Friday, April 25, 2025

(#5927) I so want to be still but life won't let me

      I have duties and responsibilities to attend to and those need me no matter what. But when I have completed my daily chores and forward thinking activities I would like to just sit for awhile and absorb the day without distraction. In the big picture of life I am not really desiring anything extraordinary nor impossible. Just a simple stopping of movement for a time that refreshes and rejuvenates my ambitions. It seems that getting to those moments of silence and rest are an ask too much. As much as I try to stay ahead of the avalanche of problems and solutions that I must wrestle with the rigmarole of it all seems to fill my waking days.
     Within that activity of course are the moments that are satisfying and rewarding as well as frustrating and dispiriting. Yet when I try to find some time to just check out for enough hours to replenish my energies I am accosted with more that must be attended to address. I get that life has its quirks and idiosyncrasies but to have them on a daily basis is almost overwhelming. Yet almost overwhelming is not overwhelming. I am feeling my age as I navigate my life and if possible I would like to stick my head above the metaphorical water and just enjoy the event of existence as an observer than as so much a moving integral part of it all.
     I complain that I am alive in a less than horrible condition. So shame on me for being less tough than those who are living in horrible conditions. The whole idea of our world being so distraught that I feel the need to be quiet about my own individually insignificant dilemmas is an almost overwhelming example. I know this, my house must be in order for me to be a most effective part of any larger solution. So I will stick my nose back to the proverbial grindstone and work on my life with greater focus so as to be able to find some time to be still. Once there, I can come back into the fray of life with a greater gusto than what I am currently able to employ.

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