I am always amused at myself immediately afterward when I get angry with myself because I haven't done something right or I fail to complete a process to a high standard. I am definitely my own worst critic. I know better because I am not perfect and although I can think things as they should be done perfectly, I cannot realistically perform to my perfect thoughts, hence I immediately get angry with myself. I am a punishing ego. lol. Anyway, it is funny to me afterwards because I let my first impulse have sway instead of just pausing and allowing myself to think first then react after that. No, I have to throw a few curse words out and mentally pummel myself first. :) I don't know how I came to be this way but certainly it is due to expectations I have of myself as more gifted than I really am. Not that I cannot attain this magical impression in my mind that I have of my capabilities, it is that I don't account for the flawed human behavior we all share. I am not a robot and anytime I think I should be perfect is when I am delusional. lol. yet, over time, I have still to overcome my inability to adapt to the obvious notion that I am not a well-oiled machine. I will say this though, I am less inclined to go off on myself these days as I become aware much quicker to reality than when I was younger. I had and still have to a lesser degree a concept in my head that just because I am capable in the perfect sense to do a thing, does not mean I am able to do it when all of reality is included. The wisdom to know that difference is huge and has been a good principle for me to follow. Still though, like this morning, I am still delusional about what I can do and what I can't do and that means I have more to work on. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment