(#6050) A propensity to drift

      I am sometimes reminded what it is to be an innocent within my head. Like the lazy summer river current I catch myself adrift just peacefully going down the stream of life. To me this is a great thing that I can lose myself in time and space with nothing of anything happening between my ears. It is curious at the same time that my mind is just at such an ease as to allow me an escape from all that has ever been or will ever be me. I also somewhat have a small fear that this is not something I want to expand on its own. I know that my mind has the ability to "cure" the pressures and stresses I experience as a default mechanism. A survival tact if you will.
     So as much as I appreciate my occasional drifting I do not want to grow it into more. My body may well want me to slow down and enjoy existence on the most basic level but my will to know what I need to do at all times is a constant that I am unwilling to compromise. Yet I will have to understand that two forces are at play here and ignoring one of them is not an answer. So I will continue to monitor how often I find myself drifting through time and space and the durations of such. This drifting is something I would know in my dreams but that I can experience them now in the reality of awakening is noteworthy.
     In the big picture I have always seen myself as the captain of the good ship Carl. I feel no different than the first consciousness I remember. But time and space are not within my scope of control so it must be so that my aging has a say in how I continue. It is one thing to logically know something but it is a little more in depth to actually feel it. Either way with me the conclusion remains the same. If my body is trying to let me know that I need to age gracefully with a tempered approach to all my passions then I will listen carefully. Meanwhile when I do find myself having a moment of serenely beautiful nothingness I will allow myself to immerse within it when appropriate.