(#6211) The crossroads of aging

      Ignoring my own aging is not an option when it seems like too often something life changing is about to occur. The inevitability of growing older and losing physical and mental strengths is not for the weak. Having to accept a, what I will call a diminishing, is a real struggle. It is much easier for me to evaluate logically when it is happening to someone else than it is to evaluate my own devolvement logically. I tend to dismiss my slowly deteriorating abilities precisely because they are slowly leaving. Kind of like the frog in the slowly boiling pot not recognizing the rising temperature until it is too late.
     I get all the logic of how my own lessening is real but until it hits me in ways that are stark I tend to not notice in serious ways. I truly am a victim of my own incomplete personal analysis precisely because I am failing to accept my own mortality. It isn't from laziness or inattention, it is from not being used to winding down as it were. I have always been building myself up in mental and physical ways only to see myself as of late just maintaining and/or declining. Somewhat like a child throwing a tantrum I don't want to age! Aging is taking away from me possibilities that I have yet to come to know. In other words I am not ready to move onto another time line paradigm where doing less is a great part of the protocol.
     Now I am not at the age yet where life stops being purposeful and sprinkled with achievement. However, I am at an age where restrictions previously not even considered are now part of the calculus. The easing out of the rigmarole of life is daunting. Being thrust out of the rigmarole of life is nearly devastating. Both are occurring and neither is particularly welcome. I work hard to keep an order to my life that allows me to live as I hope but changes are keeping me a bit off my normal expectations. In my mind I am still nimble enough to continue to walk my personal tightrope but with fewer options as aging is becoming a greater obstacle to keeping my balance.