Sunday, May 18, 2014
Reality is my intoxicant (#1934)
I am back to being that young boy full of curiosity about life that I lost growing up. I lost myself back then to the lure of the forbidden and stayed lost for far too long. Circumstances have brought me back around to show me the wrong path I took. I am back now on the right path for me since it is all I can do just to keep up with my own reality. That is how I know I am living life correctly now. All my energy and thoughts are needed just to maintain my own momentum as to my choices into the future. I am not some part of someone else's choice, I am part of my own. That is what happened to me previously, I abdicated my voice and my hopes for the little bit of fantasy I created in my head. Lost to me are all those days that I cannot get back that were dedicated to the trifles in life instead of forging my own future as productive and exemplary. Nonetheless, here I am today with a new regard for the rest of my life without the interruptions of artificial intoxication. I get to sense, really feel and know my reality in the clearest sense to date. Surely I will have even more clarity in the future but the path I am on is scrubbed clean of the obstacles I can control. That is the difference now. I can see what a waste I was becoming by not paying attention and learning the ever continuous new insights as they appeared daily. I started to and actually did lose hope for me being anything of any vital purpose. That was the depression part of intoxicants many do not advertise. Freeing myself from reality was supposed to make life better for me, but what it did instead was not only make life harder for me but it also deprived my family and friends from the kind of person I am when I am being the real me. The real me is the one who is in reality all the time and fighting the good fight to make reality better, even to the point where escaping from reality is not even considered a positive.