Grab the bull by the horns (#130)

Life does not come with a set of instructions. There are rules, regulations, codes and other conforming standards, but life and it's myriad decisions have no obvious template. When I am in doubt about how to proceed, because of convention and manners, I nevertheless continue forward with what I get to consider is fair and just. Not that what I consider is always, or even sometimes, fair and just, but in lieu of direction I get to put my choice forward. Timidity and lack of nerve are not options when the stakes of life can bring reality changing events into the equation. I used to think that people older than me were better understanding of complicated events that effected me and their world. A sort of acquiescence to their judgement out of respect. I have since then learned that no one has much of a clue as to their own best interests let alone their having clues about mine. We all just need to struggle along and hopefully apply standards to decision-making situations that will leave us somewhat satisfied that we tried our best in the name of humanity. Honesty about who we are and not trying to be something we are not are great starts in the evolution of our own personal standards of conduct and conscious. My life must be measured against the best principles humanity has to offer otherwise I will not be attempting to live up to how I want my life go. It is on me to find the best way to live my life without the fear that would deviate me from this goal.

Pushing through the tired (#129)

When I am tired I love to sleep. Sleep is a tonic to refresh my mind and physical body. I enjoy the actual drifting off into sleep time where I know that my weariness will be relieved. However, there are times when despite the overwhelming sense of fatigue I feel I am nonetheless unable to enjoy the salve of sleep. Priorities dictate, through deadlines and anxiety about being perceived as competent, Ha, perception my foot, that staying awake and completing or progressing a task has the higher priority. It is wise and instructional that I embrace these times of exhausted wakefulness and endeavor to accomplish that which I find as a necessity. As long as my brain or brawn can function at some respectable level then I am duty bound to give my best effort. Life is a wonderful experience, but also a short one that makes demands that can't be ignored. To procrastinate or shuck off responsibilities I have taken on does not sit well with my attempt to be the principled man I hope to finally become. To sacrifice sleep when I am weary and tired is little to ask from myself when I have accepted an obligation that requires the keeping of an honored principle intact. I love my life today because I get to make decisions based upon honor, being noble and humble, etc..., exemplifying in my limited way the better and best of human traits.

Busy day today (#128)

This posting will be unusual since I will be writing directly about myself. Today I am going to immerse myself into doing my online course for OSHA safety procedures and hope to get very close to its finish before the evening is over. I got up early and did all my farmtown stuff on facebook and contributed to a couple of postings. Now I must publish my daily blog and offer some interesting idea within it. Now comes the hard part, interesting idea, How about that I'm going to be writing every word from the online course down on paper so that I have a concise record of all information given to help me with the numerous exams inserted throughout the course. I have filled up one legal tablet already and I am well into the second tablet. My fingers on my right hand are indented and ache all over. My ink pen is showing signs of running out of ink so I have bought more of them along with more tablets. The strategy of writing everything down seems to be working since I have only missed a few (3) questions from all the exams, and those were dubiously phrased. So I will probably have to have a right hand transplant by the time I wrap up my day today but it will at least have given me a satisfactory outcome as per this course. Well, take care today and I hope to be back to writing about philosophical and societal issues again tomorrow.

Just another Task (#127)

There isn't anything on my mind today except to accomplish a certain amount of work on a class on-line I am taking. I am obsessed with completing this class in the next three days, including today. There is a limited amount of time I have been given to do this because other factors have come into play. I am able to do this also because all it takes is concentrated focus and perseverance on my part. The material is laid out for me and all I need to do is record it and absorb it in my mind and on paper. Life is funny (ha-ha) that way. It seems like, for most of my life, everything has to be done in a hurry. I wish my life could have more predictable patterns to it but it doesn't and here is what I must do. I am a big believer in what will be will be and attempt to try to improve on that. However, not on this recent task. I am compensated for it so there really is no problem with the work itself, It's just the time constraints that seem to follow unexpected tasks I have given lately. I am so very fortunate to have problems of this sort and I am not complaining about the opportunity. I am questioning my positioning of myself in circumstances where these types of situations continue to occur. There is an ideal life for me out there somewhere and someday I hope to get an opportunity to experience it. In the meantime I am thankful for what I have now and shall endeavor to push forward with all my strength and talents (?) I have for as long as I am able.

Don't Doubt Yourself (#126)

I have lost track of the amount of times I have questioned the sanity or realism of feelings or thoughts I have had because I felt that somehow what I think or feel is of no significant value. There is a line out there somewhere that distinguishes between possibility and fantasy. I never know where that line is and probably never will. The only register I have is what I think or feel. Well, given that I must not doubt what I think or feel as being something less or wrong that what it truly is, I must forge ahead with the confidence that I matter and so do my senses and thoughts. I owe to myself a careful examination of both thoughts and feelings with an objective process that includes other's opinions and points of view. What I must never do is abdicate the final decision I have about some matter that leaves the end result to the game of chance. I must stand firm and protect my thoughts and feelings if I find them honest and honorable with no harm coming to others because of them. Time has a way of allowing doubt to involve itself in my life. I must recognize that nothing in this world comes easy and that anything worth having and holding dear has a cost to pay in maybe eventually obtaining it. Fate also has it's place in events and will not be denied. However, my destiny, if it is mine will be determined by my ability to know what is happening with me and standing by those things that I know are right and true.

Thunder and Lightning (#125)

What a night we had in Citrus Heights, California. A thunder and lightning show that was unique in that the sky was blanketed with clouds and didn't allow for any of the lightning bolts to be directly visible. We saw instead the clouds themselves light up brightly accompanied with the boom of the thunder. Since I could see no visible lightning bolts piercing down to the ground I went outside and marveled at nature's fury. What an awesome planet we live on. This planet gives us what we need to survive as a species and can very well take it away in the blink of an eye through it's incredible turbulent nature. It is mostly the reason I feel so compelled to live my life in the best possible form I can accomplish. We will never be guaranteed of another sunrise, we will never be guaranteed another day to start our lives in a most focused way to make ourselves and those around us happy. The frailty of life is omnipresent and should always serve as a reminder of what are the important priorities of our and everyone else's lives. This morning I can appreciate the pure luck of having been born into a country with a political system that promotes life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as it's highest calling. Nowhere else on Earth are these values perpetuated with the solemn pledge to protect them with as much blood and treasure necessary to prevail. Nature brings her forces to bear as she dictates as well as we as a species need to bring our forces to bear to enrich society with the better and best virtues our humanity can envision. What a wild and wonderful world we are existing in.

An indescribable Feeling (#124)

An indescribable feeling, I am referring to the fruition of a hoped for circumstance. Whether it is a new experience or an old experience with a fresh start, the happening of an outcome to be realized that was previously a seemingly impossible occurrence can be breathtaking and life affirming. We have all had experiences or wishes that were impossible to reconcile to reality or beyond our wildest imaginations. Most times these hoped for scenarios would and will remain elusive, occasionally though something in our existence changes and the impossible has a potential to become real. I have found that remaining in a state of optimism, regardless of how life is happening around me, the chance for some incredible thing happening in my life is more likely to occur. I don't know with absolute authority if what I have just admitted is true, however it seems that way in my life. I do know that if something tremendous does happen I will be psychologically prepared to recognize and accept it without any confusion or cynicism. I have maintained that there are two traits that dominate the human experience, compassion and curiosity, and the denial of these two traits, severally or individually, to any human is what brings about the other less desirable traits humans fall into when compassion and/or curiosity are being denied. I have never heard a countering argument to my theory that has any more logic to it than the one I propound. Unless someone can show me the error of my belief, in universal compassion and curiosity theory, then it will remain the one that I make my judgements from. It is where I start my day and end my night so that when I am in practice with them I am always in a hopeful and desirable mode, and in position to occasionally experience an indescribable feeling.

Dream World (#123)

It is very common for me to dream at night after I have fallen asleep. What is curious to me is that my dreams take on a life of their own and my being in them is exhausting yet exciting. My normal days are nowhere near as chaotically challenging as my nighttime dream world. My valued principles of honor, courage and ethics follow me into my dreams which make for interesting circumstances. How I would face the same circumstances in real life is still dubious but in my dream world my standards for myself seem to hold true. I find my dream world fascinating in that it has the qualities of existence that I think should be present in my real world. Their is no lethargy of emotion about the troubles of our times like I experience when I'm awake. My dream world is full of emotion and crusades to correct wrong behavior and social injustices. Not to mention all that traveling through the universe and my ability to transport myself through thought or by actually being able to fly. There have been periods of time where my dream world became the greatest reason for me to maintain my real world. Somewhat backward, nevertheless true. I don't know what to make of my dream world but I know I am very glad that it exists. I'm the guy who loves to read stories and learn of other's experiences. Maybe my dreams are just an extension of the input I get from reading and watching television, I suppose it is. My dream world is just another example of why I enjoy being alive everyday and continue to be humbled by existence.

Determination is Key (#122)

What an experience it is to be alive and living life. To think greater things than our existence is a beautiful thing. Our creative minds allow us to imagine a whirlwind of possibilities. We don't have to limit ourselves to just what surrounds us. The mediums of arts and crafts give us ways to explore new concepts without having to create them ourselves. Whether paintings, film, books of words or many of the other forms of communicating new interpretations of creative thought, we are privileged to be in a society that pushes for these expressions. We are very little without all those who came before us with their ideals and theories. We are an amalgamation of our ancestors and fore-bearers because of records and stories passed down through history. What I know about myself is that without what has happened in the past my present and future would be devoid of comprehensive critical thinking and modern progression. Without this society of shared commonality, my worth in my own mind would be as it should be, humbled and awed. I am determined to be an advocate for increasing the ways human thought and human possibilities are expressed and delivered to any and all who would enjoy the pleasure of learning and increasing the creativity of the human species.

Memories from My Childhood (#121)

My last two posts have been about memories from my childhood that were important moments in my life. I don't know why they were important absolutely except to say that they have endured within my recollections. There are, I am sure, some happenings in my past that I have tried not to remember and I don't see any reason to try to remember most of them now. I believe we are all benefited by not dwelling or digging into our early memories because of the unhelpful nature some of our past experiences would expose, nevertheless, we are all benefited by memories of significance, even occasionally painful ones, when they help us and others enrich our lives with a perspective aimed at positive growth and awareness. The enduring quality about life is that when we are confronted with unpleasant or behaviorally wrong consequences we are able to adjust and improve toward a better standard of thinking and behavior. A case in point being when I was eight and two relatives came to live with our young family, one of them pushed me into a blackberry patch. Ouch, then the other relative came and got me out and pushed the relative who pushed me, also into the blackberry patch. After that initial introduction to me to my newly met relatives a bond between the relative, who pushed me into the blackberry patch and myself formed that to this day is still full of admiration and happiness. The point is that although the memory of our first encounter was a painful one it served as a starting point for a lifelong friendship that we hold today. I will always attempt to emphasize my memories in light of their positive instructive value and their humorous qualities. Memories are important to me in that they demarcate times and circumstances in my life that remind me of how lucky and special my life has been being born into a family full of love and a country founded on the better and best traits a human could aspire to achieve.

The Chicken Episode (#120)

Things happen in life that are difficult to assimilate when our perspective is violated by reality. In 1959, I was 4 years old and our family was living in downtown Sacramento. Since I was too young to go to school I was home during the day and my parents kept some chickens in the backyard. You could do that back then without being harassed by neighbors. Since my older brothers were at school and my younger brother barely two I occupied myself with playing with the chickens in the backyard. They became my friends. Well, one day my biological father came home and decided that it was time to put the chickens to use as food. When I realized what my father was doing, I became hysterical and tried to defend the chickens from the chopping block. I was told to knock it off. Well, I wasn't going to knock it off and continued to protest and defend the chickens. Of course my father paid me little attention and began to prepare the chickens to meet their maker. I then gave my parents an ultimatum, leave the chickens alone or I was leaving, wanting nothing to do with a family that was so cruel to my friends the chickens and insensitive to my pleas for them to be spared. My father, who saw the opportunity to teach me something, said that I would just have to leave because the chickens were not going to be spared. So a pole with a bandanna was prepared with some of my clothing put inside and it was given to me. I readily took the traveling pole on my shoulder and started down the alley and out to the next street. It was then that I realized I didn't know where to go and a feeling of resignation engulfed me. I turned back and went home with the sad knowledge that I could do very little to change what was going to happen to the chickens. My parents were watching me so I was never out of their sight. With spirit broken and the realization that what I thought was good and right, was not enough to change the reality of the chickens ending up in the pot. The moral of this story is that regardless of what appears altruistic, ideals at times will be secondary to the realities of other necessities. Harumph.

Our first color Television (#119)

What an exciting time. I was eight, at the wide-eyed, taking-in-everything phase of my life. We lived in Carmichael, California in the year 1963. I had heard of color television from ads on tv, from classmates at school and relatives I visited who had color tv at home. So when the tv deliveryman showed up and set up our Magnavox tv, with stereo and phonograph player, combination console, I was front and center in the room to experience the wonder of color tv. I remember the magnetic circular loop the tv setup man moved around in front of the tv screen to stabilize the color adjustments to the pictures on the screen. It wasn't long before the views on the screen were being shown in color instead of the usual black and white pictures. When I was young I thrived on tv whenever I could. I would sneak up early in the morning to watch anything that was on. We only had three channels back then and they all followed a similar broadcast schedule. My parents used to get after me for always being in the house watching tv instead of going outside and playing. I know they thought I was watching too much tv but I was fascinated by the cartoons and movies and the characters that were displayed in them. TV opened up my limited world to what the rest of the world was and could be like. Don't misunderstand about my tv viewing, it wasn't obsessive just a wonderful experience I tried to incorporate into all the other activities I was involved in. My life at that age was very busy. I played and read and listened to the radio, but watching our new color tv was just the best.

One door closes another one Opens (#118)

With the way things have going lately it seems like when one door closes it hits me on the backside also. But of course that is only what it seems. My overall experience has been that another door always opens. It is just the way things are in our society, constant change. Nothing specific has happened for me lately but I am confident, yes confident something is about to happen to effect a change in my life. I am somewhat excited also. The unknown used to affect me in a nervous or fearful way. However, my inner peace is ruling my conscious these days and I am content. Not to say that I am just letting things happen without any input as to my curiousness about things, it's just that, bring it on, is my hope. I just can't explain why I have such a feeling of optimism other than I see a bright future ahead for all of us and that vision is inspiring a sense of euphoria within me. I am very happy with the direction my life is taking and positive about the role I have in my life. I used to just hang on and let myself be taken along on the current of events, now I feel that I am at the rudder and I set the course knowing that the river of my destiny will land me on the side of the shore that I choose. Too many metaphors, doors and rivers, oh well, My point is that life is grand and I am glad to be participating in it.

Peace in my Soul (#117)

When I awoke this morning it was with a weary realization that I only slept for 4 hours. Time has no favorites and my morning rituals needed to be addressed. So next time I won't stay up so late when I know I need to go to sleep earlier. Of course, there are times when I rationally choose to stay up later knowing full well that I will not get as much sleep and this was one of those times. I have been reading the old John Jakes comprehensive novels about the birth and growth of our country America. These books have captured my imagination and are difficult to put down when certain events are being described. Whatever trade-off I make in deciding which is more important, reading or sleeping, my soul is at peace with the outcome. I have been chuckling to myself in a comical way all morning. Which makes me wonder why I am in such a good mood. That's just like me though questioning a gift instead of just enjoying it. Why some mornings are a pleasure and some are more closely related to a struggle is beyond me. Today, however I will just enjoy and experience the richness of friendship and discovery every new day brings.

What can I do to Help (#116)

I suppose what I could to to help is define what I'm referring to. What is foremost on my mind these days is our economy. Somehow our collective confidence in reshaping what our future will look like has yet to evolve. If we could all agree on a foundational design then our economy has a better chance of beginning to activate. We need greater leadership in helping to formulate an outlook for our future. Generally, a greener planet is natural, but without a more detailed scope of how to implement our future, it needs further explanation. Like the 19th century land grab opportunities, our future, needs to be made, in easy to act on ways. Our wills are ready to act but the amount of red tape and qualifications necessary to even become involved is prohibitive. We are strangling ourselves by all the rules and regulations keeping most people from becoming involved in our society and business creation. Rules and regulations are important in operating and maintaining economic growth but to initially get started many if not most people couldn't even qualify to begin a business. A restructuring to ease availability to start and grow a business should be a high priority. Our country must provide us with the tools to create and expand economic models that can begin to incorporate our American spirit of hard-work and ingenuity. This is our greatest advantage in this free market system of trade. If our government will help it's citizens start ambitious business' then we could grow to help not only eliminate unemployment but also export our business' to the rest of the world and help them eliminate their unemployment. What is crucial is to use opportunity of business to operate for success of all involved not just the few at the top. I know there is some way to make this happen. It will just take the right spirit of enterprise for all of us to agree and understand. We are all in this together.

Don't worry be Happy (#115)

Personally, my life's situation is in limbo caused by the economic recovery we all are going through. The uncertainty of my vocation is still being determined. Through this time of evaluation my mind is at ease for one particular reason. Hope. I am an idealist at heart and a ever-lasting romantic. So it figures that I know disappointment all too well. Despite disappointment, I am indefatigably resistant to nothing less than a good or better outcome for my future. Things aren't up to me they are up to circumstances beyond my control. I will have to decide some things after my fate is determined and of course I will. I have little setbacks at times in keeping my perspective on my overall enjoyment of life outlook, however enjoyment of life is still and will continue to grow as a principled characteristic of my cognition. I am constantly applying my cognition of enjoyment in ways that best suit my personal behavior. As a familiar behavioral constant emerges, hopefully a natural expression of my enjoyment of life will be evidenced by those whose lives I am in. I was once on a little league baseball team sponsored by a group called Optimist International. I had no real clear understanding of what this group was all about but today I think of the name optimist international and accept the simple premise it implies. My definition to it is simply, continual hope without fail to all. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. I don't want to miss the good times worrying about the unknown. Like the little song, "Don't worry be happy."

It is all in the Waiting (#114)

Patience, what a concept. If, like yesterday, I allow myself to get caught up in the moment of exasperation I lose an opportunity to become better in dealing with frustration. My struggle yesterday was figuring out how to get a malware infection off my computer so that I could use my computer in the manner I expect. Aren't I just a lot of la de da. I can't understand why I allow myself the time to think I deserve something. It is a privilege to have what I have, granted it's not much but to some people it is a lot. My sense of entitlement comes from somewhere. My ego unchecked is obnoxious. So how and why would I let the characteristics of selfishness display themselves in my behavior. I know better and yet continue bad behavior. I must learn a better way to meditate at times of tension and chaos. I amuse myself right now in that I actually enjoy a good puzzle, yet when presented with the one yesterday I didn't recognize it as a puzzle but instead as an attack on what I deserved. Deserves got nothing to do with it. I was able to catch myself and calm down to the point of actually solving my dilemma but I don't like how my initial reaction overwhelmed my common sense. Meditation has been the number one topic on my mind all morning so it's no surprise to me that it would be in my discussion today. Everyone has moments of stress and tension. It is how we handle these moments that distinguish us from awfully bad to well done good. Just another area in my life needing some attention where before no attention was given. Good luck to all of us.

Faith as a practical matter (#113)

Whether I have an organized belief system or a belief system based on the unknown, the faith necessary for either is real and pragmatic. Real in the sense that I believe my life has no purpose unless a force within me dictates otherwise, namely faith that I do exist for a reason. Pragmatic because the truth of my faith in the past has come about through my actions whether intentional or not. Although ideology is not considered pragmatism it's consequence through action can be. I am not trying to prove the validity of faith because that would require skills I am not equipped with, however my understanding of my life and it's circumstances move me to the position that my life without faith is of no value. I might as well be a cow in the field grazing on grass for the rest of my life. Faith allows me to see what is or could be and direct my being toward it's outcome. Faith also allows me to see what can't be and to hope that the outcome may become real but to recognize that it may very well not happen as well. Faith is my barometer in measuring the desires and pressures within my life and helps me to navigate in a way that satisfies what possibilities I may recognize as realizable. For all things that matter in my life, faith is either indirectly or directly involved in a foundational way.

Living is remarkable (#112)

I am still amazed about how I am present and attentive to the things happening around me at any given moment. Everything has a possibility to it. There are no preconditions on anything happening in my life. My decisions are made with open-minded consideration with no intent to do harm or wrong. In the past I would have already made up my mind about something previous to having to make a decision, without taking into account new considerations or arguments. The lazy, arrogant method of a know-it-all. Today, I weigh decisions at the time of their necessity. There is a liberating freedom to knowing that I am not bound by influences or conventions when making up my mind. I can flow freely from one decision to the next with the confidence that the decisions were based on my best ability, at the time, to do what was right and good. Times change and so do the circumstances of decisions already made, however revisiting previous decisions and altering to new decisions is required when necessary. All done with the best of intention. We as a species are so fallible, yet we endure because we can adapt, always, toward the better and best of our natures. Admitting honest changes in opinion is admirable and should be employed when we see the correctness of change. It is like that old saying when I was very young; we didn't come with instructions. True, we didn't, but we can build our own set of instructions based upon the two foundations of our souls, compassion, which is our hearts, and curiosity which is our minds. Both working for the same goal of bettering our world to give us an opportunity to truly live a remarkable life.

Do right by one person at a time (#111)

I have had to start over several times in my life. That's OK to do when you or I feel or realize something has changed in our life and we want to go in a new direction. A do-over is how it is described in today's vernacular. It takes a strong-minded person to admit we were wrong or to see reality in a different way and actually admit and change our existing one. Whatever it takes, if we feel we are better served and/or serve better, then change or starting over is what we should do. It doesn't have to be complicated either, just start with the first person who is affected by our change and then the next person and then so on and so on. Hopefully this starting over is a good step in our life's journey and will be a positive experience for ourselves and those around us. I know that in my case every time I have altered my behavior or perspective on reality it has been to fulfill a noble principle that had been lacking in my life. I write this composition with the desire to explain that it is never too late to take an inventory of one's self and guide one's self on a different or altered course. Life is a continuum of change and change within our lives is almost required. Being self-aware is the idea and admitting the necessity to change hopefully will bring about the action to move to a better place in the evolution of our lives.

Love the Greatest Sense of All (#110)

I have been alive long enough to know that what is worthy to live for is love. My five senses of touching, tasting, smelling, hearing and seeing are fabulous and worthy of experiencing but the one emotion that exists in my life worthy of enduring throughout my whole life is love. It is the simple innocence of love that caps a cauldron of every other emotion within me. By capping I mean to say that when love is front and center all other emotions are available to protect love if needed. Love is the whole, and other emotions separately consist of its makeup. My experience is that when honest and truthful love exists there is nothing within existence that would stop me from protecting love. Nothing. The pure joy of the emotion is perfect. A complete sense of being is how I can describe the physical sensation. Every problem suddenly has a simple solution when seen through the eyes of love. This may sound delusional or naive, however, my contention is that it is only to those who are not experiencing love in their own lives. Life is too short for all of us not to experience it in it's most absolute form. Maybe love is not the absolute form to live life, maybe, but no other experience I have had has been equal to love. Sentimentality aside, to be born and have life as a human devoid of love seems to present a life with no incentive to aspire toward perfect sensations. Since our existence is predicated upon our senses then what would be the logical point without love?

The Hope for the Future (#109)

What is it within us that makes us think what we think? The impetus or genesis of what forms in our minds that we think about is a mystery to me. My thoughts are a creation that occurs within my mind and I have no proof I am the cause. It could be that I react to whatever I think or that I initiate an event or circumstance and then think of my reaction to it. Or I could be forcing thoughts to come into my mind through force of my will and then believing them to be natural and then acting on them. Wait, I think I just confused myself. Whatever the scenario, which by the way is probably a combination of all possibilities, my mind is a beautiful mixture of mystery and ideas. In allowing my mind to focus on the mysteries of life and not so much on me, I free myself to be who I really am without worrying what anyone or any convention expects me to be. Life is exciting to live within the principled and disciplined guidelines I strive to adhere to. The future of our existence is the most valuable entity I can influence. I may be brazen or bold in thinking that I could have an influence on existence but in the least sense I can, because I am part of existence therefore an influential force of some kind. What I think and how I apply my thoughts will determine the effect I have. Regardless of how my thoughts arrive in me, the purpose in having them is to allow them to identify me in the world as a person who has value and strives to consider possibilities.

One Simple Thing (#108)

I am still a man who expects things to go according to how I think they should go. My mind tells me that what I have decided is the way they should be. In a perfect world there is nothing wrong with this way of thinking. Since I don't even live near anything remotely close to a perfect world my thinking therefore is flawed and doomed to fail. I know this and yet I find myself doing it over and over again. There must be something within me that won't allow me to see the world in it's pure realistic form or my mind is not capable of sustaining a constant truthful awareness of reality. My self-evaluation on this is that my hopes, wishes and expectations overrule any logical truth or practical answer. My thinking is that, in form, and at times, I choose to force a square peg into a round hole. My motives may be right but reality dictates a different response is necessary. All of that to say that what I need to do is pause and consider for a period of time until I have a clear understanding of any decision I must or will to make. None of this is new to me. I have known this about myself for many years and yet have not been able to exercise a protocol for dealing with it. Once again today I get a chance to organize a process that, although mechanical and stilted, will allow me to function properly in matters within and outside myself. Dealing with reality on it's terms is just one simple thing that I hope will finally become just that in my life.

Logic is not Proud (#107)

To be right or correct is not license to gloat or put on "airs" of superiority. To be right or correct is not a "God given talent" to only some or one. To be right or correct is simply a practical solution or a moral decision. There are times when I sense a complete understanding of some limited problem and can rationalize the best solution with simple deduction. These times are not common for me however, and like most people, I struggle to find the best solutions I can given most problems are defined within time constraints. So the best I can do is give my best to a solution that is sufficient enough to answer a problem reasonably. I have come to be well acquainted with the term, "I don't know". In the truth of not knowing I begin to start to learn. Any false pride I may have had in the past has been shattered numerous times through logic. Humility, in admitting an ignorance to a circumstance or happening, is much more welcome to my soul than some form of false bravado or feigned knowing. I learn more clearly about a subject or object when I start with the premise that I don't know. It is OK to bare my lack of knowledge publicly. I don't wish to fool anyone and I do wish to learn more about something I didn't know previously. I am satisfied, in my soul, that it is good for me to always begin my thoughts with the earnest appreciation of logic and it's humble application.

The Art of being Genuine (#106)

The practice of being genuine requires a general understanding of who we are as a species and more specifically who I am as a person. What are my demonstrations of character and personality? Then what changes in my cognition and behavior do I idealize to form? These are the questions I need to address in order to organize a profile of my genuineness. In rationalizing a process and outline, to describe myself, I also take into account the times and circumstances where I have been disingenuous. Lessons from the past and hopes for the future will hopefully expose a wide panorama of moments I wish to mold into the definition of; the genuine Carl. In ways the legacy of who I am is the driving force of how I live my life. I know that a legacy is an illusive concept in a world as complex as this one, however my idealistic nature considers a legacy as one of the very few realities I have some control over. By stipulating that principles of honor and decency must be the parameters of my life I lay the foundation out for reasoning the circumstances that enter my life. The actions and positions I take are evidence of how far or how little I have progressed toward my ultimate goal of living within the better and best of human traits. It is not enough to try and fail at this ambitious agenda I desire. I must keep trying until I have moved ever closer to my ideal of the genuine me.

Encouraging words matter (#105)

I find that at times a simple kind word will lift my spirit and change my outlook. My fears can become dominating if I let them and occasionally I do. Left alone I allow my fears to grow into something greater than their actual being. I will magnify and expand a situation until it becomes scarier than hell. Well, maybe not hell but real scary. It is at these times that someone will say something to me that will encourage or support me. As is usually the case I reflect back on what was so fearful and I find that it was more imaginary than real. My mind has the ability to exaggerate circumstances until they grow beyond the parameters of normal concern. Possibly my mind is not disciplined enough to handle the wild swings it occasionally takes me on. I am sure there is some truth to being less disciplined than I could be but in conjunction with that I believe human interaction is necessary for all of us to keep a perspective on what is going on in our lives. We need each other to examine what we are doing in a way that brings out the best in what we are doing. I don't always need someone looking into my life with a critical eye however I do need someone to be a friend when my best interests are being foiled by me. I am inherently opposed to uninvited advice. I am also, however, attentive when that uninvited advice comes with tact and humility. True concern shows itself when the giver of the concern exhibits selflessness. I always respond more positively when encouraging words are given in the spirit of friendship.

My Hubris for Life (#104)

I've sitting here thinking about how much I would be willing to give up and still keep my sense of happiness. The economic downturn in the world right now has made me consider my own ability to support my current status. Off the top, a fear that what I have now and am comfortable with might have to be given up for the greater security of shelter, clothing, food and transportation. I know I can do without television and the Internet but what else must I have to give up. I have a dog and a cat who are my family so they stay. Electricity and gas are essential for power and heat so they stay. Phone service is trickier in that I need communication for finding and maintaining work so phone stays. Everything else however can be eliminated in order to budget to the minimum. I have these thoughts because my usual line of work has dried up with no clear restart date set. My blog would be missed but now that I am in the habit of daily writing I could always go to the journal format to replace it. My basic needs have always been a challenge since I have always had to live month to month. If it comes down to having to vacate my apartment, then another set of problems present themselves. Where do I go? What happens next? etc..... I am out ahead of my self when I follow this line of thought but I think planning for what very well could happen is intelligent on my part. None of this though has shaken my inner spirit or diminished my optimistic outlook for my future. My hubris for living is just as strong today as it has always been.

The Face in the Mirror (#103)

Good morning, I say to myself, when I see my image in the mirror. By itself, unconsciously, my face registers an emotionless look until I make my face muscles form a smile. Rarely, do I end up in front of the mirror with a smile already beaming on my face. That's OK since I haven't had very many Christmas morning type awakenings lately. Circumstances change and the happy in my life is starting to become more real and consistent. I can see the difference when I study how I actually appear back at myself. The worry lines and age wrinkles seem to be less pronounced. Maybe my eyesight is affecting what I see but I don't think so. The positiveness behind the look I present to the world is real and comfortable. The image in the mirror, that I hope is seen, is what I hope I feel inside about all things that are happening in my life. My face is the window to my soul not just my eyes. The days of wearing a mask on my face are over. There is no value in masking thoughts or emotions with a false front. All of the time the truth needs its manifestation to show on my face. Tact and diplomacy have their place in order to spare unwarranted humiliation or misappropriate cruelty, but not at the expense of sheltering a greater harm. The great principle of honesty must be a beacon for shining light on any particular person, place or event. My face can be the canvas that expresses my understandings of what is going on, around and in my life.

No Disappointment Necessary (#102)

There are very few things in existence that give me pleasure equal to writing on a subject that kindles my emotion. This is one of them. If I have no expectations I have no disappointment. My life is on-going for now, so I must take care to keep it going. Everything else is just filler. That may fly in the face of ambition and pursuit of human wonders, such as prestige or objects of complexity, but it is still just filler. The true ambition and pursuit of human wonders are idealistic ones, more of a philosophical search to find a compass I can ground my nature in. My internal happiness and stoic resolve, not to be defined by objects or uncontrollable outcomes, remain my path. The essence of my life has been defined for me. The internal search for the way to live has broadened my understanding in how to live. The impulse or drive to create from materials here on earth give us ways to improve the quality of our lives and help us manage our time as well. The distribution of these impulses within each individual cannot at this time be accurately measured, however, humanity has at it's core an equilibrium to survive and care for each other plus a curious nature to understand that which we don't understand. The proper model for life has yet to evolve in the most beneficial way to all individuals comprehensively. The future holds out this hope if we care to strive for it. The impetus created when life came into being is a continuum that will arrive somewhere, where however remains to be determined.

My word is my bond (#101)

"My word is my bond." The simplicity of saying this phrase is not as easy as actually accomplishing it. Of course it is easy to accomplish when everything goes according to plan or schedule. My problems arise when unexpected events interject themselves and other decisions come into play. In life or death emergencies allowances can be made. For the most part though unless a waiver is given by the promised one no allowance should be acceptable. Logic would dictate that a hierarchy of higher priority of circumstances should govern if a word given could be altered, however the strain on the system of accountability should always remain as the first priority. There are few ideals in human nature that I have a great influence over and keeping my word is one of them. Holding fast to virtuous principles is my ambition and goal. These ideals form the foundation of who I am so if I deny or waver from their precepts I become less who I want to be. For me that is not acceptable. I have seen enough and endured enough and practiced enough less than honorable human traits and I find despair and regret as the price for those ventures. I have mentioned in previous postings on my blog how I spent many years using the trial and error method as a default position when it came to crucial decisions in my life. Those days are over and a new day is here. Today when my word is given it will be honored by me with all the conviction I hold dear.

Happy Mother's Day (#100)

It is fitting that my 100th blog posting should fall on mother's day. The one person in my life who inspires me with a kind word of encouragement every time I talk with her. Throughout my life her hopes for making my world better than the one she lives is a constant. My mother bore the childbirth of eight of us children with each one taking a little more of her with us. Physically, the toll of just childbirth has been significant. She has endured however with a faith to be admired. Humility seems to be her stock in trade, a worthy quality. If my mother has a character flaw it's that she cares too much. I can't say enough about her courage and benevolence in keeping with the greater hopes and realities for those she loves and cares about. Life has not been easy for my mother but it has been a blessing for her. She has long ago found the joy of grace and applied it's principles to her life. I care about what a person thinks not what they have. What my mother thinks is more important to me than anything else in creation. We don't always agree nor should we but the value of knowing how she feels on most any subject continues to be a treasure for me to hold. I am fortunate that my mother is still with me as I continue the journey of life and appreciate more everyday that priceless gift. Happy Mother's Day Mom, words are just not enough to tell you how much I love You.

Humor's Power (#99)

In the beginning as a child, humor for me was a strategy and a defense mechanism in assimilating into social groups. A strategy in that if I could make you laugh you wouldn't necessarily want to outcast me. A defense mechanism so that also maybe you wouldn't want to hurt me. These childhood experiences were my first indoctrinations into the use and effect of humor. Why I felt a need to use humor to assimilate is a topic of discussion for another time, however, insecurity seems to have been the driving force. The topic of humor's power is a unique one in the traits available for human involvement. Humor is unique in that it's effect is generally positive and brings with it a sensation of good vibes. I think that the creative mind needs an outlet for humor that at times can be very droll or solemn. Humor also allows for individuals to communicate in a way that doesn't normally bridge many emotional feelings. There are many forms of humor, some very simple and direct, such as a well timed smile or an inadvertent comment at the right time. Other forms of humor take some thought to capture what is funny through the usage of irony, simile, metaphor, facetiousness and once in awhile through sarcasm. Whatever proper form of humor that is applied, it's outcome could have beneficial effects on those involved in it. Life is about living experiences that should make a person appreciate the gift life is. Humor is just a quality of life that should be available to all and practiced with courtesy and respect. Every living moment in life needs to be experienced and humor is a great way to fill some of those moments.

My Parents and their Cat (#98)

I got some happy news about ten minutes ago when I looked at my phone and saw that I had missed a call from my parents. They have been going through a sense of fear because they lost their young cat three days ago. My parents live by themselves and their cat is their little bundle of joy. Well, the cat was meowing outside their door early this morning. The cat is home. I talked to both my parents during the preceding three days and they both were feeling a loss and guilt about the cat having got out and away from them. Sadie, the cat, is an indoor cat but she is still fairly young and full of curiosity. It isn't surprising that Sadie would try to get out and away, it does however bring to the surface the raw emotion of attachment that Sadie symbolizes in my parents life. Our hearts are just as vulnerable to deep emotion whether given to a human or animal. I know the feeling, having gone through my own experiences with animals and loss. My parents are mature and determined to live a quality of life expressing their will to be a part of life. The cat's adventure however took something out of their souls. They sounded lost and defeated at the real possible loss of Sadie. Their deep sense of loss hurt those of us who knew of their misfortune. Their voices this morning also conveyed their joy over recovering Sadie and the love they both feel for her. My parents raised eight children and numerous grandchildren, but Sadie is loved by them just as much. Life gives us what we live, and how we live with it, is the true barometer of the character of our lives.

To be a Free Thinker (#97)

Everything in a market economy has a cost. Yes, even the air we breathe to the water we drink. Maybe not directly but absolutely indirectly. To be a free thinker is somewhat of an illusion since thinking freely is in itself taking a position. Not always a positive in a world striving for conformity. I understand the rationale for conformity, since it could lead to an efficient and concordant society. In some specific areas this is a universally sought after outcome by most, my pardon to the anarchists and chaos theory proponents. A slippery slope situation occurs when people of good will and honest opinion attempt to extend conformity into areas best left to individual development and exercise. It is in free thinking that we, as a society, must continue to encourage by teaching ourselves how to think, not necessarily what to think. There has never been an absolute way to live life. Living life is a learned process based on how life affects each of us. Yes, there are rules given about what can be lived in life, laws-codes-mores-ethics, but no one individual will know how to live within these parameters until they can personally ask the question, "how do I do this" and find their own answer. We are many on this planet and a society regulated in fundamentals will be necessary, but the ability to think freely, with knowledge, analysis, reason, compassion and objectivity, will require individual courage to discover our own "how" to live and stand in defense of our own decisions.

Purity of Love (#96)

Love is the one emotion I have experienced that absolutely makes me feel whole. I have no other experience with an emotion that captures the essence of my being. I have experienced powerful emotions such as paralyzing fear, great pride and tremendous joy. Not one of those is on the level with a type of perfect love. I use paralyzing fear as an example of an emotion that is inversely related to love in only a limited way. When I had been stricken with fear it was only for a moment and then through courage I was able to conquer the fear. With love, there is no amount of courage that can conquer a love that grips my being. Why would I want to conquer it anyway? Love is a gift, a special sensation attached to how my physical self operates. Never would I have thought that a feeling I could have would so dominate how I act or think on such a comprehensive level. I am only describing the good fortune I am lucky enough to have within me. How that translates to everything outside of me, including the subject of my love is not for me to control. I hope and pray that what I have been given is not wasted on me. If for no other reason I can give a meager description to it and hope to convey its purity so that anyone so fortunate to also feel love will know what an absolute perfect gift it is.

Guiding My Fate (#95)

What does it mean for me to say that I can guide my fate? What it means to me is that I can change the course of my destiny in slight and varied ways. I have enough control over who I am and how I can live my life to realistically modify the events of my fate or destiny. My destiny marches to its own drummer but how my destiny is achieved is what I am referring to. It's in the how that I have some control. The choices I make will determine how my fate is recorded in the annals of time. By sheer force of will I can hope to claim the determining factors that ultimately define my destiny. I can't get there by just hoping or believing that inherently my instinctual goodness will absolutely prevail in all circumstances. I must force a rigorous discipline upon myself in a daily fashion to keep the vigil of hope alive for the best outcome I wish for my fate. In theory, my fate had already been defined the moment I came into existence. It is in the living of my life that my fate's definition will come to be understood. I continually write about the better and best traditions of humanity because they are the yardsticks I find worthy for me to attain and be measured. If I can hold to the great principles of humanity, my humble attempt to have a more positive fate is more likely to happen than if I left it all to chance.

Time as an Ally (#94)

Time has been a very real and helpful tool for me. I used to think of time as a reference point in the limited history of my life. I only saw time as a way to measure significant points in my life. Time was just an abstract necessary to demarcate and separate events. I have come a long ways since my meager understanding of the purpose for time in my life. Time is a constant companion, a check on the balance of every decision I would or do make. In every way time has come to be a priceless, precious commodity. I think of time as an entity that allows me to pause and consider how my life is being lived. Time gives me a dimension of clarity I otherwise would not have if I didn't take time. I am not quite explaining my relationship with time in a clearly cogent way although I am trying very hard to explain. Let me put it this way, time is running for all of us, and for me, time is not to be wasted by choice. Time's value makes what I do valuable, at least for me. So time has the quality I give it, which is to raise myself up to an order of living most desirable to me. My desire is to be a courageous example of a human permeated with the principles of the best qualities humanity has evolved. Time is my constant and faithful companion in my quest to enrich all of our lives as best I am able.

Still becoming a Gentleman (#93)

"A man whose conduct conforms to a high standard of propriety or correct behavior". My most arduous ambition. This life-long growth, into the man I want to be, is complicated by my inability to discern precisely what is true in some cases. The certainty of truth can differ from one person to the next. My greatest challenge is applying logic to the emotional gift I, as a human, possess and then understanding what "correct behavior" is my truth. It is important for the truth to be my truth. I am the one who must live with my choices and hopefully be the only one who bears the consequences if they are inaccurate. In my ambition to be the best gentlemen I can be I bring principles of honor, virtue and charity and all their meanings to shape what my behavior should be. I wasn't born with noble character but I can learn noble character and claim it for my own. It is a life-choice that raises the possibility of me living the human experience in the better and best traditions of human ability. I don't do this to be better than anyone else. I don't do this to be selfish to attain an ulterior outcome. I do this so that my life may have a positive consequence in the lives of other living things. I do this so that when my life is over it can be said; look that guy Carl helped me more than he harmed me. To me, helping someone more than harming someone is the greatest legacy I know I can achieve just by trying.

How to justify Greed (#92)

I have been trying to think of all the ways I can to justify having everything I want regardless of how it affects anyone or anything else. I can go to survival of the fittest and say I'm stronger and more deviously clever so I should have all I want. I could say that capitalism in its perfect form allows me to attain all that I want through legal and governmental sanction. I can say that greed is a natural trait and I am inherently only following my genetic code. I can say a moral/ethical code isn't necessary when I put myself above anything or anyone else, so why should I care what happens to you. I guess I could spend a lot of time listing reasons to support a greedy state of mind. In some possible culture this might even prove to be a honorable principle of the highest order. What's lacking in these aforementioned concepts for justifying greed is the bond of compassion we should all feel for each other. The term heartless comes to mind. The sociopathic/psychopathic behavior comes to my thoughts when I think of greed without any other concern. In our society today there are examples of greed that have been masked in economic terms and philosophies for the purpose of clever deception to fill a need to be greedy. It is important for all of us in society to call these examples out and expose them to principles of truth. My soul is torn with hurt when I see how some of us humans allow greed to blind us to the real harm our selfish actions place upon other humans. Proper honorable human traits would not allow it.

Let the Past Go (#91)

At times I catch myself thinking back into my past and reminiscing about when good things happened and when bad things happened. There are times when looking back into my past helps me determine what to do in my present and future and that is natural and intelligent. It is not these times that I am writing about. It is the times when my mind wanders around through my memories with no particular direction. This way I have of mind-wandering has not been very beneficial to me. The process of growth of who I am are the predominant memories I encounter. It is the growth of who I am now that inspires this posting today. The process of growth itself however has not been too inspiring. I've said before that I was inclined to learn through trial and error. Although I rarely practice this principle of uneven logic, I did for a long time. My memories of decisions I've made have made me wince with a feeling of regret and embarassment. I must continually remind myself that those experiences are in the past and have, in a purely luck kind of way, gotten me to where I am today. I am so very thankful and appreciative to be living life as I am now. I don't make decisions based on chance or self-important reasons. To keep letting my mind wander into the land of my mind where what could have been torments me is irresponsible and foolish on my part. Today, life is hard and long and I know this and embrace it, because this is the true reality for me. I'm not the boss of me, life is.

My Expectation of possibilities (#90)

There are several qualities of human nature that I truly admire. One of them is the expectation of something incredible about to happen in my life. This is a quality that affects me on so many levels of my thinking patterns. The anticipation never grows weary because the happening of the expectation is one of the few sensory experiences that offer an aura of what goodness feels like. Whether the expectation ever arrives or not is not the point. The point is, what some of my friends and I like to call, the journey. This journey is a pathway toward an ideal I hope to see realized, notwithstanding the ideal actually coming into being. That is an experience I will leave as a subject on a future posting. I have no imperical evidence to support my expectation of a long desired ideal on the cusp of happening but nonetheless I have an inspired sense of hope that is infectuously, (in a good way), permeating my well being. Many times reality has shown no result in previous hopeful times and many more are sure to continue. However, I will never discount the possibility of a fruitful outcome journey because of the aforementioned sense of feeling the essence of goodness. One of the truly good qualities a human can mentally, physically and spiritually experience.

The Fear of the Unknown (#89)

Ignorance is not bliss. I used to think it was because I was afraid my point of view would change. I wanted my point of view to stay the same because selfishness was my principal driving force. I wanted what I wanted and I would lie, cheat or steal to get and keep it. I was afraid of change, that I would have to give up control or have it taken away and be left with nothing. That was then, this is now. I embrace knowledge and have discarded selfishness as my driving force. Ignorance is ignorance, bliss is bliss and I attain either by practicing the principles of either's meaning. Knowledge has unleashed within me a vehicle to understand my societal, ethical, moral, judicial and environmental place and their resposibilities within existence. This vehicle is accumulating ever increasing amounts of information that make it difficult for me to ever feel comfortable about any current point of view. Some things are static however and learning, being mindful of doing right things and especially being aware of others and how I can be a positive in their lives, remain as constants in my life. Today I absolutely appreciate the wonder of the unknown and look toward its enlightening lessons.

A Duty to Our Sovereignty (#88)

Ecclesiastes 3, verse 1: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." This statement is remarkably clear in both it's function and time. I love this verse because it highlights the necessity of individual/groups of individuals, to understand events in their lives in a way that affects them. Sovereignty over myself makes me a sovereign to how I act or react. All of us share this unique quality of being. When we are not sovereign over our actions then in some way or form we have abdicated our right to be our own sovereign to someone or something else. This last statement concerning abdication of sovereignty is the topic of my writing this day. As individuals who are free spirited and given to knowing the inherent right of freedom, we have a duty, a genetic duty to focus and shape our lives to the better and best of our shared human traits. If this one principle of duty to myself was all I ever knew about how life should be lived, I can honestly say that my life would be a worthy adventure and notable as a honorable example of how to live.

Every Life is Remarkable (#87)

I am writing this post about how every human life born, living and deceased is another example of the remarkable experience of conciousness. In all of thought, humanity's example is only overshadowed by nature. Of all things that have been verifiably documented throughout history humanity is the most diverse reasoned species to have occupied existence. This preface is given to illustrate my understanding of the absolute preciousness of every human life. With the good of humanity unfortunately, at this time in our evolution, comes the bad of humanity. It is the bad that I wish to expose by using truth. When we care and wonder about each other the good is absolutely dominant. Inversely, when we care only for our selfishness and chose not to wonder about all of us, a sickness sets in and war, disease, hunger and poverty establish a breeding ground for prominence. I have a choice, I can care and wonder how we are all doing together or I can allow prejudicial behavior such as selfishness define who I am. I have always been a fighter who must prove his worth to the forces of the universe or I will cease to be who I want to be. My choice has been made now all, every human, must also make their choice. Don't let someone else make your choice, embrace who you are and celebrate that everyday.

Owning our Thoughts (#86)

Over the years I had become less and less the person who I am so that I could become the person others wanted me to be. I recognized that I needed to stop that course of action and allow myself to be me, with courage and the conviction, to present who I am to the world. The more I allowed myself to be distorted by the traditions of society, the more I became someone who I didn't identify with. Behaviors, attributed to traditional attitudinal stereotypes, no longer serve as my guide for expression. How I feel and react to those feelings MUST be sincere and honest. I am sturdy and hearty about adventure and principled thought and in continuing along those paradigms I will be able to present, in truth, the understandings they bring into my life. I will always cherish the concept that we must not be taught what to think but we should be taught how to think. Once we, individually, are the masters of our own thoughts concerning society it is logical that we can then start to contribute to the ongoing debate of how our society evolves. Before that begins we should be prepared to think and own our own thoughts.

False sense of Security (#85)

Many times I have been caught up in the positive currents of my day to day living that I start to feel immune to any natural disappointments of my reality. This false sense of security becomes an illusion that I need to recognize and temper with meditation and patience. When I am on a roll with many good things happening in a short period of time I must be thankful and enjoy the experience without creating an expectation of it continuing indefinitely. At times I fall under the spell of an illusion that I have some secret and deserved destiny that has finally come around to me. My ego of superiority wrestles its way to the forefront of my mind and feeds on the illusion that nothing but good things should be happening in my life. Contrarily, reality eventually returns and with it a deflation of my ego. The gives and takes of positive and negative events in life are a natural extension of life in a shared society. Keeping this one basic truth at the forefront of my mind helps keep me even-minded whether good or bad is happening around and/or to me.

Keeping My Life Simple (#84)

Over a half lifetime I have been learning a simple truism, keep things as simple as possible. Just like William Occam's Razor, the simplest answer is usually the correct answer (paraphrased). For me, the simplest way to live my life is the best way. I don't have or need complexity without making simple understandings and finding simple solutions. I am not that smart in areas of daily living that would suggest that I can rationalize solutions beyond my ability. My abilities are very limited and only show themselves when I act to sacrifice nonsense or self-worthiness for humanitarianism. If I just think about how I can make life better around me everything else seems to make sense to me. Having a perspective through the prism of sense is what my logical mind craves. Through keeping my perspective in a clear panoramic scope I am able to see most things that I need to know to help me keep things simple. Rereading this post as I am typing it makes me realize that I use a complex process to live my life in a simple way. However the complexity in process I use is starting to come naturally because I attempt to place first the principles of honor, honesty and a willingness to live life to the better and best values of the human experience. Simply, selfishness, in my life, must diminish so that selflessness may grow.

I can't learn enough (#83)

I love the process of learning as much as I love learning itself. To be at a place where I can read a book is what I like to do. To be at a place where I can watch information is a good time for me. Writing some thoughts about what is important in my life always seems to give me some insight that I didn't have before I began to put letters on a page or screen. My day is full of the processes I use to learn. This is important for a couple of reasons, first, I actually am learning something new or old and I am able to absorb this knowledge and allow it to mold me into a better person. Second, my day is filled with activity that I enjoy and benefit from, which keeps my mind alert and keeps me busy living life and not wasting valuable time. It is well documented that those people who quit being active or engaged in life start to lose individual cognitive skills. I have been fortunate to have a desire to learn, my blessing is that there is a universe of knowledge out there that is always waiting to inform me. I truly don't wish for life to end for me and everyone else because of the rich experiences life would give us.

Friendship is Important (#82)

Friendship is important; these are not just words that define a relationship. Friendship is not the same as an acquaintance, friendship offers emotional attachments that work in a synchronicity between friends. Friendship is an exchange of care and concern in hopes of helping one another. When I am in friendship with someone it means that the friendship is a bond as significant as a familial one. The distinction of an acquaintance as opposed to a friendship is valuable in helping to define what a friendship is. An acquaintance is someone who I know in a limited way, someone who's life activities are unfamiliar to me. Someone who has not taken the time or effort to question and respond to the patterns of someone else's life. Friendship is a genuine ideal expressed in everyday living between individuals for the purpose of connecting and learning about living life with some order in a chaotic world. We should judge ourselves through the eyes of our friends to keep a perspective about ourselves that is better observed from the outside than the inside. We are a help to each other in so many ways to navigate the forces that flow for and against us in a continuing fashion. Friendship helps us define who we are.

The Universe is Ours (#81)

When we planted the American flag on the moon we staked our claim to the universe. I say that because we went beyond the limits of our planet and reached into the vast space we call universe. The moon was just the first terrestial body we explored. I like to think of Americans being the noun used to describe all earthlings. Our constitution would welcome all people to join us in one nation on the earth. This seems more likely to happen further in the future but I like to imagine it can happen in my lifetime. I posit this in the hope that my premise of compassion and curiosity, being the dual components of human natural instinct, will eventually be allowed to be full time experiences of our natures wholly as individuals. If that be the case then all of us belonging together in a system of governence and lawful abiding naturally could allow us all to be Americans. The continued search and progress associated with exploring our universe would be a natural flow of our curiosity and would bring unlimited opportunities to do just that. I care and I wonder what the future holds for us in our universe.

Restart over again (#80)

When I have a problem with my laptop I usually find a way to fix it or I start over. Most times starting over and avoiding making the same mistake(s) again allows me to finish the task that I have started. I illustrate using the laptop because of the similarity it has with my human ability to have a task complete successfully. I have to start over occasionally, in my human endeavors, because I have made an error somewhere along the way. The critical juncture in my starting over is finding the courage to admit I am wrong and start from the beginning again. Like my laptop, which is made by humans, my humanity is fallible. I celebrate the fact that I am constantly becoming better in my ability to recognize my mistake(s) before I actually make them. I also celebrate the fact that when I make a mistake I don't act like I didn't, I act like I did and resolve to correct it in the spirit of my knowing I am still and always will be fallible. It seems antiethical that I should find pride in being fallible, but the sense that it is true and I embrace that with the caveat to correct it is where the inner pride of my virtues is placed. Know and correct or restart over again.

Indomitable Spirit (#79)

Like I usually do before I start my blog I meditate with an open mind and then "poof" an idea is there. All I need is an idea and I am ready to jump right into it. This morning the beginning of a concept formed about what it is that links us from generation to generation. All of a sudden I knew, it is our shared indominable spirit. Humanity is gifted in that we are inherently protective of our place in existence. We, as in all of us, find whatever we need to find to continue our quest toward what, we are not sure. It is this curiosity to answer the what, that inspires us and motivates our resources in our never-ending struggle. It is a struggle because by our very natures we also have a tendency toward self-destruction. Our will to survive has bettered our will to chaotically destroy so far, with hope that we are realizing this contradictory dilemna and safeguarding ourselves from ourselves. Science, technology and enlightenment lead the way in stabilizing our society of humanity from our baser instincts. Our indominable spirit is allowed greater access to reality in ways that are fresh and new. We continue to advance principles that are beneficial and responsible on ourselves which then allow our spirits to hope for greater achievements, with less and less opportunities for us to reason our own destruction.

The Rich and Full Life (#78)

My experiences are what I value the most. I had a friend who used to say that everything material is just pig-iron. What he meant was that the only thing he had worth any real value was his skin and what was beneath it. He would say that if all he had while walking through life were the clothes on his back then he would still know he was happy. There have been two times when the things I had on my back were all the material things I had. Since then, I have been able to accumulate some things but I know, through experience, that being alive and knowing it, was where my true sense of value became established. I have not become the best man I can be yet but I have started down that path with a vigor and a zeal. "I think, therefore I am", is the Cartesian existential truism. Everything after this general philosophical axiom is gravy so to speak. Rene Decartes' simple statement is the foundation of where all my thoughts begin and end, so that I can keep what life really should be like in perspective. The proof of my rich and full life is how I live, not what I live with and have.

Music to inspiration to family (#77)

The waves created by particular sounds resonate within me at times with absolute joy. The particular waves of sound are what we call music. This phenomenon of human auditory experience is one of several privileges I have come to hold sacred in having in my life. The orderly precise execution of instruments with honest balladic melodies serve to inspire me to motivation and inner peace. If I only had one means of communication it would be through music. Music is universally appreciated by everyone I have ever met and I feel certain that everyone else has some form of appreciation as well. Music can be the bridge to friendship with all people of the Earth. I just know how it makes me feel when chords are played and vocals accentuate, I am in a nirvana state of being. I truly believe that music will show the way to universal peace. Someday the right words with the right sound will be composed and our humanity will see the true meaning of inspiration. It is then that we will be able to see all of ourselves as brothers and sisters in a world crying out for us to become family.

Answers through Objective Reason (#76)

I find that if I don't allow myself to understand what my position is on whatever thing I am proclaiming then I am a fool. I have been a fool too many more times than I can remember and will be a fool again if I don't make myself understand my position. The best way for me to start to understand is to listen to reasonable arguments pro and con and then meditate on a simple premise; what is best for all. Truth can be difficult to find amongst many emotional, complex persuasions. However, the objective mind must distinguish and separate the rational from the irrational. Forces can come to bear and influence a particular rationale in keeping with prejudices, tradition and ulterior motives. It is easy to rationalize the pure simple truth of any matter, it is hard not to take into account my own motivational priorities. By eliminating myself from the equation and making myself responsible, to the honest truth in furthering the good and great of the human experience, I find a process for bring about the best of my intent and wisdom on any particular dilemna.

To be Perceived (#75)

I have spent many years of my life staying out of people's lives. I had hoped to gain an independence for myself that satisfied my ego's desires. This comes with a cost however and I had been paying the price in loneliness. I now fully understand the physical law of; "for every action their is an inverse and equal reaction." This law of physics applies in a social way as well, for everytime I refused to be apart of something the less I was asked to join. The subsequent pulling away with the resultant loneliness is the effect I was left with. I know that I enjoy serene quiet time by myself but only for short periods of time. I have also discovered that I am a social creature who desires companionship and friendship, based upon acceptance. How did I begin to solve my dilemna? That would be the familiar trial and error method of learning that I seemed to prefer for the first half of my life. I know now that to maintain the quality of both alone time and together time I need to adjust to the continual circumstances that presently confront me. By facing my minute by minute opportunities with a regard for what is good for me and what is good for you, my answers come in a more complete and comprehensive way. I don't have to rely on the trial and error default system anymore. I am now happy with being a part of my life and your life as well. It is nice to be perceived again.

It's in the Trying (#74)

It's in the trying that we usually attain some form of something. I wanted to write about remaining positive as much as possible but that is all about actually trying. The effort to move from one place to another is an action necessary for implimenting a choice to move. By trying, we can succeed in moving by our own terms and control the outcome more desirably. Trying, infers a hope to accomplish or at least not quit. I try not to give validity to any voice that would thwart my nature or my principles of life. My hopes can be dissuaded but only if they are not burgeoned with personal emotion. So for the most part how my life is qualified is in proportion to how much effort I put into it. This is my reality, I don't purport to describe anyone elses. We all have the quality of trying in common and whatever the parameters of one's life effort to achieve, trying is universal. Trying is best respected when it is done in honesty and in the best tradition of human value. The shortcuts to achieve, that are implemented, can only be described by me as not proud. My best way of thinking is that the value of the achieved goal is equal to the effort put forth to see it realized.

Where your heart is (#73)

It is interesting to watch people and their responses to situations that expose their way of thinking or instinctual behavior before they can mask it to conform to being politically correct. Interesting in the sense that we are all evolving toward what we should be as opposed to what we are currently. I try not to make judgements about anyone knowing full well the depth of my own inadequacies. Time is not the great equalizer in this area, conviction to change is. I have seen too many older folks who are so stuck in their "wise" ways of perception that cannot be validly defended. To make the argument for their benefit as a way to rationalize a different perspective often falls on deaf ears. Where did we get the thought that we had learned everything we needed to know and that nothing else could ever change that. Is it a genetic disposition that won't allow anything to stop the rumbling path of ego and bias? I doubt this description. I think that a comfort zone has been established and a line in the sand has been drawn and the defense of it has become consuming despite all evidence otherwise. It is so simple to say I am wrong or I didn't know that. There is no lack of respect for not being god-like, however there is loss of respect by portraying to be god-like. Life should always have an element of uncomfortableness to it so that we are wary and vigilant toward those things that would take us from the good our hearts recognize.

Angry at a single word (#72)

Most every morning I have no idea what I am going to comment about and this morning I had no idea as usual. Except I read my morning paper first and saw that a high school friend was being remembered in the obituary column. My first reaction was, No! My next reaction was a very solemn feeling. I contacted one of his sisters with a note of condolence. I am still feeling very upset about how young we die. We should all be allowed to live forever, or at least a very long time. The randomness of death is troubling to me. I don't understand its purpose, maybe that's why I am angry. Life can be such an agreeable proposition but our control over it is illusory. I am as determined as ever to live by my, recently understood, honorable principles. To have as much quality in my life as I can possibly have is all I am consumed by these days. I no longer think in the selfish mode of what satisfaction can I have for myself, but rather how can I make the living experience a happiness all can enjoy. The time of thinking of myself in terms of self-satisfaction are over. The time of thinking of others is now upon me and I shall strive to honor this time with everything within me. Goodbye my old friend Wayne Stevens.

Only what's in front of Me (#71)

As complicated as the world is I know that my intelligence is only good up to the point of what's in front of me. If you ask me I consistently say the same thing, I don't know. It is OK to say I don't know, when, I don't know. When I was young I always admired the sage wise man image and hoped that at some day I would be able to grow into one myself, well that appears not to be the case simply because I was way too selfish growing up and didn't dedicate myself to learning and listening. Like most things in my life I wasn't willing to put in the effort to attain something the correct way. A lot of times I felt I was special and could shortcut the hard, correct way for my easier, gifted one. Now that I have matured and realize that we are all gifted and special, the hard correct way was the way I should have done everything. I wasn't a total self-conscious unaware fallible person, some things I did the hard and correct way, but too few to ever qualify me as a credible sage and insightful human being. Like anything though, I have begun to improve in my insights and my instincts are good. So I may not be a sage wise man, but I do know what's going on in front of me and maybe a little bit beyond. The journey of my life continues and maybe through some luck, hard work and consistency I might just become someone whom I can be proud of in helping myself and others know what's going on around us.

Fasting and all that. (#70)

Today I started my third full day of not eating food. I have had decaffeinated coffee with creamer, a small glass of orange juice with my daily vitamin and of course water. For some of you who know me I have been a vegetarian for over a year and have used becoming a vegetarian to help me in my weight loss endeavors. Recently I had a day of eating well above my apportioned amount and this fasting is in response to that. I gave in to some food, not meat, I had been craving and enjoyed an ample amount of it. Now however, I am reinforcing my diet back to a leaner regimen. I do this because I had stabilized at a weight and was having a difficult time focusing on my steady weight loss ambition. The curious part about my one day splurge is that it made feel physically uncomfortable and mentally deflated. I suppose this episode served as a reminder to me that the temptation I was undergoing before I gave into the excess food splurge helped me to get more focused and motivated toward continuing my weight loss mission. If there is a moral to this story of my weight loss struggle it's that even when I fail at a part of something I can use that failure to reinvigorate my quest to continue toward success in a more motivated way. Redouble my efforts so to speak. As for the fasting? A good time to practice denying any further illusory taste bud temptations.

Responsibility for Truth (#69)

Why tell the truth? I guess we can all imagine a world without truth being at the center of our lives. Without truth any act or justification becomes valid. Truth gives us a sense of direction as to how to live our lives. If I did not have truth as a foundation my decisions would be erratic, chaotic and mostly wrong. Truth is the essential awareness necessary for most individuals to live in a life of possible continuity. With truth comes a vision for a purpose for our individual/collective lives. I know that truth at times is in the eye of the beholder, regardless though, we all get to be the beholder. If we establish that truth is our shared necessary concept then we have a responsibility to advance it whenever it appears. Tactfulness or diplomacy notwithstanding, the shared experiences in our lifetimes, demand that we are not denied the truth. We can not be the judge of truth when it is its own judge. Life is hard but it is also good and when we strive to accept truth without reservation then the hard and good combine to forward our lives and gives us an opportunity to change and improve.

Money and/or Progress (#68)

In this present day society of ours it seems that we continually place more value, on the things we should be passing down through the generations, by requiring monetary recompense. Or, in other words, we are increasingly charging money for natural advice. My grandfather used to sit me down and explain how things worked in a way that I was able to accept or reject. I didn't have to pay him for his insights. He felt an obligation to increase my and my other family members' understandings to help us deal with the world in a smarter fashion. I wrote one daily writing in this blog about work several weeks ago and in it I tried to convey the power of acccomplishment. In doing work that creates or maintains the functioning of our society we can feel a sense of worth and gratitude while accepting payment for our maintenance and betterment. Along with that we also have a duty to each other to share natural knowledge about purpose, hygeine, compassion and curiosity. When we talk to each other about what life can and should be like, we then have an opportunity to fulfill the basic human endeavor of shared experiences and shared goals. Shared generational experiences should not have dollar signs attached.

My Body versus Me (#67)

I know this sounds like a weird title but there is some comment I want to make about it. Many times I have thought quietly about the connection between my inner self, or my spirit, and my physical self, my body. To me they are two different things. My spirit has a continuity of freshness that my body doesn't exhibit. I know I must take into account the limits of my body but I must also allow my spirit to forge ahead beyond my physical tiredness and accomplish some things I feel necessary. The old saw about "When the going gets tough the tough get going" seems appropriate to what I am describing. I know that I am one being but I also know that I am made up of parts that make me one being. It is this understanding that allows me to mix the different parts of myself to match the need I am confronting. These parts or qualities give me opportunities to succeed if I am willing to give the great effort necessary. This conversation began in my head when I thought about how tired and sore my body was and how eager and fresh my spirit was feeling. The contradiction within the boundaries of me enlightens me to the fact that my body dictates the length of my life but my spirit dictates the quality of my life. In the reasoning I hold dear, quality of life overrules quantity of life every time.

Life=Change (#66)

As much as I wish for a steady, consistent life existence my experience has been a jumbled, chaotic one. Only in some areas of my life have I found any consistency. My consistent moments require me to make the effort for them to remain. The inconsistency of my life requires very little effort on my part. The world around me is constantly changing and pulling me along with it. For me, accepting this fact had been difficult because I had just started to figure things out a little when they would change again. Now I don't get caught up in the minute understandings of every detail, but just let life take me where it wants and live by my principles as a guide. "Going with the flow" has never been more clear to me than how I live it today. The past construction of my life has its charms and fond memories. My present today however is not backward looking but aimed at what my day brings me and how I can be the best within that. Life is short enough without me not facing it head-on with all my expectations, in the, what will the world bring me next mode. I have a duty to humanity to live my life in the best tradition of an eager honest being. The constant change around me gives me many opportunities to challenge my abilities to grow and adapt in my quest to be the human I hope to be.

Constant Affirmation (#65)

When I stopped drinking a couple of years ago I went to meetings designed to help maintain an alcohol free lifestyle. I continued to go day after day for the first 622 days of my new sobriety. On day 623 I was so sick I had to stay in my miserable get-well bed. The reason I bring this aspect of my life up is because it clearly illustrates my need to have constant affirmation. It is not because I am a lunkhead, it is because I tend to forget what is in my own best interest. Not necessarily uncommon, but not wise. So going to a meeting everyday and establishing a positive pattern aimed at changing my behavior seemed like the right thing to do. As it turned out my strategy of constant affirmation has been successful to this point. I don't follow the same regimen of attendence at meetings like I did initially but the behavior I learned has stuck with me and my problems with alcoholic consumption have disappeared. Some things in life are easy to change when a pattern has not been established, however once patterns have been in place for an extended period of time the changing of the familiar pattern becomes much more difficult and in my case required a constant affirmation. The constant affirmation process is simply a tool which can be used to help any desired behavioral modification to become a reality.

A Vision toward the Future (#64)

It is imperative and natural for each individual to have a sense of how or what the future should be or look like. The importance of future thinking helps shape the how, what, why, where, when and who in our present lives. My thinking on this is that I have a generalized vision of the future and my present motivations and actions are guided by it. My purpose, in being alive, is to help bring about an existence that I would be proud to present to the universe as worthy to the good and great principles of the human experiment. Thinking of the many positive human traits, even other positive traits expressed in the animal kingdom, gives me a starting point. Mixed in is the enduring curious nature of ours that highlights our boldness and courage to face the unknown with determination, enthusiasm and marvel. I see myself as just another link in a chain of humanity stretching toward the future with no end in sight. It is this simple conceptual vision that drives me to continually work toward the betterment and best that life could offer to our beloved species and all that we hold dear.

Inspiration (#63)

I hope to have a life full of inspired moments. Inspiration is rejuvenating and motivational. The freshness and new feeling of realizing a hope that could be possible is life-affirming. The vigor that accompanies an inspired concept, whether old or new, exposes a strength within me that I have not tapped. The rejuvenating of a weary soul toward a youthful hubris is a gift of immeasureable value. Oftentimes, I find myself flowing in a stream of inconsequential patterns of activity that unconsciously turn me cynical toward the constant change within life. Perhaps though, because of the cynical moments, inspiration can be even more exhilarating. However, I would hope to never fall into cynicism. Motivating my life through inspiration appears to be the course I am most attuned to. The principles of honor and respect of others can be more effective in my life when I am surrounded by individuals who share the common sensation of inspired care or duty to good and greater behavior. If I am the only one who can be inspired at a given moment then my wish is to make the most of the inspiration and share it as I am able.

Why I write everyday (#62)

For me this blog has become a necessity in my daily living. There are few outlets that allow me to form a concept on an idea in a thoughtful descriptive way. I am certain that my concepts are controversial in that one description does not fit all humans. However, my concepts are mine and that's what I need to express at any given time. Just having the medium to expose my thoughts for anyone to see is a comfort. I never wish to advocate precepts that cause division or strife unnecessarily and hope I never do. Like the preamble in my blog attempts to communicate, I would have a sense of accomplishment if in any small way I can advance enlightenment. The purpose to advance enlightenment is one reason, another is that I have a need to express myself as a self check on how I am doing at any given time. To self-motivate is important so that I don't lapse into a static place of non-growth. My dependence on others for actions I need to take for myself is not the best solution for me in becoming more the person I wish to be. It is through this daily writing of this blog, and putting the principles I describe in it, into action, that the travels of my life will be honorable and hopefully respected by those who enter into my life.

A New Beginning (#61)

I was a boy when John Fitzgerald Kennedy was our president but I remember the inspiration and hope that surrounded him and how that affected the ones in my life. I was sitting in my third grade class with my classmates and Mrs. Powell our teacher, doing our daily coursework and then the intercom overhead came on. This moment is etched in my memory because of the impact it had on me for the rest of my life. Someone in our school office came over the airwaves and announced that our president had been shot and his injuries were severe. This was one of those moments in my life where everyone in our classroom were equally stunned, silent and scared. My biological father had died about six months earlier so I understood the feeling that was starting to envelope me. My safety and security were being ripped from my life and my hopes and dreams were being shattered. As an eight year old boy I only saw what I could become and that ideal was being destroyed. When I got home from school my mother was crying her eyes out of tears because President Kennedy was dead. Today forty five years later I find that, because of President Obama, I am thinking about what I could become again with the same youthful hopes that I had as a boy. A new beginning is upon me and I wish that it will be upon everyone to see a vision of life, like I see through my eyes, so that we all can have this new beginning.