All of us are family (#213)

How come I am able to see that we are all family when I was unable to do this in my past? One simple answer, I know who I am now. The questions that dominated my thinking always led me to a place where I was the center of things. Since I could be the center then all things were necessarily, directly or indirectly, about me. I have since learned that we are all equal and capable of thinking of ourselves as the center of things. This does make it difficult for me to continue to think that I am at the center of all things. Logic is my friend and ally now, so logically if we are all equal then we are all at the center of things together. We are all family. I needed to have an ego in the past because of the inadequacies I carried around about myself. This ego is not necessary anymore since I have good information that we all feel inadequate at times. Without the need for my ego I have found a contentment in my soul that makes me happy to know that we are all at the center of things. I like the company and the selflessness within me begins to feel the satisfaction associated with sharing in and with other people's lives. The miracle of life continues to astound me. I am amazed at the reality of sensation and reason. The perfectness of knowing who I am has been the saving grace of my life. I am just so fortunate to be a part of this existence and all the the other souls and wonders that inhabit it.

The depth of my personal introspection (#212)

Today is a liberated day for me. I can now sense that I have moved on from a place that held anxiety and deep-seated emotion. We have heard the word catharsis lately in America's political debate. The word catharsis means a purification, cleansing or clarification. I mean to use it's terms purification and cleansing. Yesterday I had the opportunity to bring closure to a subject of intense personal interest to myself. I was able to locate and visit at the grave site of my biological father who died when I was 6 years old, 47 years ago. I had not seen him for 48 years, when he left us to start a new life with someone else. I will not go into all the years of emotions and assumptions I had about my worthiness or my value, but I will try to sum them up with the concept that I was ashamed and angry with what I perceived as my beginning in life. Over the decades I have found that my worthiness is not predicated on other people"s actions but upon my own. Although I still harbored anger toward him I was able to function with the living in a respectful and happy way. When this opportunity came up for me to find and visit his grave, I knew deep within me that I needed closure on the anger I still unconsciously hid as an old friend. When I was alone standing over his grave my heart melted away like the young child I was when he left us and I began to tell him that I love him today and I was always wrong for being angry with him and was no longer. I asked for his forgiveness and apologized for expecting him to be something he obviously could not become. My Father took his own life, How he came to that I will not ever know but for me to carry his burdens was wrong. Today I love my deceased Father and love my living Step-Father. It is amazing the power of love when we just allow it to be.

Aspire to inspire (#211)

After watching the service for Ted Kennedy at the JFK Library, I was reminded once again about how to live my life. I have written on the impact JFK had on my young life and what an inspiration he was to my foundational core values. With Ted's passing, all the emotions of what The Kennedy's, John, Bobby and Ted, accomplished through their own personal will to make a difference in our lives came rushing back. However anyone views the political stances of this family one undeniable truth is that they found in service to our country a higher calling than just personal ambition for themselves. I know many who believe that everyone should be able to take care of themselves no matter what. That there should be no government "welfare" at all. Well, I am not one of those who thinks that Capitalism by itself is the answer. I am like the Kennedy's in the regard that some areas of life require and demand a system that is offered and protected as a right for our citizenry. The form of this system cannot stand alone as a capitalist venture, humanity and justice must be included. We, as citizens, are the government. We must root out the influences that would shape our policies and our destinies away from the practices that only benefit the few at the expense of the many and aim toward an egalitarian society based on Democracy and fueled by Capitalism. As a government established to protect it's citizens, broadening that scope out to not only protecting but insuring the health and education of our citizens seems a logical evolution of the principles established to create the American way. It is this that the Kennedy's represented to me and me who took this as their message. Strengthen our society by establishing fundamental rights in the area of health and education and by doing so only increase the opportunities to all of our citizens. A win-win situation.

The encourageable ones (#210)

I have such a skip in my step this morning. It is Friday and the work week is almost done but that is not why my happiness is larger today than any other day. Nothing special has happened for me except that I see our future today with such a clarity. I have started to see how the goodness one person brings into the the world has such a ripple effect on others that come into one's path. If I can always see that I have no benefit in my happy behavior outside the general good feeling it gives me then anything of a more complex effect that is good becomes very satisfying. I am like the blind man who walks along a path with a happy heart regardless of potential feelings of inadequacies. The overall benefit to maintaining a happy philosophy is that the world has the potential to share in my happiness. Other benefits include friendships that are based upon positive influences and satisfying outcomes. The sharing in the growth and evolution of our species is also a peaceful and rewarding acknowledgement to the beauty of happiness and hope. My own personal evolution has come with many bouts of anger and denial. The person I was when I was selfish is not the person I am since I have found selflessness to be more in tune with my own harmonic nature. My and our Planet is our lifeblood, My and our faith in some form of a creator allows us the sanctity to be who we are within the bounds of honorable principles and honorable actions. I see our future where we are all magnificent and amazing. I found this approach to life through the presence of living in happiness as much as humanly possible.

The struggle continues (#209)

We may come and go as human lives on this Planet, but the common welfare of all of us and the future generations of us continues. There is still plenty to do and all of us are needed to take a share of the load. It is always in the how as to what the progression of our civilization will look like. The how needs to have the best of human nature attached to it in order to show history the remarkable abilities of the human race. I am confident that our species will look to it's heart and soul to find the best way to proceed which includes and nurtures all of us. All pretext of selfishness needs to be eliminated from the discussion of how to proceed and the honorable method of selflessness must be our guide. I know all of this sounds so Pollyanna or too sensitive, however the stakes are actual human lives and presumption of weakness, mostly self-induced, must not be allowed to hijack our attempts at true growth of our species. I look forward to many good days of debate and progress on several pressing issues of our day. My hope is that our ego's are not part of the determination and that the principles of right and good and the best of human instincts will prevail. Our destiny is before us and the good works of those who came before us and struggled to create for us should always be centered in our minds.

It is okay to feel how you feel (#208)

It is okay to feel how you feel but you must examine the feeling and take appropriate actions based upon the best of human principles and intentions with no harm coming to yourself or anyone else. That was a mouthful and a difficult action to have to take. Like all things however, adjustments in behavior and cognition require practice and patience. We are in a new paradigm in how we act and react toward one another. This paradigm requires us to be respectful and courteous as an initial response regardless of how our moods are affecting us at any particular time. How we react to our feelings is the key to being ourselves all the while remaining an integral part of the whole of society. As is the case in any evolution, a period of transition must be understood. To change, takes time, and time inversely ushers in all change. The reasonableness of allowing time in order to establish new means of awareness and proper actions associated with these changes determines the boundaries of our patience. Time continues to move on and progress toward change needs to happen as soon as reasonably possible. Like the song lyric by the Rolling Stones "Time waits for no one..." logically sums up that the quicker we adhere our cognition's and behaviors the quicker we move toward the enlightened society we strive to achieve for our children and our children's children. It is incumbent upon our generation to continue the path toward raising the human experience of existence up to standards we can only now dream about for our offspring.

One step at a time (#207)

Like all things in life for me, one step at a time. I find that keeping to a subject until it is completed is the best policy for me. When I try to do two or more things concurrently I rarely have the insight to manage them with the clarity they deserve. I have long ago rationalized that I am not special enough to be greater in my humanity than anyone else. I am not Superman or that Genius guy, I am just the ordinary fellow who wishes to make the best of the talents I have within my limitations. I might have one quality that stands out among many adequate qualities and that would be my determination to finish what I start. I have a bull-dogged mentality about fruition and it's satisfaction when accomplished. Nose to the wheel with focus on the subject at hand. My best is in the present when I have this approach. It is difficult at times when I have success with many subjects in a row, I find myself becoming emboldened to take on more than one subject at a time. Rarely have I been able to succeed with their accomplishments to my personal standards. The memories of past unfulfilled deeds has been a good and constant check in my life which keeps me from attempting to perform the same disappointing form of denial. I have a peace about me which doesn't answer to any master except itself. I am not what I wish I was, I am what I am, which is pretty cool to me. I like me and appreciate who I am. I don't have any need to be more than myself. Which leads me back to how I approach life, one step at a time.

Trust my gut (#206)

Does love exist? I am here to tell you that in my life it does. Where I feel love is in my gut. I can hardly believe that I am writing on this subject because I never understood before how love feels. The love I felt previously when I had been in relationships was based on attraction and fear. Yes fear. I did not want to lose control or do something to change my comfortable position within a relationship. Fear of losing the relationship became the higher priority once the attraction began to get old. Welcome to what my life was like in the past. Not very appealing. Today, I know that being in a relationship out of attraction and fear will not be enough, duh. I have had the privilege to experience the true meaning of love when I got to feel love in my gut. The kind of love that turns me into jelly when I am around her. I am a hardened man who is ready to defend against any injustice I confront. I am also a man who is mystically transformed into a firm believer of true love. I can't remember how long it has been since I have felt so childish and tongue-twisted when I am in the presence of this one woman. My heart wants to jump through my chest, my ears get hot and worst of all my brain refuses to function. Okay, this is the not so exciting part, but what is exciting is the feeling in my gut that is all joy, happiness, warmth, contentment and love. I know what love is today and I trust my gut when it tells me so.

The preciousness of time (#205)

I was sitting here in my chair at the computer wondering what I was going to blog about today. Then the thought that this being Sunday and my one day off, I am fortunate that I have time to reflect and meditate on the present as it happens in my life. Doing this blog is a ritual that has allowed me to stop my continuous thinking and acting patterns and to focus on the now. It seems that the pre-blogging period is a real asset in my life. I thought immediately that the whole day of Sunday is still ahead of me and I am free to spend my day anyway I feel comfortable doing. Like finish this blog posting then take another in a long series of naps today. lol. The peacefulness of early morning is amazing. I have most of my chores for the day done and I can just be the silly boy I am inside for a few moments and daydream about my life and how it is playing out. I really have control over how I live my life today and that is the key to me being happy and assured in my present and future. I know that the rest of the world is going through unimaginable heartache and pain, but I cannot control that. I can only improve my life and hope to help in some way others to improve their lives as well. Every moment spent on this Earth is a gift of boundless preciousness and the time we use to count it is invaluable. I love who I am today and wish everyone could feel the tremendous anticipation that the present and the future will bring to me.

Pay it forward for good mental health (#204)

This is the conundrum, give something away to get something else. I have found that the act of selflessness actually is a pathway to happiness and self-worth confirmation. Happiness and self-esteem are major components of good mental health. Anytime we are able to attain a sensation of satisfaction through honorable and principled actions we assure ourselves of a delight in living life that is so often sought yet so hard to find. Capitalism is a model for a free market system toward innovation and societal progress however it teaches ambition as it's grail and in doing so leaves compassion and selflessness as very low-level priorities. It becomes incumbent upon all individuals to find within them a way to incorporate selflessness. When this becomes a reality, like it has in my life, a real sense of purpose toward my personal existence enhances greatly. I find that my life makes sense and I have a real destiny in the world. The self-esteem part that I just spoke about is huge for me, knowing that I have value as a citizen of this world moves my mind and creative thoughts to places I had only dreamed about when I was young and full of limitless possibilities. I have recaptured those very same thoughts because I give of myself and of the things I have in order to right wrongs or stop injustices before they occur. An even greater sense of satisfaction comes into play when I remain anonymous about my giving to all but my God. My mental health has never been in a better state than the one it is now.

The fear of responsibility (#203)

This is one subject that had a tremendous influence over me during my early years. I was not sure what my future was to be but I believed it was not meant to be tied down to any one particular thing. That was my greatest fear, that I would have to settle for a present and a future that I was not destined to have. How mystical I was. I can smile about it now but the decisions I made back then have in a large way defined how my life has lived to this point. Upon deeper examination, I find that by me allowing fear to guide my life I have missed out on the joy of initial discoveries and forming my responsibilities into the shape I would desire. My life has always been my life and despite my allowing obstacles to interfere with it, I was always the one who was going to define me. Thankfully, the fear that led me to avoid my early responsibilities only in the most important ways only affected me. Today, my actions are my actions to claim, there is no fear in allowing my life to follow whatever course it takes. I am still a mystical person, lol, but it is not because of some ill-thought sense of destiny or deserve, but because I am so awestruck by the absolute miracle that life is to me. I accept whatever happens as my responsibility today because fate has all of our numbers and when truth and honesty dominate, my reality is chosen and I don't have to fear whatever that manifests itself into being. The distortion of my early years serves as a lesson to me today, that whatever life brings to me I am willing and able to let it be true and accept the truth of it with the joy I feel in just being alive to experience it.

Getting a Mojo thing going (#202)

The Mojo is rising. The intricate balance between humans and nature requires us to understand nature. Nature does not have this obligation in return. We humans must find our balance with our planet and solar system in order to maintain a generally secure present and future. What I refer to as the Mojo is a blend of curiosity, common sense, intelligence and karma. There is one real concept that I find helps me keep my Mojo going and that is being sensitive to all the people, places and things that surround me. My Mojo is a good vibration within my soul and more physically, my gut. My Mojo does something else for me when I am in the sense of it and that is it keeps me happy and generally optimistic about everything within existence. I may seem like some kind of space-child or non-rational person, but I would argue that it is actually the reverse. That not keeping yourself in a Mojo state you are the one missing out on the harmony and balance that bonds us humans with the planet and universe we live in. The symbiotic relationship we share with our environment is best observed and "felt" when we can give ourselves to what is outside of our own self. More clearly, when we respect and give to others things which we could, there is a peace and sense of satisfaction that elevates our awareness to a level of close community with our surroundings. I will be visiting the "Ancient Ones", the Anasazi culture in a few weeks and I am basking in the thought of walking and touching things from these wise and peaceful ancestors. My Mojo is something that I strive particularly hard to maintain and grow in my spirit. May we all feel like our lives and our senses are worthy of being felt throughout the ripple of time in such a harmonic and karmic way. My goal is to keep my Mojo rising.

Another day in paradise (#201)

I hope everyone is enjoying their lives today. Despite all the difficulties we have happen to us the better part is that good things are constantly going on as well. We have a somewhat healthy lives, food shelter, clothing and transportation of some sort. A lot of us even have phone, television, Internet and other miscellaneous entertainment and work tools available to us. We have access to books, magazines, and other print information genre's to help us stay current and informed. Libraries and information centers offer us other access to literature and happenings to help us in determining what we want to do with our time. We are free to travel and communicate what we have on our minds at any particular time. We have friends we can visit with and enjoy companionship with. There are so many things I can enjoy today that I never give a second thought to except for today on this posting to help remind me that I really do have a good and enjoyable life today and I should spend more time living like I do. I also need to spend more time trying to improve on the things in our lives so that all of us have the benefit of right and privilege if we so desire to lay claim to it.

Day two hundred (#200)

Today is my two hundredth straight blog posting since I started on January 31st. Although not quite one everyday. I missed on day 3 and made up for it on day four with two postings. Either way this is still quite an accomplishment for me since I have had to try to keep my postings at a level worthy of someone else actually wanting to read it. I have been able, within a twenty-four hour cycle, to reconstitute my thinking to exhibit a growth of sorts from comfortable thought patterns to objective limited dissections of current events and philosophical points of view. With objectivity being my goal I have been somewhat successful but at other times my own personal code of principled thinking would or should not be everyone Else's standard. I don't advertise my thoughts as some order that must be followed by everyone, I just throw out there my take on a particular subject and hope that my take will be considered amongst others and hopefully help someone else to be able to form their own opinion. My only hope and desire for my blog is that in some one's life I have helped in some small way for them to be able to think for them self. Again I will say this, I don't want to tell you what to think I only wish to help you how to think for yourself. That is the greatest gift any of us can give to society, the ability to think for ourselves. To make our rationales for why we think and do for ourselves. Our individual persons have to be informed through possibilities and logical rationales, however the heart and gut of us often teach us that intuition and caring sometimes supercedes logic. Life is a tough road to navigate, but with effort it can be mostly an enjoyable and rewarding journey.

The fear of rejection (#199)

The fear of rejection. What a powerful negative emotion. It seems that the fear of rejection has a strong influence in how we allow ourselves to react and to be seen as being. As if our guarded measured attempts will somehow reduce the chances that we are rejected for being our normal selves. It may seem that strategies to be less ourselves and more commonly normal reduce the chances of rejection but the evidence in my life only shows that I have forestalled the rejection. Eventually, time catches up with my clever strategies to appear less myself and then the process of rejection again poses it's outcome. I am very tired of wasting my time trying to be something or someone whom I am not and shall continue to be myself with all the vigor I possess. I find it satisfying that I can now oversee the fear of rejection for what it is. A manifest ego-run to be all things to all people. That will never do and rejection by some will naturally occur because of the diversity we exhibit. Fear can only come into play when logic has not been applied to a certain set of circumstances. Being honest and thinking through my life will allow me the ability to live my life to my most normal self. I don't need to conform to combat rejection, I need to embrace my differences and let the present and the future determine itself.

Building my confidence (#198)

I find myself in positions of authority lately and I wonder to myself if I am capable of being proficient at them. It seems to me that life experience is worth a lot when determining my particular qualifications. I sense that I don't see myself with the same respect others do since they keep asking me to take on more responsibilities. I must just do the best I can whenever I can and then let time tell if I am capable or not. Having confidence has always been a detriment to me since I know that I am not nearly perfect and I thought other people were. I have since discovered that we are all about the same and most of us struggle with having the confidence to feel like we are continually capable. So I have lately been working on the assumption that there is no challenge out there that I can't accept as long as I give the respect to the challenge it demands. Everyday I am becoming more of the man who I hope to eventually represent. This struggle to build my confidence is just another step in that process.

The Human Experience (#197)

What amazing adaptable creatures we are. How we have come to survive as long as we have so far is a testament to our struggle to surmount any threat to our existence. The awesome raw nature of our planet and the solar consequences that influence the surface of this Earth, combine to limit the type of species that are capable of surviving within it's environment. Of course, this conclusion is based on human thinking with limited human knowledge as to all things possible. However, With what humanity does know, the ability of our human race to continue is remarkable and should be noted as such. I have only written of the external, tangible difficulties. We as a human race are endowed also with a portion of reason that could well have ended in our self-destruction. It would appear that from an overall perspective our inclination toward peace and harmony is stronger than our impulses toward chaos and destruction. We find ways to cope with the things that would depress us from some unfulfilled, imagined, deserve or right. We adapt, from our emotions, from our desires and from our expectations. We are a hearty lot, with an amazing capacity to survive through any and all attacks to our existence. We are a hearty lot indeed.

Old friends (#196)

I have been on a road trip for the past two days temporarily moving from Sacramento, California to Alamogordo, New Mexico. As I was passing through Albuquerque, New Mexico I was able to spend the night with my brother-in-law, George. I haven't seen George since 1982, just before he got married and moved away. The 27 years that have gone by didn't seem to allow us to stay in touch for whatever reasons. It is somewhat coincidental that the social network of Facebook has allowed us to reconnect and get back into each others lives. The people who are still around who I grew up with share old memories with me that reminds us of happy, sad and different growing instances that helped shape our lives. To me these old friends will always hold a special place in my heart because we cared enough to be friends with each other when making and keeping friends was always precarious. Seeing old friends again also reminds me of how fast time moves and how far along we have come with our lives. I had a great 12 hours with my old friend George, who took the time to have me stay with him. Our long standing friendship has now been reinforced by our willingness to go out of our way to stay in touch.

Grand Canyon (#195)

Wow. The greatest image of raw natural beauty and color is captured in one humongous space that we call the Grand Canyon. Never in any imagination does a picture do justice to the image the actual eye gets see. Wow, I am astounded by the majesty and incredible size our Grand canyon exhibits. Every human being on this Earth should look at this place with their own eyes. I am just speechless and in awe. The event that caused the Grand Canyon to come into being is beyond me. Wow, I will never get tired of saying wow. The colors within the focus of the total canyon is dazzling. The assortment of hues and shades is mind-numbing. I have not seen all the wonders of this world, but I would be surprised if any of the others can have the effect on me that the Grand Canyon does. I am traveling on this day so this posting will be about my absolute astonishment the Grand Canyon displays. I have also been on the road for the last 20 hours or so with very little sleep, so This post will have none of my usual conversation about principles or ideas. Suffice it to say that I am still processing the wonder we call the Grand Canyon.

Trust to Fate (#194)

I know that this venue is becoming less and less popular with folks because of Facebook and twitter and Myspace etc... but regardless I will continue to remain loyal to making a posting everyday. This post helps me clarify my thoughts and form new ideas about how I see the world on a day to day basis. Plus, anyone who cared to, would be able to read between the lines and get a real good idea about how my life is being lived and how I am doing on a consistent basis. Living with the emotions I have within me that I can do nothing about is maddening in a sense. My heart aches for someone but there is nothing more I can do except than to accept or trust my fate to my God. In the past I would have manipulated or alienated in order to get what I needed or wanted. Today, I just know how I feel and expressed it in a way that was genuine and vulnerable. The rest is not for me to intervene in, but to let the forces of time and circumstance dictate their outcome. I often think of an abbreviated quote from Wm. Shakespeare that goes like this "The whirligig of time..." Truly the whirl of time and circumstance with all of us practicing our free-will at the same time will tell the story of what happens only upon looking to the past as the record of it. Fate and destiny are a hope that will produce what they will, not necessarily what I will. I am prepared for reality with the honest conviction that forces beyond me know more about what recorded history will tell than anything I might try to make happen through the force of my will. I know this much though, what has been given to me inside my heart and my guts is not trivial and has a purpose. What that purpose is will be revealed either by me or by someone else. Good luck to us all.

The misconception of perception (#193)

To my detriment, I was raised to view some people and some ideas as lesser than myself. I was acculturated to believe that privilege was a right that came with a way of thinking and by the physical appearance of my genetic code. When I was young and impressionable I was susceptible to prejudicial and biased thinking. Simply because I didn't know any better. Ignorance on my part is and will never be an excuse but it at least explains my naivete toward early learning. Since I am a child of my society however, I have come to realize the fallacious views my early acculturation stood upon. The only privilege anyone is entitled to is not by birth or mindset but by hard work and caring sacrifice. The openness toward learning based on a logical reasoning is what I value and will defend in the onslaught of selfishness and selfishness' expressions. Our society is not perfect, it is designed to enhance equality, liberty and freedom to all of it's citizens. Establishing certain basic fundamental rights at the foundation of our society are being debated and slowly implemented over time. How much of a duty of care do we owe each individual within society? This question will continue to find it's answer as time goes by. In the meantime does the ability of society to provide security and opportunity for those who are successful within society, give a pass or negate their responsibility to improve the same society that benefits them? The morality involved in answering this question is upon each individual. Having a perspective or perception based upon values and facts should give us an answer.

New adventures (#192)

Today, I find myself preparing to begin a new adventure which is going to take me away from most of the things that I am familiar with. I will be leaving behind the way of life I have established for myself these last few years. I have just overhauled my behavior toward a new way of approaching life. I have gotten rid of some relationships that were not on an equal footing and I have added new relationships that are. I don't go to the same type of places anymore or wake and sleep on the same old schedule either. My cognition about how I think has moved on as well. My whole life has been remodeled after one thought. How can I be a better person to everyone else. Since I am about to embark on a new adventure that is going to take me away from my new life here, I must find a way to continue where I am going. I will assess my new surroundings when I get there and see how I might best fit in. I always have the Internet to communicate with my friends here but as always it will not quite be the same. Life presents it's twist to my fate and I am humbled by the opportunities my life brings in front of me. I have free will choice whether to leave or not but discretion in tough economic times largely negate any other choice that is available to me at this time. So with a happy but a little saddened heart I am off to enjoy and make the best of my new adventure.

My most valuable gift is a relationship (#191)

Everything I have acquired over time that is a material item is worthless when compared with my relationships with other people and my creator. All the things money can buy do not measure up to the value I place on my relationships. When I was younger I got caught up in the race to acquire material items and I assumed that they were the priority over everything else. I have since found out that they are cold, unfeeling, inanimate objects whose only pleasure I receive is when I am being selfish and egoistical. When I share them with others in my life there is a sense of good satisfaction but only because someone else is involved. It became obvious to me, even though I am a loner of sorts, that my relationships gave me a greater sense of fulfillment and satisfaction than any object I previously was willing to go to any length to attain. Now my only goal for my life is to improve and add to relationships with life and my concept of my personal creator. A peace has entered my life since I have found the path for me to journey through life. Maybe my maturity from selfishness has opened my eyes to how I see the world today, I am not sure but I am glad that I see life through the eyes of my heart instead of the eyes of my greed for material things.

Truth telling (#190)

Tell the truth and let the present and the future be what it is truly supposed to be. The simple way to live life. No lies, no omissions of truths or lies, just tell the truth and let everything be what it is. When my present slips into the past I want to be able to focus on the present and future not the truth or validity of what my past experience is or is not. I know a man who was a tree logger who used to say that the best way to do anything is to do it right, that way you never have to go back to fix it. The simple life. Our human natures are fundamentally, or in another word, simply good. Trusting to let our natures be revealed to all is difficult because of the survival instinct to not open ourselves to being exposed or vulnerable. Difficulty, no matter in what area of our lives, is an obstacle to be overcome. "What we obtain to cheaply, we esteem to lightly"-Thomas Paine. The inverse of this quote from Mr. Paine is equally true. Overcoming difficulty is such a reward because whenever the struggle is mighty the victory over it is deeply satisfying. I feel a harmony within myself when I am simply honest. This harmony extends to my relationships and to the Planet that I live on. I have found a path worthy of following and it starts by being honest and living honestly.

Trust (#189)

Now this is the subject that I need to work on the most, in order to get it to a level where I won't let doubt work into my life. I need to believe with the trust of the innocent that fairness, justice and gifts from God are truly meant to be. It seems that all my life I have been prone to quitting on something because it didn't happen when I thought it should. Or I misread some clue or circumstance and allowed myself to anguish over it like some character in a dramatic scene. I have to trust and be patient if anything worthwhile in my life is ever going to have a chance to come to fruition. Once again I am reminded that when I start to feel any emotion or gut sensation that is not in tune with happiness and joy then I am not where I need to be. I must recognize, as quickly as possible, that doubt or fear has entered into my thinking and that is not what I believe is what my life should have in it. If I pray and then contemplate on the wishes and desires of my heart instead, I have a better chance of getting back to the, emotional and cognitive, positive thought patterns that I do expect of myself. I am my own worst enemy at times because I still think that I am in control. I am not in control, I am only one part in many parts being experienced and my wishes and hopes aren't the only ones whose destiny is being played out. I shall continue to trust in the things of principled honor and the highest of values associated with human integrity. It is the greatest gift just to be alive.

It is up to me to define myself. (#188)

I am me and who me is, is up to me to present to the world. That first sentence is a mouth full. Not only in how I wrote it but in it's meaning. The hardest part of learning how to be me was to find the courage to let me be me, without worrying how that looked to everyone else. What I found out is that how I look to myself is what I needed to worry about. I am the best judge of who I am and should never let appearances determine how I present myself. That's where the courage part comes in. My life used to be dictated by cliches and norms that my friends and I developed in response to peer pressure and prideful desires. I spent many years trying to live under a set of determinations based upon how I was perceived instead of how I actually was. When those superficial determinations no longer applied to the image I was trying to present myself as, I was left with very little of substance to be judged by. When I think of the movie entitled "Hollow Man" I think of who I had let myself become, a man with very little to offer. When I began to reacquaint myself with who I was inside me without the influences of peer pressure and selfish desires I discovered a gentle soul who truly wishes to see everyone enjoy their lives to the fullest with a calm and a peace I wish for myself. The courage to present myself to the world, regardless of some imagined vulnerability I would display, has been difficult but rewarding. I have found that I am worthy of being who I am with all my heart and soul. I have also discovered the joy and love my heart has been trying to share with me for so very long.

God (#187)

I recently had a chance to talk to a man about how my spirituality was going. I told him that I have accepted the fact that spirituality in my life is a settled issue. I also told him that I was happy and that my internal happiness is ultimately a significant goal for me to achieve. He told me that he was still seeking spirituality and asked me how I came to accept spirituality. What I told him was that I have come to a place in my life where I don't waste time doubting the existence of spirituality of a God or some Creator form. The evidence all around me in life forms and terrestrial observances have settled the issue for me in a way I was never able to conclude before. The miracle of existence and all that is within it hasn't changed so much as I have changed in my evaluation of it. Previously, I would have said that existence is random and could have come about on it's own. I held this position for a long time. What has changed for me is that between the life forms and the terrestrial landscape there is an exquisite observable harmony, which makes it impossible for me to conclude that random or chaotic events could have been infinitely complex enough to have generated, and then nurtured, into a continuing process, the present delicate balance our existence maintains. Then I told him the most basic and fundamental of my reasons to believe in some higher level of order, it feels right in my gut. My gut is the tell all with me. It is where all things come to me in such an emotional way that to pass my gut "test" goes a long way toward me accepting the "test" as true for me. And simply, I am happy. Accepting a God or Creator in the form of spirituality, not like in the normal human dogmatic manner, but in a satisfying one that has given me a happiness that fills my life with goodness.

Vertebrate, Exoskeleton and Mollusk (#186)

Of the three varying life forms that inhabit our planet, invertebrates currently have an advantage to survive in that we are able to leave Earth and possibly inhabit another planet. That is a slight advantage but an advantage nonetheless. All three life forms have shown a remarkable ability to survive varying attacks on their existences. Be it volcanic, earthquake, glacier, land formation, varying temperatures the life force within the three species leads me to consider that an individual internal force is in operation within all three life forms. The vertebrate form has within it's categories, us, the human species. As a human, I know that we have a capacity to reason and theorize out into the possibilities time's future can bring. With this ability we prepare for some of the consequences of the future in order to protect our species. Since I am not of the other life forms I cannot specifically know what their abilities are in preparing for survival but the fact that they do survive and adapt offers some evidence of an ability to survive. Three very hardy species, worthy of respecting each other, regardless of our inner prejudices or conclusions of the other two types of species being lesser. My feelings are that since I cannot create a being of any type, I am not allowed to destroy any beings. I still fall short of this feeling of mine but at the least I am conscious of it and attempt to follow it's karmic sense. Reality and existence are what they are NOT what I want them to be. I am here just enjoying the ride of life with the gratitude I think is worthy of the why, and why not of the happening that is going on while I am alive.

Keeping my heart happy (#185)

I am so glad that I am not in charge of my fate. It would hold no special emotion if I got everything I wanted when I wanted it. What I am truly grateful for is my enduring spirit and sense of right. Whether I ever get the thing I want most in this world is yet to be determined but I will continue to persevere after it with a calm and hopeful attitude. Fate has it's own timing to make something happen or not, and today I wait on that with the hopeful expectation of a man who knows that all things work toward a purpose greater than anything I can imagine. I also know that the desires I have today come from the goodness that rules the universe and my heart and mind are clear to this fact. I no longer think of what I want, I think about the impulse and impetus my wishes seem to carry me through. I also know that strong emotional feelings don't necessarily originate from my mind when they are right they are felt throughout my being with such conviction as to eliminate them from any selfish purpose on my part. Today I was privileged to hear of the struggle out in life that affects us where we live. Just another reminder that we are a part of something that will play itself out no matter who is affected by it. An awesome experience being a part of existence. My responsibility is to know what is happening with me and making that effective to all I come into contact with. When I think of others first, my life gets better and that is what makes my heart happy.

Letting go of the past (#184)

I meet with like-minded people often so that we can share our experiences, strength and hopes with each other. I love this group I am a part of and continue to have things shown to me that lift my mind and spirit. Today was a day for remembering something from my past that I am going to have an opportunity to put action toward. Most all of my life this particular resentment has been at the back of my mind and it is time that I let it go. I will be making a visit to a grave site when I travel to New Mexico later this month. I need to have a conversation with someone who died over 45 years ago. This man was my biological father. He left my mother and four young boys behind when he chose to end his life. His troubles may have been over but he left us with a handful of troubles to deal with because of his actions. After all this time I can finally put to rest the animosity I have buried deep inside me. It's okay today to let the past go because my present and my future is all I wish to experience. My mother and brothers and I have all moved on and become who we are despite the shortcomings we started out with. My heart today is so full of forgiveness that I would be wrong not to find some love for my deceased biological father. (Careful what you wish for because you might just get it) has been going through my mind all morning and I feel like that what I wish for today are things I truly hope will happen for me. Letting go of the past will help me find my way to a present and future worthy of my living in.

Calm before the storm (#183)

The last few days have been very quiet and peaceful for me currently in my bachelor state. My animals, dog and cat, have been very much into their own routines so I am pretty much left to do whatever lazy thing I want. Oftentimes, I hear that boredom is peace and I also agree with that statement. I have been comfortably bored by my standards. I will enjoy this quiet time as exquisitely as I can because the pattern in my life has been extreme. Either quiet and sedate or busy with pressure to achieve. The busy with pressure to achieve is coming up within the next few weeks and I want to be well rested and anxious to start. I will be ready for that after I spend some more time relaxing and having fun with the people I hang out with. This next busy time will take me away from home for a stretch of time and I need to maximize my awareness of everything around me even though I am trying to rest up. My animals will be looked after by my friends and my domicile will not have me in it for many months. I like sleeping in my own bed, there is some comfort in being familiar with my surroundings. It always boils back down to making financial ends meet and I acquiesce to this reality. However, I am sacrificing some things I dearly wish have in my life on a constant basis. I will continue to do what is necessary to maintain my current existence because there is a hope within me that magical moments are still out there for me.

The fear within me (#182)

Life for me is one big bang. I am so funny sometimes. I want something in my life but yet I fear having it in my life. I guess committing to something is not easy to do regardless of how right and good it is. The new and unexpected have a way of making me anxious and a little fearful. One thing I have going for me though is my history with these types of situations. In almost every circumstance, once I had received something into my life I found out that I don't know how I lived or survived without it before I got it. It is that time after I realized a desire and the time before actually getting it that seems to be an anxious time for me. So my point is that growth, in my life, doesn't seem to come naturally. Despite this awareness about myself, I am still able to push past any lingering doubts about a desire because deep down in my heart and soul my desire is greater and has a completely good motive. Courage to continue to grasp for the right in my life is not as simple as recognizing right it is also defeating the doubts I have about my own sense recognition. Usually the doubts are ridiculous and easily categorized as such, but other times the doubt can be deceiving and complex. At these times I search my heart for the emotion and the need to be fulfilled in my life and that in itself will show me whether or not the doubts are real or fear based. I am my own meter on these things in my life but I also talk to others if only to hear the conviction in my voice and ring of the truth of the words I say. The only service I give to doubt in my life is that it makes me dig deep within myself to validate what I am desiring for me and others in my life.

My life is where my heart is (#181)

I am so glad to finally recognize that it is alright for me to be who I am. I am free to express my informed opinion in a humbled way and also to act on my principles in a continuing constructive way. I am now living through the goodness of my heart. Most of my thoughts are now viewed through that prism. I used to see whatever my mood would allow me when it lined up with whatever benefited me the most. I don't like who I was years ago, but I have not stayed who I was either. We all get to grow and move on in our existences at the pace necessary for us to find true peace in our lives. The key to the change in me has been the courage to accept that my expression of me is as worthy as any expression out there that I can compare me with. I used to feel inferior and needy of smarter counsel and guidance. Those days are behind me. I know now that all life is a gift no matter how we, as humans, evaluate each other. We are all equally important and capable of contributing in our own special ways. Where I have found the solace and peace in my life is within my heart. I truly care about our species as well as all other species, but especially the human race. My heart, which is where my best emotions are residing, dictates the actions I need to make concerning most every subject I am in contact with. I embrace the fact that my heart truly filters how I feel about the mundane and extra special moments of my life. My heart is what makes me who and what I am period. I am very happy for this knowledge I have of myself.

The best of ourselves (#180)

The day when everyone can recognize the utter wastefulness of selfishness is the day when we, as a society, will have advanced from the animalistic tendencies of our genesis to a higher evolution of our potential. We have so much more to evolve toward, being stuck within the confines of, as Hobbes would put it"...nasty and brutish..." stage, our current paradigm. I refuse to hear the echoes of the past that believe well enough is good enough. Justice demands that we, as a society of thinking, rational human beings, continue to search and implement processes that grow from our our general foundation of belief in goodness. If I ever catch myself believing that we have become all that we can be I will no doubt have fallen prey to a lesser human that I aspire to be and the shame of that will be all mine. When I lose the courage to confront ideas that would destroy the concept of humanity that I believe to be the true humanity of all humans, that being compassion and curiosity with the will to survive, will be the day I pray to God to forgive me of my sin of knowingly being a coward instead of the strong defender of life that I hope I will always remain until I die. My sentinel vigilance is my inner strength in protecting life from selfishness as a way of life and it's abhorrent odor of greed. Ambition is admirable, but ambitions' actions must seek to find a way of expression that holds to principles of honor and inclusion for the purpose of betterment not self-indulgence. We must never again go back to the days where we view ourselves as lesser or greater than we are. We are different and unique to all of existence. That is the beauty of the human race. We are all magnificent and humble all at the same time.

Responsibility for our growth (#179)

We must each take responsibility for our own personal growth. When we set out from our parents on our own we must start the process of accepting responsibility for our actions and the circumstances that affect us. We are, at the point of adulthood, the caretakers of our own lives. It is an awesome responsibility and must be undertaken with careful evaluation of how we wish our lives to be expressed. The reality of society is as a function of security and liberty. Society's purpose is to allow us to live full lives through age and opportunities. When we take stock of our hopes and wishes and apply them through the boundaries of society we have the chance to find rewarding and satisfying moments that when added up at the end of our lives prove to be the most precious moments of our lives. Material wealth can have an appeal to most people in that it takes from our lives the economic uncertainty that most of us experience. However, as a goal for life, wealth is just a component of a much larger event. That being the participation in our and other's lives which satisfies a deeper desire to be accepted by our fellow humans. To be connected to other humans in a positively principled way allows us the emotional outlet wealth has no jurisdiction over. Our own personal growth is achieved in a grand way when we start by being influenced by virtuous principles and grow into the virtuous principles day by day until they become who we are.

True and consistent (#178)

I am thinking of a particular instance in my life that reminds me that, to be true to myself and consistent about it, I must never lose hope in that area. Doubt has it's ability to permeate me from many angles and does so in the form of failure and victory. Doubt is like air, it is everywhere all at once. To combat doubt, I must realize what I feel and know about me in all things that I do. If what I feel and know is true about me, then time will be the arbiter of those facts. They will be exposed to the world through my actions and statements. If I wear my reality with a comfort that fits with natural ease, then I know who I am is as true to what I feel as I can know. The overwhelming sense from different sources have at times attempted to influence how I see my world, this is where doubt can have it's greatest influence. I must never relinquish my right to be me. Sometimes the easier way to letting go of my passion for something or someone is to trade it for an alternative reality. In other words give up my desire for a different one. I have done this in the past when I did not stand for a principled life. Those days of bending to someone else's will are over for me. If I must suffer the indignity of my reality in the eyes of others so be it. I must always remain true and consistent to who and what I am.

No negative thoughts (#177)

I can imagine my world, with what is left with my time here in existence, having never to think a negative thought again. I know that right now I am unable to achieve this but I see how I can. Sometimes I forget how wonderful life is and when it is not, I find myself resenting the part that isn't wonderful. What I must always continue to remember is that life is actually very hard and the wonderful times are a gift. I am fortunate to be alive and in a position to have some control over my destiny. Most humans don't have this good fortune. My perspective must remain on the notion that there are no guarantees, no deserves, no hopes or wishes that I can command into being. I have found that I am a happy person down in my soul where my core of life is. From this happy place I can achieve my goal to never think a negative thought. Now, I know that I can't control my thoughts as they come and go without me having time to dis-formulate them before they formulate. I know this, yet I believe that through the practice and diligence of stopping any negative thought as soon as I recognize it, that eventually negative thoughts will begin to fade from my old pattern of thinking. A new pattern of thinking will hopefully emerge, with no room for looking at what's wrong or what's counterproductive, and dominate my mental landscape with thoughts that see what's right and focus on what can make those right thoughts even better where possible. The force of my will is behind this idea. I know that I am human and cannot sustain much momentum solely on force of will but, with effort to attempt to, I can go as far as my mental toughness will allow me, one day at a time.

What the day will bring (#176)

I never can say for sure what my day will be like since I have made myself available to others when they might need me. I have not always been available to people. In the past I was content to spend my time away from others instead of involving myself in their lives. Today is different, because I understand how important human interaction is in keeping me balanced and with a better perspective on life in general. Part of who I am is to be involved with others. I have found that out by trying to do the opposite and nearly ruining my present and future. I am at my best when I am available to speak and listen when conversation is directed at me and from me. I know I need to be in the mix of human exchange as necessarily as I need air to breathe. I am happy to have reconciled within myself the basic notion that being a participant of human exchange is fulfilling and rewarding. At times I still need time for myself to recharge and to reflect on those things which need my personal attention. But, when I can be available to be a positive influence in some-one's life then I am so appreciative to have that opportunity. It not only allows me to do something for someone else but the feeling I get is a value that I can never put a price to. My nature is being fulfilled when I am exhibiting the traits of higher and highest human traits through action.

Just another day today (#175)

I am pleased to be involved in just another day in my life. Starting my day with the same recognition that it is a gift to be alive has been a revelation to how my life has become. Three years ago today I quit drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. It is both embarrassing and a source of pride all rolled together. Embarrassing in that it took me up to age fifty to finally put down the harmful compounds of tobacco and alcohol. A sense of accomplishment in that at the age of fifty I was able to put down the compounds of tobacco and alcohol. A dual realization of my frailty and strength all rolled up together. Perhaps it is as it should be, life in it's complexity has few non-interconnected singular outcomes. The two-sided coin of my three year abstinence will be acknowledged tomorrow at a special meeting designed for those of us who daily fight the good fight to stay in a sober state of mind. Coincidentally, the marking of my anniversary's passage will be commemorated with a three-year coin. We measure time in order to facilitate comparative schedules. Time allows us to pause and reflect at given intervals and this, today, is one for me. Although time does signify milestones, the continuation of my behavior and cognition that has evolved over the last three years, it is also constantly moving forward in much the same manner that my new way of life is and with my greatest hope will continue to do. Thank you all who have been a part of my discovering a far superior way of life.

The hold of the ego (#174)

The ego is transformed from our minds into action through events which would belittle us. When I am put under stress by events, I naturally attempt to protect myself or control something or someone else. My ego is the lingering effect of my thinking that I have the answer to a problem. At times, my mind tries to tell me that I am in control or should be in order to justify that I have worthiness. The lack of confidence within myself makes it sometimes necessary to forward my thought as the only possible solution to a problem. If I fail to seize the mantel of control then it signifies, in my mind, that I am insignificant and a failure as the type of person I wish to be recognized as. My ego has gotten me into so many situations where I have had to apologize or deny fault. My problem with my ego stems from the idea that what anyone thinks about me should be controlled by me. Instead of enjoying life and it's pleasures I had tended to manipulate the outcome and felt nothing but the stress of doing that. There are still times when I catch myself allowing my ego to dictate my actions when I am under stress or pressure from other forces. It is at these times that I find other ways of looking at my life and force myself to smile and tell myself that this is just another day in my life that is complicated but eventually workable with time. The abolition of my ego isn't what I want to accomplish, however keeping my ego tightly checked in it's place is what I wish to always be aware of doing.

Personal relationships (#173)

I was in a Denny's restaurant in San Jose this morning when a couple came in waiting to be seated. From the booth I was sitting in I had a direct sight line on them and could not help but notice that after just a little bit they began to embrace and smooch. Normally an embrace and smooch in public like this was is over within a couple of moments, however this embrace and smooch lasted about five minutes and was performed with such vigor that I was somewhat mesmerized by their affection for each other. A young-and-in-love kind of display. I was transfixed by their actions into memories of myself when I knew the strong emotion of love and was loved back with the same ferocity I was feeling. I so admire the cocoon of love between two people. I don't have that right now but I wish I did. Finding that kind of attraction for someone is an ultimate hope worthy of my constantly being on the look-out for. Very few things in life raise my emotions to a level of extreme joy like sharing love with someone. It is such an odd dilemma for me in finding someone who would have the inner desire that would match mine. Is it just luck in finding the right person? Has fate already decreed it's solution? I can only keep my hopes up and continue to believe that someone is still out there who is my true soul-mate. What a great event that will be when I can display the same type of embrace that I saw in the restaurant this morning.

Survival to progress (#172)

This one concept has been the descriptive element in keeping humanity in existence. I have not written much on the concept except to say that it, along with compassion and curiosity, is the fundamental trait that drives humanity at it's core being. The need to survive is overwhelming. It is as powerful as any natural force experienced within existence to date. In my own life the examples of it are many. Most common of it's apparitions are through the emotion of fear. Being afraid to die can make me want to abandon all that I hold dear in order to survive. When Patrick Henry was quoted as saying "Give me liberty or give me death." He transcended the normal reaction of fear of death by the conviction that tyrannical rule was worse than death. The nobility of a conscious decision to sacrifice one's life in order to advance a cause or societal change goes to the principled idealism we as a species have begun to inculcate into our civilized progression. The survival of oneself and of the human species as a whole is ingrained and natural. We struggle to birth, we struggle for resources to survive, we struggle against those who would take our lives through force. The diametric of our struggle to survive with our insistence to give our lives for a principled stance is the natural osmosis of our animal bodies melding with our maturing civilized conclusions. Survival, with compassion and curiosity, is the key for all of us to continue toward bettering our futures and our next generation's futures.

Don't be afraid to think for yourself. (#171)

When I was young I was lead to believe that I needed others to think for me. For others to create their opinion for me as mine. Subjects were just to complicated and I needed the benefit of their knowledge so that I could have the best or right opinion. As I have gotten older I have slowly come to realize that others' opinions were just that, their opinion, not mine. I realized that I was not as under-informed about ideas and issues as I was lead to believe. There is some fear also in presenting my own opinion since being critiqued can be a real bummer. So, in order to protect myself I could always use the disclaimer that the opinions I expressed were held by eminent scholars or politicians of unquestionable thoroughness of thought. What a big load of hooey. Whether I am acceptable or not in my own opinions is moot, the only thing that matters is that I honestly try to consider my principles and understandings and stand behind them. I am also obligated to change my opinions when different facts previously unconsidered enter into the discussion. I am flexible when I see the error in any judgement I have held regardless if it means I must admit that I made an incorrect judgement. In fact, I will always make some incorrect judgement solely by the fact that I am human and errors are a way of life for all of us by our very natures. Today, I refuse to be told what to think, I am always open to being taught how to think for myself.

Another beautiful day on the planet (#170)

I was in Southern California recently and was privileged to drive through the wind farm outside Palm Springs. Wow, what a marvel of man-made creation. While I was driving, I was enjoying the majesty of nature before I came upon the wind farm, then to have the sight of it within the panorama of nature was humbling. I am so honored to live on a planet that is so vast and full of sensory splendor. The addition of human architecture in some ways has added to the beauty and awesomeness nature has already supplied. To give an example of the scope of the wind farm outside Palm Springs, I use the wind farm at Altamont Pass. Altamont Pass has an impressive electricity gathering wind farm but is not half the wind farm at Palm Springs. Our future is upon us when I physically see these erected feats of human engineering. The promise of humanity's future is witnessed by these structures which are not monuments to some political/theological ideal but are purposed to harness the magnificent powers of our incredible planet. The tangible benefits from wind are being realized on a scale that can become substantial contributors to the energy needs for a society moving into the ever expanding paradigms of technology and scientific evolution. This planet of ours is unique in that it offers us life and a means to create and generate a destiny that is both intelligent and humanitarian. What a marvelous existence I feel today on our beautiful planet.

The inspiration of benevolence (#169)

Why do some people care about the welfare of others with no obvious reason? What is their motivation? Isn't there some purpose to their actions? I am finding that indeed there is a motive for being more selfless than selfish. It is an emotional/sensory one. The human trait of compassion toward each human is nurtured through any process that enables any of us toward betterment of each of our futures. We must find ways to correct injustice from our present society and being benevolent is a way to build toward a pattern of positive action and good feeling. Not all will accept a hand for help without manipulating or abusing the gesture, but that should never deter an overall effort for continuing positive action to benefit others in ways that would not be available without our individual help. The structure of all societies since recorded history have all fallen short of the ideal of full and complete egalitarian processes. The very nature of all societies so far have been unable to keep class distinctions from happening. We seem to find ways to separate ourselves from some of us and not from others of us. Nothing in history has found a way to keep class distinctions from evolving. The mindset that allows us to distinguish one person from another must be reinvented toward a more correct evaluation. We are all special and have something to offer to each other in forms that need the respect and understanding of a society that has eliminated the ills of elitism and other prejudicial thoughts born from selfish desires. As great as the potential for humanity to be a beacon of what a life-force can be, we still have many huge leaps in social thought and behavior to attain and being aware of this is the first step toward our eventual benevolent existence.

The importance of education (#168)

So many times I have found myself in conversation with a younger person who is attentive to my opinion or outlook on a variety of subjects. I consider this to be an honor to communicate my limited knowledge when it is called upon. I am also reminded that my own continuing education is required and necessary if I wish to offer any worthwhile perspective. It is vital that I show respect to those I communicate with by being objective and open about the subject matter that is being discussed at the time. For my part, passing on the knowledge I have filtered through my lifetime, is just one more viewpoint to be judged against many others. That is what I hope to do all of the rest of my life. My legacy will be my individual perspective on the subjects that I offer to others. I have as my greatest wish, my most desired hope for the future, the continued growth of the human species into an example of animal and intellect combining to master those inherent problems of human self. To create a universe rich in principles of individual expression marked by honor, justice, love and equality defined by individual opportunity for all on an equal basis. All of the space that now confines us will eventually become the initial boundary-, [a discussion of (initial boundary) and my meaning for this idea will be discussed in a future posting] -humanity will be limited to and inhabited by. As our abilities grow toward that end we must persevere to fill in our knowledge constantly and with humility so that life in the future will have the opportunity to grow further into an egalitarian/principled society. What I discuss with others now hopefully will be the next link that they discuss with there younger generation and so on and so on.

A short long journey (#167)

Today I will write about the work schedule I have for the next few days. I will be traveling and working down from Sacramento to Fresno, Ontario then Palm Springs then possibly back to Fresno then home to Sacramento, tentatively. I am grateful for the opportunity to earn some money in an economy in California whose unemployment rate is hovering around 12% at this time. For those of you who don't know how old I am, I will be 54 next month on the 20th. The reason I mention this is that I have learned enough knowledge and have added experience in doing some construction work, but mostly supervisory of construction work, to allow me to go to cities where calculations of construction work is needed. My limited ability is considered valuable enough for me to maintain frequent enough opportunities to maintain a simple lifestyle for me and my two animals. My brother-in-law Hart is going with me on this trip to help with the tasks at hand and I appreciate his help and company. We should accomplish our tasks within 48 hours. That means we will be on the road for most of the time just traveling between the cities we need to visit. I will have my computer on since I have an electrical adapter for the truck and an air card for internet connections. I plan on enjoying this trip and doing excellent work when I do anything that needs my constructive attention. This is one of the most different type of posting I have made on my blog since I started it back on January 31st. But then again I need to change up my writings occasionally in order to get a sense of where I am at with my blog and where I want to continue to go with it. Thanks for the few of you who actually read my musings. I will have another installment of my road trip tomorrow at some point, so until then fare thee well and all that goes with that.

It is alright to be a human being (#166)

No more pretending, that's a hard one, no more putting on "airs", put the daily masks away, it is time to just be. Yes, just be, a human that is. Not something you or everyone else wants to project as human. Natural instincts, with control, and no expectations, should be how we start our days. Take whatever comes our way and premeditate what organized pattern we must follow to support our daily responsibilities. Life is an experiment of some proportion, what that is I don't know but, what I do know is that it is still just a natural occurrence. That may change sometime in the future but, until then, nature in it's existent form should be my guide. Nobody has a playbook for life, condescension from others is their character flaw not anyone else's natural disadvantage. The stigma we like to place on each other, in order to gain some type of advantage over one another, is to be pointed out and corrected in a principled manner. No one has any advantage over another when it comes to expressing their life to others' existence. The days of slavery and bondage should never again be allowed. Neither should oppression and manipulation by ourselves against ourselves. We are all unique and worthy of individual expression. Our societies should express this sentimental truth. We need to continue a determined effort to change philosophies, out-dated cultural norms and legal prohibitions against the natural right to individually be our honorable, principled human being selves.

My own expectations for me (#165)

Life is just so complex sometimes. Have you recently had someone disappointed in your behavior when it didn't line up with what they expected of you? The perceived animosity that injects itself is unsettling. I don't hesitate to ask for advice when I feel I cannot see through my own confused outlook. I believe it is appropriate to confer with others when no clear plan of action is foreseeable. It is when unsolicited advice from acquaintances or well meaning friends comes into the equation that I begin to sense trouble on the horizon. I am well used to close family members offering advice in a regular way and I am not at all surprised by it. More what I am referring to is less than family members using their personal experiences as the best way for solutions to my problems. I have a sense of dignity and respect I gift to all those who I meet. I start out on the high-road of principled acquaintance. From there, they then must relate back to me in some similar way that honors my dignity and respect. Most people appreciate this approach to friendship or community, however some others take it as a sign that my high opening opinion of them is a need on my part for them to interject their opinions about most things into my life. When this happens it always leaves me in an awkward way as to how to correct the wrong impression they have without offending them. Each situation is different and requires a personal attention to it's uniqueness. I don't wish to conflict with what some others may wish to do, so I move on with the knowledge that we are all at different places in our understandings and that I must continue to advance my own expectations for myself.

It's alright to be tired (#164)

When I awoke this morning I was so tired I just wanted to stop and go back to sleep. This does not happen to me very often. When I was young I was always wanting to sleep longer but since I've become an adult, I normally feel refreshed when I wake up. I know that, at times, my body just needs to recharge with extra sleep. I'm not lazy but just given to human physical/mental demands that eventually make me more tired than normal. When I looked at myself in the mirror this morning I knew I was in for a long day. My face was just hanging there off the front of my head. I had to stare hard into the mirror and remind myself to smile. When I had seen the smile form and then appear from the reflection in the mirror, I knew I was going to be fine. My little apartment animals have their routine and they cannot be ignored so there is no shirking my responsibilities to them so up I must be. I will go to sleep earlier tonight in order to put some extra sleep time in, since being fresh of mind and spirit is what I wish to be. I figured out long ago that I am not a machine that can go on and on, but rather I am given to spurts and starts which my body is very efficient at reminding me. This is just another opportunity for me to apply the basic principles of positive human traits. If I can be a good to great example of humanity when I am tired and less than at my best wits then I am content in that I am still becoming the man I wish to present to the world as me. Life, nature, destiny all control the course of my future path and the limited physical functions I have available equal the hard that I get to overcome by maintaining my relentless belief in the worthiness of this existential experiment.

The truth within us. (#163)

Every one of us has the truth deep down inside us. A place where I seldom go unless some stark occurrence lands me there. This place is where my heart finds all the answers to my questions whether good answers or not. For me this is the place that I call home. All the truth I know and feelings I have are at this place. There is a comfort and sanctity at this place I call the home of me and it is enveloped and permeated with purity. No falsehood or lie can exist here nor any ill will. This is the place that defines who I am, that guides my being toward a correct direction. All the things I believe are good and right exist within me in this place I call my home. I spend some time thinking about things and reacting to things without so much as a thought to how I feel deep down inside of me about them. I catch myself on cruise control at times and it bothers me that I can be so cavalier about what I am doing in my life without practicing due diligence to my thoughts and feelings. My home place where all the goodness and compassion of me lives is what I absolutely need if I am to exist the way I know is the best of who I am. Again I say, life is too short to be doing anything other than trying to be the best person I can be all the time. It is OK to fail as long as I try, to the best of my ability, and never quit trying. Deep down inside of me is the answer to all things that matter and I hope to spend more time knowing the truth within me.

Thoughts, words and actions together (#162)

Unfortunately there are too many examples of hypocrisy in our society that have left a lot of us with a very cynical mindset. The examples are abundant enough for me to feel a need to express an opinion about this trait of, less than desirable, human miscalculation. Our life spans are relatively short in the overall history of existence as we know it. Therefore, it is essential that we consistently and vigilantly practice principled thought and voice with performance. The emotional and chemical make-up of the human life is complicated because of the animal instinct that established our ability to survive. It is the animal instinct now that is being brought under control to allow us to conform to society. The animal instinct is impulsive and desire driven. It, when unchecked, will eventually overcome common sense and moral/ethical/judicial principles to satisfy it's immediate desire. This then is our dilemma, how do we check or block our natural instincts to allow us to become or evolve into a civilized persona instead of a mix of civilized and animal driven persona? Our only hope that can have personal control is to discipline our thoughts and behavior toward guiding principles of virtue, honor, courage, sacrifice etc... When the urge to action strikes us and it is against our principles we must pause and reflect on what is more important, what we say and then don't do or what we say and then follow through with in our actions. No momentary satisfaction is worth the cost of a lifetime of guilt and lost trust. Our thoughts, words and actions must be in union with each other to provide the better and best of examples for all the human race.

My smile is back (#161)

No more tough guy looks. No more glazed over stares. I don't have to be confused about how I present myself to everyone. I have found my smile again. All of us are the same in that we want to be accepted for who we are. My smile is reflective of how I feel about being alive every day. I was talking to my mother yesterday about how in my life there are no potatoes, just gravy. Every day that I am alive is a gift. I know this since I had been spending a lot of my past treating my life like it was a burden. How arrogant I was, I could not understand that the miracle of my life was beyond any creation on my part. I have, since then, concluded that the unconditional ability I have to experience reality in this dimension is special. Which sequay's to how I found my smile again. The inner turmoil over comprehending my existence has found it's conclusion. That being, that it does not matter whether I comprehend my existence, the only thing that matters is that I experience my existence with honor and respect. Through honor and respect I can live with the care and wonder about the world which just naturally brings out my smile. I don't have to find a way to fit into the world, I already fit into the world. I accept myself for the human that I am and just try to live within my nature and principles. Actually, it is pretty easy. I don't know how I got off track but being back on track has connected me with my smile again.

A dawning of a new era (#160)

Do you sense this like I do? I feel so optimistic about the future of humanity. It is like we are all starting to realize that the old paradigms of maternalism/paternalism have run their course. We, as individuals are starting to claim our own ideas and sense of right and wrong with an eye toward pragmatism and hopeful expectation. The life force of every individual is sacred and should never be sacrificed for motives ulterior to standing to correct extreme or mortal harm. The standards of society that have elevated us to this point were commendable for their time but a new era is upon us. We MUST now integrate all individuals into a system that benefits the egalitarian ideal in its pure form. What this will be remains a mystery for now but an eye toward it's succession cannot again blink as to it's formation. The system must have some basic components such as an air of spirited happiness, sacrificing with pleasure and an inclusion that spans the scope of all know barriers. We as the human species must take the next step in the social order that elevates us to the higher and highest principles that we honor. It is at that time we all will feel our connectedness and value to each other. The sweep of this era will have the effect of burgeoning a model for living that will continue in it's variety and individuality, yet also expand upon our creative and energetic characteristics as a whole. The universe is unlimited to us now and so is the curiosity, compassion and will to survive that makes us the most unique known force in existence. Our destinies are here upon us now, can't you feel it?

There are no shortcuts in life (#159)

I can't tell you how many times I have tried to find an easier way of doing things. I don't know what was in me that drove me to thinking and acting on the impulse to get things done quicker or easier. Probably the egotistical part of me that told me I was better than everyone else therefore I should and could do things in a more enlightened way. Well my ego has been duly placed back in it's shell where it belongs not to see the light of day for what I hope is the rest of my lifetime. It has been my experience that doing things in the correct order applying any adjustments necessary through the process gets me to completion faster and more efficiently than any shortcut I ever remember trying. This lesson I learned the hard way, through my own personal experience, not using shortcuts is now the way I attempt to practice achievement in all facets of my life. Shortcuts are for extreme emergencies when applicable, or toward working out a long term solution to fluid processes with trial and error and for the foolish. Extreme emergencies rely on fast acting and quickly getting to a result, shortcuts may be necessary. Trial and error for the betterment of ergonomics or new improved ideas over the long run prove positive worthiness. Foolishness is just what it is, foolishness. Shortcuts to get a desired result, less critical emergency or long term improvement, are choices of less than honorable intent. Specifically, I am referring to the mindset that drives us to somehow cheat to accomplish the same thing that others appropriately achieve through doing things the correct way.

Stay in the light (#158)

I find that the light is where I can feel the most at home with myself. When I am in the dark, I feel more alone. The light is where I can see what is going on around me. Light gives me a sense of adventure. I want to exercise my curiosity and discover what is going on in life. Knowing that I prefer the light also sums up my thoughts when less than positive feelings or memories try to invade my present consciousness. The glass is half full with me not half empty. I have found out that anytime a less than positive thought enters my mind I can just push it right back out because I don't want to dwell on anything that takes away from my peace. There are exceptions to this however and life-threatening and harm stopping are most of them. I will not live in a world with my head in the sand nor will I live in a world that thrives on creating chaos for the sake of chaos. I am human and as such, I am also given to frailty and doubt. I don't have to nurture these human failings, I can conquer them by dismissing their attempts to invade my peaceful mindset. What I do is bring to my mind happy thoughts, good thoughts, thoughts that give me inspiration. I control what I think about, I also control how I think about them. I am not forced to be in a particular mood, I get to choose. Optimism is a way of life. I choose to employ it's values and principles as a working, functioning force in what I think and how I react to those thoughts. Today, I am always attempting to look for the light and surround myself in it.

Let love into your lives (#157)

This is my opinion only but I feel very strongly about it. We should all try to find someone we can share love with. I know it is hard to find the right person and we may never do that. The effort to continue to look for love however is important. The chances always increase for finding love when we are ready to recognize it when it appears and our own sense of love is experienced while we are searching for someone to share it with. I place such high importance on love within our lives because no other emotion exists that can stir such sensations of joy like love. I have begun to understand that feeling the sensation of love is the greatest achievement of the human experience. Love, when found and shared, overlaps into every facet of our lives. It gives us a sense of worthiness and hope for the future. Our sense of belonging feels justified and complete. I could go on and on about the brightness of spirit that sharing love brings to us, but finding and allowing love to be apart of our lives must come first. There isn't always another tomorrow, fate and destiny will have their way regardless of our different opinions. To procrastinate on love or to put off finding love until a later time is not worth the risk of losing love or missing out on love. Love is the greatest experience of my life and is the one true emotion that makes life the unique miracle available to us all.

My happiness was inside my hope (#156)

I am content in that I am able to make friends easily and enter into their lives with such ease. I know how guarded I was about strangers I met, but somehow, things are different now. There is a particular reason for my feeling this way and it has to do with the a general consciousness that exists in my life. I am sure I am not the only one who has a fresh outlook on life, but I can only speak personally about my own. Initially the first inkling came about because of the way we cast our ballots last year in the Presidential election. Somehow a sense of hope was within me not since the days of John F. Kennedy. I was very young but aware of the impact he had on my parents. Then later the significance of his brother Robert and a civil rights leader named Martin. All of that climaxed by successfully landing on the Moon. Forty years and more ago I had this same kind of hopeful, enthusiastic feeling about the good chances our country was on the verge of creating and the great opportunities for all humans to join into and emulate. I have the same feelings now which make it so easy for me to want to make new friends and share with them in this hope I feel. I know how things can be difficult to believe in since so many times before hopes have been dashed by the insane and unfortunate. Regardless of the negative, I am content in that I can continue to make a difference whether others can or will to. I am so happy that I have found my happiness. It was locked away inside the hope I haven't felt for four decades.

A special day today (#155)

The fourth of July commemorates an ideal. The right of people to participate in the formation and function of their government. The ways of strongman rule, monarchies, oligarchies and theocracies don't have validity as means of rule in our American society. This is the great strength of America and it's most precious gift to the world. Recently we have seen the type of governments that don't measure up to our standard of governance. North Korea and it's despotic rule which manipulates and exploits it's citizens for the pleasure of a few. Iran where the people are fed a lie, that they have a choice in choosing their President, when the only candidates who can run for President must first be approved by the Supreme Ayatollah. America's form of Democracy is clearly the best system for allowing freedom and liberty to flourish collectively and individually for it's citizens. We celebrate our independence from Great Britain 233 years ago specifically, but generally we celebrate our independence as a reminder to the world that our government allows us to prosper and innovate our lives and can be an example to the rest of the world to join in our practice of honoring it's citizens with a means to pursue happiness. I offer America's hand out to all the world to join in the American experiment and enjoy the fruits of equality and friendship.

Just making myself available (#154)

It is so natural for me to think about what is or isn't going on in my life. Most people would probably assume that their own self should be their main concern. To a degree that would be true as far as keeping oneself alive and healthy is concerned. Beyond that though I start to move away from thinking of myself, toward thinking of others who would appreciate me doing something for them. It is in this simple switch of my focus that I find a peaceful feeling that takes me away from my constant worry of myself. It is somewhat an oxymoron, that in thinking and doing for someone else, that I am actually doing just exactly what I am supposed to be doing for myself. The old saying that good things happen to those who do good, rings with a truth I am finding more often than not. There is also a feeling that overcomes me of such content that life is again very clearly visible to me. Like being a child again and seeing the world through the fresh hopeful eyes of a boy who knows no bounds as to what life could be like. To me, I have found a metaphorical fountain of youth, a way to experience joy and hopefulness in such a completely satisfying manner. The universe is such a vast and complex existence, but I believe I have unlocked a bit of it's mystery when I help or make myself available to another soul when they are in need of me. What a sense of a human actually being, human. Everything we do on Earth in order to live together is busy work, toward maintaining a secure and ordered life, but expressing care and showing action toward care is the emotional lift that makes the life experience worth every second of living.

Never quit and keep going (#153)

I found out recently that an old acquaintance and friend had died by his own hand. These last few years had been a real strain on him and he began acting strangely to his family and friends. I don't know the extent of the troubles he was living with but I do know that he forced most of us away because of them. It is moments like this when I am told someone has given up and committed suicide that I feel selfish. I wonder why it is I was able to push through when I considered suicide and chose not to quit on life and he did. It has been my opinion that there are two human traits we are all born to have in our lives continually, compassion and curiosity. However there is one more non-quantifiable instinct that I could not fit into the compartments of caring and wondering, and that would be the instinct to survive. As humans we are born with the instinct to survive since it identifies our will just to move beyond the birthing process. The degree with which we apply our survival instinct within our own lives has variance however. Some have great survival instincts and endure to live through the most depressing and traumatic experiences imaginable. While others would quit on life as if hope could never exist for them. Survival of our individual self is unique to all of us, but the will to survive within all of us is different. I would hope that survival of each of ourselves could be strengthened through being educated that our existence is a gift that should never be given away without an all out fight to keep it.

To figure it all out (#152)

I have not figured it all out and I will never do so in my lifetime. I have figured out how to live my life to the satisfaction of myself. I am easy to satisfy and maybe that makes what I know very simple and overstated. That is exactly where the truth lies for me however, in the simple and overstated. Simple, because awareness to my surrounding environment is a gift from some unknown force that has brought me into it. Overstated, because all those things that have consistently been stated to me over and over again relate to the high principles of honor, justice, goodness, etc.... Having spent the majority of my life looking beyond these two paradigms I have come to understand that when the hard work of accepting them as truth and putting them to action is when a sense of fulfillment caresses my soul. The expectancy of a higher forceful power and an aggressive protection and practice of the best that the principles of enlightened peaceful beings would theoretically exhibit, I have found a lifelong endeavor to apply to my hopes and actions. These two convergent ideals keep me at peace and constantly aware of attempting to employ their virtues such that I am bone weary from the attempt to hold them in a moment to moment reality. I am such a happy tired man. When I ache and hurt in just maintaining my ideals, a feeling of powerful accomplishment settles within me making any perceived sacrifice on my part more like a privileged duty that has been fulfilled.

The internet and it's connections (#151)

Never have I experienced the internet being so slow now that I am in a hotel in Fremont. I have been spoiled by the wonderful service I receive in Citrus Heights. It is interesting to gauge my level of acceptance toward the possible frustration that I could be exhibiting. I was talking to my mother about it and I was pleased that I have found a way to understand that it isn't about me but about the location. My sense that I am just in the wrong area for good or decent internet service seems to mollify my emotions. That is good that I look for logic to describe my reality on a very personal level. Believe me, my internet connections have become addictive and necessary to me in a slightly pathetic way. I should be more outgoing in person, however I find that the internet offers such a convenient way to associate in minor or superficial ways. I appreciate the economy of conversation with others without having to travel distances that require resources and time. I find that more serious or important conversations need to take place face to face. It is the everyday exchange of pleasantries and compliments that are so compelling to associate over the internet. Now back to my internet connection problem at this hotel, I must and will endeavor to limit my communication to concise and precise language so that I am able to stay on the internet long enough to get my point or offerings across. I need to post this blog now so that I know it will make it to fulfill my daily venture to bring something from within my head or my heart to the public at least once a day.

Another new day to make a mark in life (#150)

I am very fortunate to know that people in my life care about me and want to help me when they learn that I have a need. I am reluctant to ask for help and usually don't. But times happen when I am forced to ask for help. It is at these times that I find help almost everywhere I seek it. I have been a giver of myself and my resources for most of my life, (might explain why I need help occasionally myself), part of my nature is to help others when their need is immediate. I have a very casual attitude about being ambitious for the purpose of satisfying superficial desires or to present a false facade of being something I am not. I have discovered that the most desirous fulfillment does not come from riches but rather by experiencing the goodness of life through conquering the bad. In other words, helping others when they need help and feeling the appreciation they express. How humbling and how rewarding that some minor part I may play in their lives has such a special and significant expression attached to it. The quality of my life is what I want in quantity. Things, will never replace in importance the interaction available with the human spirit. I have learned through trial and error that my goodwill can only be given where the goodwill can be appreciated and not manipulated. I only have so much goodwill resource I can give, so I must discern it's proper usage. Time has been my ally in this and I have been able to judge where I shouldn't offer my goodwill. Careful observation of my surroundings and the ability to listen have aided me in determining my ability to judge. Like-minded people often attract toward each other and as long as my purpose to live with a high standard of principles remains focused I expect to be surrounded by those who feel the same way. Every day we get another chance to improve our lives and make our mark in the history of mankind.