There was a time when I could not take silence or peaceful quiet moments without feeling anxious for something to happen to change the inactivity. I was the complete follower of motion at all times. Even when I was bone-tired from exerted energy, I still needed for something to be happening other than complete nothingness. I am surprised I even settled for sleep. lol. Even in sleep though, I was most of the time rewarded with some action in the form of dreams. My, how I have changed. My evolution from those earlier chaotic times of my formative and later early years has come about to the opposite extreme. I do not seek out movement as the principle of the first order, nor do I create some action or activity to placate some need within me to be living all I can within how ever long I will actually be alive. That point right there gets to the impetus for my earlier need to be surrounded by motion. The fear that my life would not last long enough to be able to apply my senses to many varied opportunities this existence offers. I suppose it is a testament to my actually having lived beyond the early fear I felt that has allowed me to change my outlook on constant motion. I thrive in boredom today. lol. I know that too much boredom can be seriously damaging to my psyche and inter-personal relationships so I do regiment myself toward being inclusive in areas where that inclusiveness offers positive influences. But overall, the concept of sublime peace is attractive to me. I wish to slow my physical activity to the point where my mental activity can draw in my surroundings with clarity and focus. I am a creature of my surroundings more so now then ever and it is well satisfying to me. The maturity of how my life is appropriately evolving is illustrated, considering my age and physical abilities, and is directly proportional to my mind being pleased with the idea of boredom as a luxury and a sought after consequence.
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