I know that the importance of knowing or establishing my identity was paramount in my mind when I was growing toward maturity. It is funny now that when I look back on those times that I was who I am all along but I just did not know it! What I have learned is that the private thoughts I had were an amalgamation of my ideals. If I thought mean and unworthy thoughts it was who I was. If I thought good and helpful thoughts it was who I was. Not the kind of thoughts that are temptations or fantasies but the kind of thoughts that expressed my empathy and concern for others and things. My values, which in my case have always been in me, are who I am. I may not reflect back or express them correctly every time but nonetheless they are within me. As I have matured into adulthood and have found that dealing with and working through my fears and my actions, my thoughts seem to align in a more consistent way. I am still a work in progress, but the progress is moving in the right direction. What has this got to do with the need to be different? Simply that once I had identified who I am, I am not in any need to be different. I want to be the same as everyone else, as long as that parallels consistent human improvement. I will say that the right to be different, because practically we cannot all be the same, is something I cherish and will enjoy but it is not a need for me to be different as a coping device. I am content in my soul that I am a human worthy of life and worthy of expression. This has filled the vacuum or hole in my soul that often-times in my younger days turned me from improving myself, to in many ways destroying myself. I no longer fight the battle of who I am and the need to be different, but instead enjoy and celebrate the similarities we all share and embrace our human qualities with a positive passion.
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