me. I have my own expectations for how I live but they are not contingent upon expectations of others rather they are contingent upon the best principles humanity can show. It is not the quantity of living I do, it is the quality of living I do. I can keep the smile on my face. That is a very high priority for me. Not just any kind of smile but a genuine smile that reflects what I feel inside me. Being in the calm is something I get to do today. What a treat.
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