I am blessed (#308)

I have been thinking about my life this morning and every time I thought about something it was in respect to what I could do. There are things I can do. I have options. I am not one of those people who believe I deserve things just because I am alive or who I am. I am one of those people who is just amazed that I am alive and humbled by the possibilities I have in life. I also get to share how I am with others. It is a testament to how I try to pattern my life on the best principles that humanity can display. Others would not want me to share my life with them if they did not see the good I try to reflect back to them. It is an honest good. Not a false or superficial good but a deep and lasting good that I strive for. I have chosen to be a friend to all who would treat me as one. I have no barriers to who is my friend as long as all respect the gift of friendship. Life can be as simple as giving. In all the emotions I feel the one constant is giving. Regardless of the action of giving the act of giving is the key. The impetus to associate and give of myself is were my emotions find there greatest experience. The act of giving isn't always a positive one and those acts are not what I am advocating. The better and best intention of giving is what I am referring to. Knowing the difference between right and wrong will be for another post but for now the right in life is where all the really good stuff happens. I am truly blessed.

I have a personal God (#307)

I will discuss my own personal thoughts on the existence of spirituality in my life. I am a creature who examines, someone who is empirical and logical about my curiosities and discoveries. In one form of my learning is how natural I find myself praying or meditating with a non-anatomical being. This is not a phenomena in our society, we are aware of belief systems as well as little children and their imaginary friends. Where my spirituality comes from is the understanding within myself that the universe is an awesome, brilliant dynamic for which I have no knowledge of it's reason for being. As a coping mechanism, I find that giving something credit for it's existence makes a lot of sense. This may be putting the cart before the horse, but the alternative is not how I wish to view the destiny I will attempt to provide for my life. I am the creator of how I can live my life by trying to give my life meaning. In finding my spirituality I have laid a foundation for how I can build my character, how I project out the better and best of human principles and offer my humble hopes for the future of humanity. It is perfect for me in so few areas of my life but one of them is that I am absolutely grateful for having the opportunity to be alive. All of existence is a gift. The forms I am allowed to understand and learn from is amazing. I will, by common sense on my part, accept that there is a beauty for which I am certain comes from a place or idea which has everything and nothing under it's domain. My Idea of a God perhaps.

I must keep my raw edge (#306)

I suppose what I mean by this title is that I don't wish to lose my vigor for the things that matter to me. I know that as I gain more wisdom and experience with subjects, I have a tendency to be more reflective and conservative in my responses. What I don't want to add to that is a general malaise about subjects that need my vitality behind their cause. It is almost as if I am becoming inured to my own emotions. this is not acceptable to me because it demonstrates an apathy I am unwilling to have reflected back to others. I am responsible for my passions and I cannot allow them to wither away. It is known and acceptable to slow down with age and I am among those who feel the passage of time as it relates to my physical presence. My physical presence is not my mental state, although it does have some influence. Regardless, my mental state is under no such ravage of time like my physical body is. At least not yet. So despite how tired I may feel as a physical property, my reason and creative thoughts have to continue to be counted among those who would stand tall in the face of less than the better and best principles of humanity. When my time comes to an end I have no delusion or belief of anything at all. That however does not preclude something else existing. What I know is best for me is to make my highest mark in this existence and expect that my mark will be counted somewhere and somehow as one example of how humanity can try to be it's best.

Nature at it's finest (#305)

I have been privileged to be in a snow storm this morning on my way to work. I say this because I am rarely around snow anymore since my days in Seattle and Fairbanks. I enjoy the way the weather has turned, although it will only be for a short time today watching the snow come down is a pleasure. It has stalled our work for today but only for several hours this morning. I am now writing this blog posting since I have a little down time and I want to enjoy writing while I am watching the snow come down. Nature is a joy to experience, especially since I am in the Southwest, New Mexico to be precise. The weather here is usually warm and the snow is not indicative of the usual weather. As I travel through life and find myself in geographical areas that I am not familiar with I am always on the lookout for different variations in weather that I can experience. I have no enlightened thoughts of any value except that am just enjoying my day in the snow. It is also nice that our job trailer on this site is equipped with a good heater and we are warm in here.

Know where your heart is (#304)

This is the most difficult subject for me on a personal level as it pertains to the love between this man and a woman. I know what my heart tells me and I know what reality tells me. I believe we all feel that the love that we feel toward another human being is one of a kind. True love if you will permit me to describe it as. How does one go about compromising on that? I know that there are "no deserves" or guarantees in life and what we have is what there is. I also know that what I feel inside of me is too important to me to ever let it be diluted. I guess I just answered my own question. I don't compromise on that. Then what is left? I suppose to have some happiness is better than martyrdom. I am being overly dramatic, martyrdom in the sense that I would never allow myself to have a relationship with another woman who is not the one I am truly in love with. I know that I am not the first nor last to have his or her true love not come to it's fruition. I am just another human being in the world full of other human beings trying to find their way through life. I know also that I will never lose my hope for the love of my life to come to me in some unexpected way. I also know that I will continue on living and if I find someone else who wants to be my life companion I should consider that as well.

How does one trust (#303)

I have been disappointed so many times that the act of trusting has a cynical property to it from the beginning of any trust situation. I know that each and every individual needs to have an initial trust given to them by me but it seems as if my given trust usually is abused. I remember when I was younger and not as wise I used to not care much about the trust given me by other people and always did what was best for me. Life is a cycle and what you reap you will more than likely also sow. I am not concluding that all of my previous actions will be returned upon me but I am saying that what I did to others should not be a surprise to me if it is done back to me. Back to trust, I will continue to put myself out there in a trusting fashion regardless if my trust is abused because the alternative is even worse, never trusting anyone. I also believe that my trust given is a gift and I should not expect a return. If I receive one, I will be blessed with that. I am also looking for my soul-mate companion if she exists and I need to be at the ready unless I let her slip away from me because I would not give her a chance to reveal herself to me. I must continue to trust with all my hope that it will be honored and cared for the way I should also honor and care for your trust in me.

Freedom to tell the truth (#302)

America, The United States of America, is a country that has struggled to gain the right for it's citizens to speak freely of their opinions. As long as no harm to others or themselves is involved this right is universal within the jurisprudence of American territory. How unbelievable this is for us to celebrate in our lifetime on a daily basis. In our past history this has not been the case. In present history outside our shores many other territories do not allow such freedom of speech. The cost America paid for this liberty is immeasurable. The life and blood, given and shed is unfathomable. How dear to us we should value this immense gift and protect it with every fiber of our being. As a consequence of the right to freedom of speech there is a moral, ethical and legal obligation to tell the truth. Truth telling is not as simple as just going around and speaking truth to everything that is in existence, or is it? I know that knowing what the truth is, is sometimes difficult to know and understand. But knowing what truth is should be a starting point for speaking truth. No words should come out as truth that are not actually truth. I know that I constantly keep my mouth in check on subjects that I am unsure about. Where I have problems is when I hear other people speak less than truth as if it were truth. I want to debate and refute their premise, disguised as a conclusion. I am not the truth police but I honor truth and the price that has been paid to secure it's expression. Nothing in life is of a higher value than the personal sacrifice of human life. When it is made in the name of freedom, especially freedom to tell the truth, then I for one will also defend it with my life.

It is in the hard that we find ourselves (#301)

For myself, I find that when things get hard for me I can either quit or keep going. Of course it is never that simple. Generally though, when I find that a situation has gotten difficult and I am beyond normal routine, I still focus a little harder on the subject at hand and push as hard as I can toward a conclusion. I seldom give in to the old behavior I used to accept and stop doing whatever it was I was doing because it got difficult and I could just tell myself that fate must not want me to continue. That was not true thinking on my part. I can control my fate by being a stronger more principled person and follow through on choices I have made. The outcomes are never within my total control but my behavior and actions are within my control. The satisfaction that comes with accomplishment is dear. It propels my senses into a clarity that I seldom find without having earned the privilege. I only know this much about how not to quit on something I know is right; I will fail myself and who I am trying to become if I let difficult struggle bypass without giving everything I have to face and conquer it. Therefore, the next logical step is to face all my difficulties with the same determination to succeed and not quit. I can always tell when the hard is upon me, it makes everything seem impossible or undo-able. It is then that my faith kicks in and an extra surge of motivation comes upon me. I am now getting used to not quitting and I am comfortable with the cognition that I can be stronger than the hard when it inevitably enters my domain.

Today is unofficially the 300 (#300)

It is appropriate that the first draft I did of this posting was gobbled up into the ether. I had already published it when it just disappeared from my listings during the transfer from editing. I am humbled to again write something on the day I am accomplishing the 300th posting to my blog. Writing an everyday blog is simple in concept but more difficult in reality. I have to maintain a level of objectivity while also projecting out principles to help guide any decision that can or must be made. I myself keep my own opinions most of the time to myself. When my personal views are included it is because I have an analogy attached and wish to describe the events. I am most assuredly not an expert on anything but I have certain principles for living which I contend must be incorporated into every living souls character. It is these principles of virtue and selflessness that can carry the human species forward into the future with a greater chance of enjoying existence with fewer possibilities for our own end. Compassion and curiosity, or care and wonder, the two human traits that occupy our existences the most. It is in living within these traits that we find our inner peace. It is also where we find our courage to learn and know the yet unknowable.

My word is my bond (#299)

If I say something it must come from within me. I shall not say anything that does not conform with what I hold as true. I am of a mindset that all the time I have left in existence must be lived with the principles of positive values. I so desire to experience my destiny on the correct side of truth and fairness. It is up to me to reflect those values I hold myself to. If I must slow down how I respond in order to correctly interpret and conclude every situation then that is what I must do. It is of little value for me to hurry toward a conclusion if I am in doubt as to the veracity or the insight of a situation. How I do value my word. It is of the greatest importance as a tool to impart what I can contribute on any particular circumstance. My fate, destiny or legacy is determined, in part, by how I infuse myself into society and into personal lives of those who wish or want to be a part of my daily life. Choosing the words I am using on this posting is an example of how I must stop and concentrate on each word I am using to describe what I am trying to say. All the time I need to respond, when asked something, is all the time I need to be sure I am giving back something of true value. I will not talk to hear my own voice or to inflate my ego or to project an image of myself that is not true. It is okay for me to say I don't know. I have learned and I am continuing to learn that I am not all answers, I am just a simple man who cares about all of you.

Never lose hope (#298)

I have been through many ups and downs in my life concerning having good things happen and bad things happen. I find today that I can determine some of the outcomes but still fate will have it's turn in presenting my present and future regardless of what I do. I just will never lose hope in expecting the best for myself and others around me that I can have some influence with. Hope is a great asset when I feel let down or some unexpected event lowers my enthusiasm. I am human and as a human being I am susceptible to disappointment. However the disappointment, I am not perpetually stuck there. Time has a way of showing me that regardless of the inevitability my mind may comprehend as an eventual outcome, reality and existence has another more complex conclusion than I do. I have to trust in goodness and being the best man I can be in order for the peace of mind I seek to appear. Certainties are what I have to live with but existence is the arbiter of all certainties and I will trust my fate to it's hands. One intent of hope is to endure through that which would wear us down to a despaired state. I am fortunate that I am not isolated to myself and have contact and interaction with persons or a medium which allows me to express myself in order to release any despair before it can fester into something even worse. Living in existence as a human being is a gift beyond any imagining. I hope to cherish this gift and find what small pleasures I can and be humbled at them finding me.

The foundation of being (#297)

The wonder within me has not changed since the day I first started wondering. I have gotten older and in some people's mind I am old. Regardless of others' perceptions I am as young in my soul as I have always been. It is tough that my body has continued to age while my mind continues to stay young. Of course I accept this and expect nothing much to change this process. However, I also do not expect my wonderment of perception to change likewise. It is in my mind where all the real living of my life exists. What is inside of me is what counts not the shell that houses what I am. I try to take care of the shell but it is inside me that the most care is taken in keeping me fresh and updated. My ability to analyze and reason are truly the complexity within me that I find comfort with. Many theorists try to explain the individual state of the human species and our capacity to be unique. I feel that I am many parts working as a whole to form who I am. There are some parts that have less to do with reality and are more of a defense mechanism. There are other parts that deal with how my emotions interpret life situations and their manifestations. For the most part my core parts are my senses, they allow me to collect, sort, analyze, reason and conclude. All these parts have to do with what I am and am becoming. They all share an equal and focused trait which I refer to as curiosity or in this posting, wonder. My blog is concerned with the two traits of humanity I call the foundation of being, compassion and curiosity. These two traits are bridged through the act of survival. As long as I care and wonder and strive to stay alive I am in the youth of my life to the day that I die.

Expression (#296)

How an important subject like expression has been ignored by me until now is inexcusable. lol. I am fortunate to be a firm believer in expression and hope to always keep my expressions up front and tactful. There are many ways for me to express myself and I often do it with actions. Occasionally I express myself through no action at all. It is mostly through natural and instinctual expressions that I am most obvious in my displays of expression. I am also aware of how others may perceive my expressions and at times I must be mindful of delicate situations that require me to be discreet. My mind is like an engine that never stops so it is important that I keep my hands on the levers of it's controls. lol. Stereotypes have been dominant in my early life and are now being dismantled as subjects of how I express myself. I am an unique individual who is not necessarily prone to being stereotypical. My reasoning on subjects or likes and dislikes do not follow simple acculturated behaviors nor do they allow for prejudice to be any part of my analytical calculations. As I continue to mature into the human being I am hoping to become I find that there is more of a naturalness to my reactions along the lines of my more matured nature. I am hopeful that my inner instinctual behavior will begin to closely match my new cognitive thoughts about how I wish to be. Expression will be the end result of my metamorphosis and will be who I want to be when I am being me.

The power of magic (#295)

Magic for me is when great possibilities meet at the same time. It is like a convergence of appropriately placed events. I am not referring to trickery or supernatural, just serendipity at it's finest. It is a lot like to people falling in love with each other, magical. I still am and always will be a romantic of some form or of some degree. I say that because I believe in the power of magic and it happening all around me. If I am to believe in anything it should be in the wonder and awesomeness of great good things. I would like to think that providence has a hand in making magic but alas it is just more likely coincidence. If it is coincidence then helping coincidence along is my next thought. Being vigilant and expectant without losing hope is also necessary to optimize the chance for magic to happen for me and possibly for others. My experience as a human being should be full of the wishes and dreams that can come true and also have some wishes and dreams that may never come true. Hope is all I ask for, the end results will still be what they are but holding out for some magical moment is a good thing. The inner yearning that is associated with having magic happen for me is somewhat unexplainable. I am struggling to put words to the sense I feel about having or anticipating something magical. I will say this, magic is like Christmas morning with presents to unwrap. It is also like a part of fate or destiny yet to be revealed in my life. I am convinced that there are certain magical moments for all of us and hope that we may all experience our magical moments when they appear.

It is not about me (#294)

Regardless of how things appear, my life is not my main concern. Yours is, and the future lives yet to be born. I am constantly reminded of this by my own self when I start to feel emotional about things happening in my life. Now it may also appear that my true nature is more selfish than I want it to be but that is not accurate. My previous behavior has been inculcated deeply within me and the behavior change I am experiencing is what I am expressing as being constantly reminded. The introspection I am writing about that I apply to myself is not unusual to humanity. We as a species have been introspective since before we began to record our own history. Introspection is common to all of us. Where I may take introspection to a different place within me is that I have already considered myself as not part of the future. In other words I write and talk as if I have already left existence. My youth has passed me by and the rest of what I am will be used in a more constructive way. The most constructive way I feel is for me to be totally selfless. Being in a state of constant selflessness is difficult because I am in reality still alive. Outside of that little conundrum I am finding it easier for me to stay objective and rationalize how our future can look without me being in the equation. The one tool I have that is a vast array of possibilities is my mind. In using my mind to construct and theorize about what could be in the best interests of humanity is a control I am still allowed to utilize. The greatest gift I can serve to humanity is what I can realize and idealize as the better and best principles that humanity has to offer. Not what humanity can offer to me.

I will be heard (#293)

Since the moment I knew reason as a thought process I knew that what I had to say was important to me. I am alive and I want the universe to recognize that. I am not insignificant, I am not to be dismissed. If all I have is one breath left I will know that I existed. Why is this important to me? Because I am just another human being in a perpetual sea of human beings, I won't be held in view as being invisible. My voice has wave and intent. It is my signal to all time and all space that I have thoughts that matter. I will be heard. This little blog I write everyday is just one way in which what I think and feel is expressed to eternity. The stamp of my life is in the living of my life and like all things will be recorded in some way that has some significance. If I didn't believe that I would not bother to be heard. Life must have a meaning and regardless of whether we know what it is is irrelevant. I assume that how I live my life will be essential to some future event or comprehensive evaluation that will carry the best principles of humanity into a new era of life. It is my life to hope for the best of existence as well as it is your life to hope for the things that lift your life to it's highest levels. I am still privileged to be a human being who can raise his expectations to ideal levels and demand them from himself.

Sparking emotions (#292)

I will never understand why it takes some outside catalyst for many people before they find their emotions about some subjects. I say this because it should not be the case that something or someone else has to be a trigger for emotion to appear within a person on any random subject. My personal experience dictates what I think and feel without having to be coaxed or cajoled into caring or responding with emotion about any particular subject. I am the captain of my own feelings. I determine what is right or wrong in how I feel about situations. Even if I don't know how I feel it is still my "I don't know" that I am feeling. I trust my instincts and I am learning to trust my judgement in many matters that I am becoming more familiar with. Keeping an objective mindset is crucial to my being able to distinguish variances in right and wrong, not perfectly but mostly. I will not hijack or be hijacked by any wisdom that is not grounded in the better and best principles of humanity and what humanity can achieve. Virtue is my calling. Character traits within me demand that I act with forethought and balance about matters that affect me and that affect my world on a whole. My passion about circumstance and humanity are equal, although I find that love of a soul-mate has a deeper sensational impact on my being. Regardless, the message of this post is that I am the one who needs to express my emotions on the subjects that are in existence in my life. I shall not be told or tell others how they should feel but I will suggest to them that they should feel something about the things that are in their lives.

We need to have fun (#291)

There are so many problems in the world and a serious amount of discussion should be appropriated to solving these problems. The satisfaction gained when a solution is found or progress is made is an uplifting experience. These opportunities are not as common as I would like so I feel a need to express myself in a happy manner through other sources of activity. Mainly by initiating humor in any subject that is readily available without being overly offensive or insensitive. Humor for me is vital in my character and behavior. I also try to do or act in humorous ways to help others join me in having fun. Anymore, I do not use artificial stimulants as a way to induce different behavior from myself in order to have fun. Fun for me is witty and opportunistic. For me, it is innocent in intention and only employed to uplift my and others' moment. Every morning I look into the mirror and see my face looking back at me and the first thing I do is, consciously, put a smile on my face. This small act gets me going because as soon as I see the smile reflecting back at me I start to laugh. There is something about my smile that triggers my funny bone. We all have things in our lives that strike us at times with a need to express humor. I try to raise that criteria of funny to a new level that brings more and more laughter into my and, through extension, others' day as well. I need to have fun and will not stop trying to have fun regardless of the realities of life as they happen everyday.

Inspiration (#290)

Inspiration is out there everywhere for me to acknowledge. It is in the personal lives that I come into contact with, it is in the news reports I see and hear, it is in nature and it is in expressions of artistic creations that exemplify the human spirit. I could describe many examples of inspiration but I choose to define the term, inspiration, itself. Inspiration for me is an emotional event. I am captivated by it's effect upon me. Inspiration, when it strikes me, is a catalyst for a call to action for me. Whether I act on the inspiration is always curious with me. Sometimes my inspired moments need reflection to determine whether they are appropriate. I must always weigh the effect an inspired moment has on not only myself but on others it effects as well. Most often however when inspiration enlightens me I am most humbled and grateful for it's appearance. The reason I feel that inspiration comes to me is that I am open to learning and curious about what I don't know; what I don't know is considerable by the way. It is this blank canvas in my mind that allows for shapes to form and understanding to develop. Inspiration gives me opportunities yet unrealized. Inspiration, for me, is like hope in many ways. It offers the concept of new and fresh, it offers change from the now toward the future now. Inspiration makes my life a joy to be in. It will always be my wish to be inspired by any and all manners that propel me and create a new and better life for all of us.

Discoveries about our natural condition (#289)

Faith systems in the human culture have been in existence since the earliest artifacts of life have been found. It is not surprising that having noticed that we have no clue as to how we have come about to being in existence, that having faith in a higher power would be a logical assumption. It is not absolute as an assumption of it being true, however with nothing else besides scientific possibilities to grasp onto we are at least comfortable with the assumption. We are so early in the scope of how long we have been able to reason about how our existence came into being that it is presumptuous of anyone to think that all the clues have been discovered. It seems to me that thousands of years more are going to be necessary to move the debate along about how we came into being and what is the object of existence. The human struggle to even portray truth about many matters is still finding objections from those whose instincts tell them to keep knowledge where it can be managed by their superior intellect. It is regrettable that our current state of thinking does not have absolute integrity to display and yet hopeful that eventually we will come into being a society that finds humility in learning and defends the rights of all who are in existence with a fervency that reflects the best of the human offering to existence. What is the best of the human offering to existence humanity has? It is the struggle to defend when defending is needed. You may also call this love.

I love you (#288)

Three of the most powerful words in my life. I cannot tell how many times I have wanted to say those words to someone who has that same gut feeling inside of them that I do about love for just each other. I am hopeful and persistent about finding this one particular circumstance. Being able to look a girl in the eyes and hold her look right back at me and say that I love you. There are no guarantees about anything in life except that it will all come to an end someday, but still I feel that having the potential to love a girl the way I know I can gives me hope that this feeling inside me must have a purpose more than just to exist within me. The older I get the less time I have of finding the one who will share her life with me in love. Time is a concern but only a concern, not the determining factor until I reach the end of my life. In the meantime, I have people to meet and relationships to nurture so that I have more opportunity to find the girl who has been waiting or has been unaware of how she feels about me. Time in this instance will tell eventually. As an optimist I tend to let the hope of a possible reality permeate through me and lift my spirits however artificial. It is still a lifting and an expectation worthy of a smile. I love you can be in my future and just knowing it can strengthens me.

I am a witness to my life (#287)

I am a witness to my life. What that means is that I am aware of what is happening to and around me. What will be the true story of my life? I know that my decisions about what I am and am to be is crucial in deciding my story. The emotions within me are secondary to the good I can be apart of in my life. By saying my emotions are secondary, I mean to describe that reality in life has a greater priority to the wants and desires I have for myself on a personal level. I understand that my feelings about how I feel is of lesser concern to me than the stark, painful circumstances I see in my little view of the world. The negation of selfishness in my life is a continual battle that can only be won on a daily basis. I hope that eventually selfishness will become so insignificant in my life that it will have no power to influence my actions. It is amazing to me how I am able to maintain a level of consciousness about my ambition to become a better man. It would be so easy to follow the same old patterns of behaviour that have existed in full previously in my life. I am honored that I have found a peace within my life that allows me to change the person of myself into a person I wish I had already become. I have been given an insight that allows me to see that I am not who I need to be. It is necessary for me to maintain this peaceful existence, since I have been gifted with a vision of it. I am the witness to my life and the little I have achieved toward it is stimulating and invigorating in the sense that I need more.

Stubborn is me (#286)

It seems that the determination I reflect back to others has it's origins within me from the act of being stubborn. I don't presume to equate my stubborn beginnings with being obstinate or closed-minded, I rather infer that the stubborn ability I present parallel my quest to not give up or in to the lessening of human choices to experience and flourish in existence. The subjective aspect of the meaning given to being stubborn has no place in my discussion of the parts of my life that make me, me. Being stubborn has kept my striving to be a better person in focus. The better way to describe my stubbornness is in the following statement; I am stubborn but not to a fault. Relentless is another descriptive word to describe my inner motivational fire. However, relentless is not fully a descriptive enough word to match the ideal of my being stubborn. Relentless doesn't allow for the flushing out of argument in it's application, whereas being stubborn denotes an occasional reflection on other possibilities. I should also say that being stubborn and on one track of thinking to the exclusion of all others is not what I am implying. I will stubbornly begin a train of thought or course of action and have the ability to deviate from a single path. The lesson I have always firmly held as a conviction is that I am constantly learning and rationalizing new concepts. Not to allow for change within my thinking would be absurd and counter-productive. The action of my stubbornness helps me to continue on an enlightened course and gives me room to upgrade the clarity with which I am following.

The circle of life (#285)

How appropriate it is for the brave in our society to sacrifice of themselves on our behalf. It is a constant reminder to all of us to search within ourselves and find our bravery as well. Courage is a learned and practiced behavior. We all have it within us to express. The determination and selflessness necessary for it to reflect from us is up to us to display. Life has never been easy, it is a circle born to die. Such is our human reality. No amount of denial will change this stark reality. Acceptance therefore of what life and death are in existence is an absolute. The emotional part of my being wishes to shield the heartaches within life from those I love and care about. I must not shield them from the truth of heartache because heartache is a consequence of living in this world and serves as an expression of having lost love in some form. The truth of living and dying is real and honest and should be a part of all of our lives. The miracle of life is what should be remembered and the passing of life should be a celebration of the gift of that life. If there was some way that I could bring death to a halt I would. I cannot however and accepting that reality is what this existence demands of me. We all become better and best human beings when we are aware of the truth of life and how we need to express it.

So many layers of fear to conquer (#284)

I am still unraveling the hidden assumptions I have been making concerning how I live my life. I have not yet tasted true freedom from stereotypes and false premises. I am learning that I have few truly honest views of circumstances and realities I encounter. There seems to be a superficial covering over things that I am having some difficulty seeing through. I am aware of this however and by knowing that I can begin to unravel some of these confusions with a more reflective approach to my thought processes. Particularly, my expectation assumptions are not realistic. They are more heavily weighed toward what others should be doing or thinking instead of what I should be doing or thinking. I am the only one whom I have any control over. I am the one who can effect positive change upon myself through curiosity and logic. I need all aspects of my existence to come into play for me to have the kind of perspective necessary to advance my own growth. What I find is my emotions or my passion dictates at times my logic. This is not the sequence I need to properly understand my overall take on the issues that confront me. Where I need to modify or recalculate is in the area of my decision making process that has an elevated factor based upon heart felt emotion. I need to trust the instinct I have been given in my gut to help define how I feel about the emotional and passionate aspects of circumstances and temper them with objective logic and reasonableness. What I consider and think of circumstances needs to be less about me and more about actual realities and the effect on the population at large.

I saw myself and I was not impressed (#283)

I recognized a trait within myself that I expect others to have perfected. What a revelation. I am not able to handle certain situations I expect others to have mastered. Not that they have or have not just that they should have. I am without a doubt a hypocrite if I continue to have these expectations of others. I know that being afraid to speak to truth when it shows itself is something all of us battle with. For me to pick out certain situations and have expectations about them is inconsistent with the principles I hope to reflect. Sometimes an awkwardness envelopes relationships and it is easy or the previous learned behavior to ignore or hide from being honest. Being honest is my only hope to a better life and the sooner I practice honesty in all the circumstances and situations my life presents to me the quicker I will begin to realize my goal of being the best man I can be. Life is hard and making it more confusing is not productive. I know my heart yet at times I still hide from that reality. I am human and given to frailty, but not as an excuse. I will try harder to improve who I am and who I want to be while taking less opportunity to expect out others what they are capable or willing to give.

Making myself slow down once in awhile (#282)

I find it absurd that I have to write about this but apparently I am absurd. Lol, seems logical anyway. I am constantly trying to think of something to do when the most important thing I can do right now is rest and relax my mind. I am in the process of turning off the television, no radio just silence and the sound of nature around me. I have been working a fast paced work project and this time at home right now is for me to rest and reinvigorate. I am learning that resting is somewhat difficult since I have trained myself to stay busy. I must become more flexible in how I approach life and the many different circumstances that occur. I can be lazy but not for very long then I need a task to perform with some kind of physical action. The most important reminder I have right now is that I am still tired, emotionally, mentally and physically. Until I have retrieved the vigor I had when I started this project I am not doing myself or anyone around me any good. This morning I was privileged to have a group discussion about the benefit of meditation. I am glad that I have, within my life, people who talk about things that I need to hear. I am so appreciative of others who share similar circumstances concerning subjects that help me to decide how to implement them into my life. slowing down and resting or relaxing is one of the very many subjects I need to address in my life.

Letting go of the past (#281)

I am amused at how I am able to come up with this topic for today. I was just contemplating on what my topic should be when I saw a symbol of something that reminded me of my past. A simple object has the power to rekindle memories within me that have been stored away for decades. As in all things in my life the good always comes with a measure of the bad. My memories are no exception. However, the bad is not overwhelming only less than what it should have been. The good is also not overwhelming but it also could have been better. I think at times that the past is a record of who I am but in my reality it is a record of who I am becoming still. The past was the learning curve that has gotten me to the place I am going to today. I don't hold much sentiment or remorse in the actions and thoughts of my past. I only use the past as a reminder and a teaching tool to give myself perspective on the present and possible future circumstances that are and may come my way. Life is hard enough without dragging around the seemingly irrelevant. Where I live is in today and hopefully many more tomorrows. How I am able to take from what was already lived and apply it to what may come is my objective. Certainly reflecting back on the past has some value on my life but not in any sense that predetermines my destiny. The past can only have control over my present and future if I am not willing to live a life of an individual human being with the knowledge of knowing I can shape my life through thought and action determined solely by own hopes and wishes. I don't live in the past, I live right now where I am at at any given moment.

On the subject of being natural (#280)

Being natural is a very difficult description to attempt to make. I was hesitant to post on this subject, however when I find that I am unsure about something the best result for me is to take it on. I won't start with a question, instead I will try to describe how being natural manifests itself with me. In the morning, like it is now for me, my mind is immediately engaged in thoughts that are currently of priority for my day. My body is another story. My body is like it most always is, instinctual. By that I mean that my body does it's own voluntary and involuntary reactions to the stimuli present at the moment. In a sense, metaphorically, I am two halves of different processes. One half, logic/reason and the other half, instinctual behavior. That is the origin of my being natural today. Since this cognitive/behavior action displayed on my part is how I am then I can feel assured that this is my natural state. I have controls over how I allow, my instinctual and logical processes, to apply themselves but I have no control over the fact that they will proceed in my life. Time is the formula I use to dictate how I want and hope my thoughts and physical actions to present themselves. It is noteworthy that I, again I, have only some control over both halves of myself. I am responsible for both however, and seek to constantly address how they are observed by myself and others. Being natural for me is a trial and error situation combined with my own expectations of what I wish to be. I know it sounds like I am being artificial instead of natural but I am not naturally without reason. Therefore being natural for me is a learned process based upon how I want my life to exist for me and what expectations I have for how I am observed by others.

Anticipation as motivation (#279)

It is not always possible to be motivated at a high level for long periods of time. There are mornings where the rigors of the preceding days have hit a plateau for me and I am not quite able to sustain a consistent vitality. I am relentless in my search for motivation at these times in order to reestablish my usual zest for living. A tactic I find competent is the thought of some anticipated event that is forthcoming in my near future. I grasp this concept with anticipation of it's arrival. In doing so a motivation of expectation fills me with a sensation of excitement and thus provides me with a lift to my spirits and a vitality level which brings more happiness to my thoughts. I am not natural to being an eternal optimist or always being upbeat. I am human and have the same human frailty's we all share in at times. I will not languish in human frailty for long and I am consistently searching for ways to present my thought that life is a gift and I am humbled in being a human life in existence. It is critical then to have goals or plans in the future to strive toward. I don't have to hit those goals or conclude those plans with absolute control but generally I hope to move forward toward them with my best efforts. Just having a thought toward the future of some anticipated reality gears me up to get through those days where my usual motivation for living is not at the threshold I need it to be.

Perspective (#278)

Enlightenment comes from having added some thought or action to an already established concept that changes that concept into another form. Perspective is when you see something simple change into something different. Or something complex change into something simple. Literally, perspective is a viewpoint. The definition of perspective I am trying to get at is the one where objectivity is the logical sequence of experience or cognition. As a young man I saw most everything in the simple form of right or wrong. As I have matured and added perspective I see things as mixtures of both right and wrong. Perspective is a learned premise. It is a viewpoint with many conclusive possibilities. The genius of having an objective perspective is that it allows for logic to work. Logic is not foolproof, but it is consistent in balancing and weighing possibilities as to their priority. My desire to never stop learning is based entirely on the fact that I live for only a short period of time, relatively, and this existence is both abundant with discoverable knowledge and unknown knowledge yet to be identified. I am continually humbled by my presence here in existence. The power(s) that made my presence a life, as a human being, with behavior and cognition control have my eternal gratitude. As I continue to grow as a student within existence I continue to add to my perspective about our society of humanity. History shows me that enlightenment occurs when curiosity is employed. My life shows me that enlightenment within myself occurs when I continue to question and wonder about the things I have yet to discover.

Keeping it real (#277)

I have gotten to the point in my life where there is so much manipulation and strategy for some many things I am involved with that I am at peace. I am at peace because I don't employ strategy or manipulation as a tool to achieve an outcome. My contentment surrounding the turmoil of advantage gained, is that I just keep it real. The outcome will be what it is then I can move one way or the other based on it. Of course I must always temper the truth of my speech with tact and diplomacy but never to the extent toward convolution of the content of my speech. The honorable man I am striving to become would expect no less than the truth. My ideals concerning finance and occupation must be kept at the level I respect and wish to demonstrate. I only have myself to live with and the compromising of myself and my values for temporary satisfaction or gain is not to be allowed. This is where the peace comes in that I have about what the world has to offer versus what I wish for my own personal growth. This is no match since in my past I have sought the illusion of success through any means. Today, success for me comes in the form of how well do I reflect the principles of honor and justice through the practice and action of compassion and curiosity. My inner growth toward being a better example of humanity, and humanity's best instincts and cognition's, is the only value I will consider worthy of my definition of success.

Meditation as a resource (#276)

When I used to think of meditating I had the idea that it was a waste of time and some ridiculous philosophy. How wrong I was. I am a firm believer that meditation has many applications in my life. I use meditation to center my thinking, calm my emotions and create new concepts for my imagination. Meditation also allows me to recharge my physical being as well. Meditation is a tool or more understandably a resource I can draw on in times of challenge or difficulty. It isn't mystical with me it is just a time I can spend emptying my mind or just allowing free-flow of whatever enters my head. I use meditation also in a spiritual way because that is my choice to do so. I am very pleased that meditation has found it's way into practice within my life and the results for me, have been everything optimistic and encouraging. I always find a little time to meditate before I begin my blog subjects as meditating helps me to clearly define what I am trying to convey. I blame the lack of conveying clearly on my inability to communicate if there are those who cannot understand what I am writing. It is not the fault of meditating, it is the fault of the Carl not being coherent enough. The thoughts come through meditation and for that I am well blessed.

Life counting it's days on me (#275)

I look deep within myself for answers or for direction to those things that are directly in contact with my present moment. I am in a meditative state of mind this morning obviously. (insert laugh) I do believe that the answers to most all of my questions are within me waiting to be revealed. I call upon a power that I am comfortable with to help guide my thinking and keep me in the best of thoughts about principles of honor. My strength as a human being comes from virtue. When I am able to collect my mind around the right and true my strength is powerful. By keeping to the principles of honor, ethics, justice, with a mixture of common sense, I have armed myself with purpose. That feeling of having a powerful purpose to defend or express is the best of who I am. Life for me is when I am in the moment with a dedication to the better and best that human nature has yet to offer. What an honor and privilege I have in seeing my destiny for living, despite whatever circumstance that may appear. I am heading toward the end of the life I have been gifted, in that my days of living so far will not outnumber the days I have left in existence. I am well satisfied however with the position I find myself in. No regrets greater than the promise of a better future do I have within me. The selfishness of my past was less honorable but the selflessness of my present and continuing on into my future has greater honor yet to be shown. I am confident in stating this because I have found my peace with life and death.

The magnificence of life (#274)

I was just sitting here meditating on the title of this posting when a dawning of a reality set upon me. I was reminded once again that the peace of this present moment is a gift of amazing proportion. The sensations I am able to enjoy have an artificial atmosphere in which I have a good amount of control over. I am sitting in the high desert, approximately 4300 feet, early in the morning with the outside temperature around 40 degrees. Although the outside cold is near, the inside warmth is surrounding me at a comfortable 70 degrees. I just finished off two very healthy pieces of wheat toast with a few cups of tasty coffee. I am typing on my laptop this posting, which will go over the Internet when I publish it, thoughts I wish to share with any and all of humanity. My appreciation for the most fundamental and bare dirt basics in my life are clear and objective. Thank you life for bringing me to you. It is still real and objective that today someone else is sitting in the high desert in some other part of the world with nothing but the cold outside. I am a realist and shall be a humble one because I recognize that the world is all of us just not only me. Humanity has such a task ahead of itself. Bringing to bear all of our efforts to shape our society toward meaningful birth control with dignity and respect for those who are birthed and live within existence. Birth control sounds so ominous but what I mean to convey is having children, not as chattel or with no thought to how they must live but as a gift to our world that the parents hope to nurture and love. The human experiment will only succeed with the best of our hearts, minds and souls displaying the characteristics of compassion and curiosity and our will to survive.

My home is where my heart is (#273)

Although many things seem be to wresting for position in my mind the one constant is that whenever I think above my thoughts a smile still comes to my face. I know why this happens, it is because regardless of the endless streams of practical and creative images forming in my mind I am still happy in my heart. Many things are happening around me at this time yet my soul is content and that fact alone is my rock. The continual change happening to me is not taking place in my heart. I will always have the goodness within me as a constant companion wherever and whatever I am doing. I think of my little animals that I love and who give me back their affection, and the time I have been away from them. It is somewhat heartbreaking but also more-so an anticipation upon returning and seeing them again. Some of my family and friends have been waiting for me to come home and look them into the face with a real smile of reconnecting. I may be a thousand miles away but my home is in my heart. That is where the warmth of all my good memories reside. My memories are sufficient today in keeping me balanced and healthy in my approach to the obligations I must greet. The feelings in my heart also serve me in bringing who I am to the myriad new people I am meeting and getting to know. New friends are very good but my old friends are too and I miss them when I don't see them. Such are the demands of society when obligations must be met. I will continue to smile the smile of a man who has found a road to travel that offers contentment. Truly, my home is where my heart is and today my heart is with all of those that I know.

Still looking forward (#272)

Again fear has it's temptations with me. Temptations only though. This world has it's way of making me think, temporarily, that it is too complicated for me to be effective in it. Ha! I am still plagued at very small moments with the fleeting thought that I don't measure up to normal standards. This is a normal human condition that I believe is shared by all or most all of our society at large. It only takes me a few seconds to rationalize the thoughts away to the trash bin in my mind. I am the man who is on a mission to improve himself and by extension hopefully reflect back to others as a good example. This is my only goal in life that has my constant vigilance. I also am looking for that life partner to share my life with but that is up to fate and destiny because I am not able to find this person on my own. My future still holds mystery and confidence that is allowing me to look forward to everyday that comes as I awaken. I am privileged to be in existence and hope to continue to be here as long as my mind and body will allow me. Carpe diem, seize the day, is my spirit; and Manifest destiny, claiming all from horizon to horizon, is my wish for the kind of future I hope for the best of mankind to create.

Come what may (#271)

Bring it on. The fortitude to show the strength necessary to confront whatever circumstance that presents itself in my life is girded by the truth. Honest application of my being is how I approach the challenges I face today. My continual conversation concerning living a life of a principled man who only wishes to be better at life is the impetus for me to face the daily challenges regardless of their nature. The foundation of me is still being built but it is strong in character and action. Knowing that who I am is what will be my greatest ally in facing uncertainty is comforting in that there is a peace within me that my spirit experiences. There are some challenges awaiting me in the present work position I am filling. I understand also that I take these circumstances as personal challenges. Maybe my approach is a bit overstated but my resolve to handle and complete them is highly focused. My ability to adapt to any situation is being tested with challenges that are a bit difficult and complex. However, my life as a principled man gives me the inner fortitude to accept these challenges with the grace of a man who will accept nothing less than a job well done. I really like who I am today and today is the time I need to really like myself. As fate or destiny would have it, it is my time to show what I am capable of doing.

Each and every individual human (#270)

There is no playbook. There is no guide to being human. We as a society of humans have offered ideas about how to live but there is no absolute way. Deep down within us exists our will or our soul, however you decide to describe that which makes you, you. And in the person of yourself exists the ability we call being alive and functioning as a human being. As a category of life, we are unique. We are biological with an inherent ability to reason and remember. The awesomeness of that reality is overwhelming. I am incredulous at my ability to reason and communicate, so much so, that I feel absolutely humbled at the prospect of actually reasoning and learning more. It is my life's ambition to relentlessly search for knowledge with all the vigor I possess. I have been working toward being the better and best human being I can possibly become but also attempting to learn and understand the little mysteries I am capable of comprehending. My personal judgement about how I am living and what I am learning is foremost and fundamental to who I am. I will never abrogate my personal humanity to any other being in existence without just cause to sacrifice and principled honor. Being a man of honor is my goal in life since I was less than that in my past. My perspective has evolved to include my admitting of faults and my determination to correct those that remain within me but to also move forward and creating a better past and present through my actions today. The future is where my heart of hopes lay and that is the impetus to the individual being I am. We all struggle to know who we are but when we do find out that we are all given the same ingredients with which to define ourselves, more times than not we will find that our better and best instincts define who we are and the end result will be for others to judge.

I must do the next right thing (#269)

To be selfish would not allow me to do the next right thing. This statement is a stark reminder to me of just how difficult it can be for me to transform to the person I wish to become. The key for me to an agreeable transformation is my sentinel duty to remain in the present. Now, I just bet some of you think that I must be a simpleton if my only duty is to be in the present. How absurd of me not to be in the present. What is difficult for me is to keep my mind from wandering into what my or your or our future should be instead of just experiencing the present. The future will come to me in the form of the present. If I have been attentive to the present and done the next right thing right in front of me then most times the future will be what it is naturally supposed to be. I am a guest in existence with some control over myself and very little control over the immediate things around me. I accept this premise and hope to someday improve my will over my immediate surroundings through becoming a better example to others for how to live a good life. However the choice still will remain with those who choose. My significant insignificance is appropriately measured and appreciated by myself. The lesser I think of myself and think instead of others the greater the stature I reflect back to those whose lives I touch. By being less about me I become more of who I am. A conundrum perhaps in describing my actions but no conundrum in the reality of the result.

"The times they are a changing"-Bob Dylan (#268)

Such a simple observant statement. Yet some things will or should never change. An example is another quote by a man named Dylan, Dylan Thomas. "Do not go gentle into that good night". The theme in Dylan Thomas's poem is instilled in the line, "Rage, rage against the dying of the light". Our indomitable spirits should never change from the premise of struggling to survive. Our nature's are resilient and persevere against all the changes in the times that we experience. Change is reality, it must come as a consequence of measuring time, and should also be embraced with our most ardent expectations. Realizing that times change is one thing. Realizing that we must hold dear and near to us the principles of good and right about ourselves is what we should always resolve to never change. The dynamics of living in a world that offers constant change with the dynamic of ourselves evolving from the better toward the best is our task in existence. We must isolate the principles of our natures that must always be the make-up of who we are and shine light on them as the example of how to live in a world not of our own design. Often I feel as if we are in an incubator of sorts just trying to find the best combination of living. This little analogy is too simple and is only an inkling of how much more complex existence is, however the process of defining humanity within the scope of animate and inanimate objects is continual. Our osmosis will occur but not without us cherishing and defending the best of who we are in both cognition and behaviour.

Diversity and Tolerance (#267)

My life in a nutshell. Tolerance and diversity, a very big key to how to look at the world. The phenomenon of "the arrogance of self" has no home in my life. It is because I have concluded that I am a part of the world like everyone else, that I have been given the insight to know that diversity and tolerance are natural and unique. The idea of sameness for all inclusion is fallacious thinking. The idea of difference for inclusion is reality. The fear associated with difference is to be no barrier to embracing difference and admiring it's qualities. Again I reiterate that I had no hand in creating existence, therefore do not get the option of judging or controlling it's reality. It is unfortunate that I must write on this subject, since it should be obvious that freedom to be an individual is guaranteed in our American Constitution. Despite the Constitutional guarantee, common sense and logic of diversity and tolerance of diversity have been in evidence throughout nature since the advent of Mankind. I contend that fear has always been misinterpreted as a conclusion. Fear is a premise in which to build on other premises toward an eventual conclusion. There is still much to learn from the sensation of fear and our infant understanding of it's application in the human experience has yet to fully evolve. Until then there are other remedies available to us in conquering and understanding those things which are different and unusual. Humility, being the best way to approach all of existence and a sense of curiosity in furthering knowledge to lessen the unknown.

Resourcing my principles (#266)

I can't explain why things happen when they do but I can be somewhat prepared for any situation simply by employing my principles for living. As I mature into the ideal of the man I hope to be, I begin to live the principles necessary for that long never-ending process. In living the process of acquiring principles and implementing them into my daily actions I am also preparing myself to act on principles when unexpected situations arise. I am rebuilding the foundation of who I am, based on the ideal of the man I want to be. I am not just giving words to print as evidence of my transformation. I have realized that the experiences and emotions of living a principled life are worthy of my full attention and are my most ardent and desired wish. Being a man of principle is the greatest gift I can give myself and, through actions and thoughts, the greatest gift I can give to humanity. I will continually be humbled by the fact that I am alive and functioning in existence. The knowledge that I can have some control over who I can be and have enough control to actually go about a process to make that happen is hopeful. In the hopefulness and correct application of principles, I can then begin to live the dream life of service to humanity and continue toward representing the true nature of myself and possibly be an example to others as a pathway to how to live a life of purpose and contentment.

The barriers to our souls (#265)

Fear, it has many forms to disguise itself with. But in the end it is always just fear. I wonder what the real purpose of fear is as opposed to what it has become in our age. In our age it is the barrier that is constructed to lessen the experiences life has for us. It is also a kindling flame in the circular fire of separation and division. What I believe fear truly is, is more to do with the unknown and discovery of the unknown then anything else. Our true natures should be filled with curiosity and wonderment. I contend that fear is the spark to awareness of new things and the catalyst for initiating discovery. Fear has a positive connotation in my rationalization. Fear tells me that I am about something I am unsure or unknowing of. Proper grammar aside, my description on this subject is far more important than my grammatical symmetry. I have delved deep within myself to expose my reasoning on how fear should be viewed. Now is the time. Fear is an ally waiting to be understood. Fear can and should expose our own weaknesses as well as weaknesses of others. Showing weakness is natural and progressive, for how should we strengthen ourselves in areas of weakness if we don't expose them and move forward from them. This blog started out being about barriers to our souls and the link I make to the title from the context of fear is that when we find we have an understanding of how to approach fear we then open ourselves to others with less inhibition and embarrassment. Life is a funny old thing and we all experience it. It would be wonderful if we all could experience our fears with a sense of courage and naturalness reflective of fear as a tool to growing and learning which in my estimation would remove barriers from our souls and allow us to accept all of us as just human with a goal to experience humanity.

Friends are everywhere (#264)

Something different in today's blog post. I am thinking about how easy it is to make and keep friends even under trying circumstances. All it takes is constant effort, really constant effort. That may sound like too much but what else am I doing. If making and keeping friends is important to me then why not keep making the constant effort to show them that they are important to me. It all boils down to what is important to me in my living of my life. I have already stated, in previous postings, that selfishness focused on me is not acceptable so what is left is selflessness on my part toward everyone who would be, or is my friend. I feel like the little engine who could. I believe I feel this way because when I do things for others I get a benefit of energized vitality. My life is less difficult and more satisfying. This works for me and I don't know how it would work for others but I would suggest everyone consider the cost/benefit analysis of enjoying greater mental and emotional health versus ego-satisfaction. I have tried both and will never go backward toward ego-satisfaction because it is illusory and never quite fulfilling. Ghandi had it right, Sister Teresa also, thinking and helping others is the real satisfaction I feel when I am in service to the ideal of humble giving. Truly friends are everywhere when the genuineness of my spirit is being revealed. There is no superficiality to honesty on display.

What it is to be human (#263)

It isn't like I know what it is to be human, it is just that there are some signs that show me what it is to be human. My own inner discovery of who I am gives me some clues and applying logic to the clues I can generalize about humanity. I am not the template for what humanity is but I am a starting point along with observation of other human activity. Philosophy has been the dominant paradigm of our history in describing our purpose and activity in existence. Thought and cognition are important rationales for understanding our surroundings, however for the sake of what it is to be human must rely on our instinct to be in the present. I am what I am right now, right now, right now, etc.... Emotion and our physical/chemical make-up are also factors in defining who we are at any given moment. I try to lessen the impact of those properties and focus on the quiet or calm times we have, when we can reflect on our own self-examination. We are alive and a growing entity with thoughts and emotions. We are also an animal with instincts that bind us through generations. The melding of our evolved instincts and behavior patterns, indoctrinated in us for better living in an organized society, continue to compromise with each other. On the larger scale of this morphing of complexities within ourselves is the ability to comprehend and adjust our beings to balance ourselves when an imbalance of ourselves occur. As the enlightenment of ourselves continues the heightened sense of knowledge gained from becoming more of who we are in a progressive mindset, the more we will be able to see existence with eyes that aren't shaded by the lesser instincts of early humanity.

The balance of heart and mind (#262)

When I was younger and less experienced I was inclined to make decisions based on logic and percentages solely. I considered these two factors to be the most important ingredients in deciding courses of action for human activity. My thinking was based upon the majority and held less to little concern for the minority. My transition from that strategy of decision making policy to a more balanced decision making policy of including majority and minority is now where my more mature thought process has arrived. The least of us is our weakest point and my contention is that our weakness's should be where we concentrate our greatest effort. I often hear how the stronger of us feel left out because the resources our society devotes to our lesser advantaged humans has left them with minimal resource allocation. I am heartened in my own life by the feeling of compassion I have within me and how fortunate I am that I can see my own strengths and be grateful I have them in force. I am less concerned with resource allocation and more concerned with how my heart reacts to situations our society has as a by-product of it's progress. My principles for living my life keep me in a place where my own personal reality is not my focus. My focus is on giving of my own strengths to those who have little or no strengths of their own. I am always in awe of my existence and I know it is of no creation of my own. My attitude is that I enjoy the living I am experiencing and humbly acknowledge life in all it's shapes and forms. Life is not about me, it is about everything else!

Human survival (#261)

I wish to speak about health care and it's impact on human survival. There are no guarantees that a universal health care program for all Americans will improve the health of us, but there is no proof that not having universal health care will. Common sense about the American society providing universal health care to it's citizens seems a logical construct. The science of health is still in it's infancy and the knowledge that could be gained by examining the largest pool of individuals increases our chances of discovering health concerns, both positive and negative, increases by percentage. The concept that a healthier nation of citizens will be available to contribute to society seems a logical consequence as well. The personal advantage to each individual as well is the timeliness of receiving health care. There would be quicker responses to health issues if coverage were available as opposed to waiting for a financial advantage to address health issues as I, for one, must consider in deciding to address a health issue. The greater opportunity for our society to inculcate principles of goodness comes to mind as well. When one of our main goals within our existence is to care for each other with good intent, the lesson of that becomes an example for us to permeate throughout other areas of our society. The present debate finds it way to how to finance such an endeavor, while the goal of health care for all seems to have a high percentage of favorable agreement. Our society uses monetary structures as a basis for keeping our society intact. The struggle with money and it's effect on our society's health should not overshadow the great importance of keeping our society compassionate about our own survival.

The natural flow of my being (#260)

I often find myself assuming things in my head as a starting point but quickly realize what I am doing. At that point I rationalize to myself the absurdity of my assuming thoughts and quickly eliminate them. I find myself back in the present moment, which is where I belong on a constant basis, less some important advanced thinking I might need to formulate. The title of this blog posting is the natural flow of my being and what I mean by that is that I need to allow my person to just go about what I do without trying to plan my moves. In many of my blog postings I have iterated the fact that I have found myself. In knowing who I am I must occasionally remind myself that I need to trust my instincts in every situation. I have ordered my thoughts and actions around the better and best of human principles and I need to allow them to flow through my actions and thoughts with free movement. I trust that as time goes by the principles I strive to have in my life will naturally appear as responses to any given circumstance. There is some caution during my growth toward my ideals as I don't wish to harm anyone as I attempt to become the man I hope to be. This is where I find myself trusting the flow of my essence with great scrutiny. It is less to do with fear and more to do with being a positive influence without interjecting myself into the equation. If all I have said seems a bit muddled it is because I am trying to say that my goal for the rest of my life is to be an example of humanity that anyone could appreciate.

Mentoring as a duty (#259)

I want to establish what the requirement of a duty is. It is a conscious conclusion that a owe is due and/or that our nature demands that we be consistent in our behavior toward a principled action. For me, it is both, with a higher calling coming from my conscious about owing something back for which I perceive as a gift or act of kindness. The duty I will try to demonstrate is also a natural progression of the Human experience. When Humanity is in it's proper state of being, duty will only be perceived as an act that exemplifies our better and best attributes. The establishment of duty within Humanity is obviously shown in the fact that we raise our children to become like us or even better than us. This is the segway to mentoring that is the subject of this posting. Mentoring is not just for our children it is also for all of Humanity when we can be in contact. I distinguish no one from each other in my hope to give of myself. There are people from all walks of life who are searching to find themselves and how they belong within our society. I am fortunate to know my place within this existence and the humanity and other life forms that inhabit it with us. I, then, instinctively and consciously, have an obligation to have conversation about subjects that are brought to me that I can bring understanding to or at least offer different approaches toward progressing possibilities. I sense my obligation to be a mentor and hold that honor with much regard and respect. The principled man I hope to become would do no less.

The wonderment within me (#258)

Everyday I continue to find that I am curious about something right when I am starting my day. Nothing in my life has become so comfortable or familiar that there isn't something that has my curiosity piqued. It has come to be an expectation of mine to be uncomfortable about many things which in turn keeps me on my toes with just about everything. Curious that being uncomfortable is my best instinct for keeping myself in a keen awareness state. I suppose that being uncomfortable about life is somewhat the opposite of what most other people in life are aiming to achieve. Comfort is an ideal that is striven toward. When I start to feel comfortable about anything I am now wary of it's status quo. Of course there are exceptions to the comfort/uncomfortable position I am trying to lay out about myself. That being a shared relationship of love with someone. I would want to find a comfort for the two of us as we interact together. Even in a personal relationship, however, comfortable can easily become dull and uncaring. The complexity of life and situations deserve my best efforts and being lazy or procrastinating can only detract from any best effort. If comfort is used in the fashion of catching one's breath and charting a better course for life then comfort has that positive appeal. For most situations though, comfort has become the top of the mountain instead of a fortuitous ledge to aid in temporary rest. I will continue to wonder and continue to live my life with the knowledge that it is never going to be a dream, only hard work and selfless expressions will bring the comfort to my life that I so desperately need.

I don't know what I am doing (#257)

Truly, I don't know what I am doing and I could not be any more satisfied. It has always been my problem that when I orchestrate some plan of mine I rarely end up with a desired result. What I am talking about on this posting is my life seems to be on a course of it's own. I am just in the Carl enjoying the ride. How I am getting to where I am going is just by doing the best principled thing in front of me and allowing destiny or fate or whatever you call it to do it's thing. How refreshing life is at the moment since I am being pleasantly surprised by someone who I had never met before a couple of weeks ago. The uniqueness of life in existence is proving it's truth to me today. I am elevated above the normal emotions and stresses the day usually brings to a place where I am inured of petty or chaotic feelings. There are many things I could say now but probably the most truthful thing would be is that I have an extra dose of happiness coursing through me and I am willing to tell you about it. It is in the How I am living today, with no desire to forge my own destiny only to live in each second of every second I have left to live. I am not navigating a course for myself I am just letting myself drift on the current of life and making principled decisions wherever they appear for me to make. I have found the key to living my life. Simply put, I am just being and allowing my presence to be felt in how I am just being. Always doing the next right and good and fair and generous and strong thing that defines the best of what I have within my soul.

Take the leap (#256)

This posting is about my thoughts on dating. I found someone who I think I can enjoy a relationship with here in New Mexico. I am going to take the leap and go on a date with her. She has accepted my invitation to go out, somewhere yet to be determined. I have an excited edge to me not unlike the feelings I had when I was a teenager and was going out on my initial dates. I called her up on the phone and asked her if she would like to go out sometime soon and she said yes. It is always such a relief when a woman tells me yes, she would like to go out on a date. I told her I felt a little awkward asking her out and she laughed at my statement. That little laugh was what I needed to relax and start the rest of our conversation about where to go and how to figure that out. When I was done with the phone call I felt really good about the call and how we were able to navigate those first few awkward moments. I am a gentlemen and will continue to be a gentlemen on our date but I will also be warm and thoughtful of our time together and hopefully advance our date to another one and become closer as time dictates. I am still a little nervous since I just don't ask women out without having a good feel for how I feel about them. So this is my first date in a very long time and I feel a bit rusty. I am sure that once we are together and out and about I will not feel the nervousness but will just be my fun loving self and try to make her feel like she is the center of my attention. She will be the center of my attention and getting to know her better is why we will be doing whatever we do wherever we are at. I am looking forward to sharing my time with a woman who is attentive to me as well. Good luck to both of us.

My happiness comes from within me (#255)

There is no doubt within me that my happiness is not dependent on anything outside of me. I have found that living other people's expectations is not for me. Living my own expectations is. My truth can be hard to discern at times but I find that discerning my truth is worth my invested time. Not every solution I come across for myself is a happy solution. I feel lonely occasionally by the outcomes that present themselves to me. I will always be tempted to modify my outcomes in order to be apart of some group so that the loneliness can be abated. I know this temptation is wrong and I will not follow it's allure. Compromising my principles for the sake of my own fallibility's is dishonest and weak. What I have found also is that the greatest achievement I strive to leave in my life's wake is a comprehensive consistency of values and principles in how I live my life. My personal failings are not the point of my life and will not be given any dispensation. The adage, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, is valid in a metaphorical sense when applied to how I must continue to be the better and best of human nature as an example of who I wish to become. This is the greater goal of mine. I will not sacrifice my truth because I have the outcome of loneliness as an occasional occurrence. My happiness is greater than loneliness or any other personal failing I experience. The shaping of who I am is continual and does not rely on emotional or societal factors, just the best of human principles. True happiness indeed!

An Ocean of tears in my heart (#254)

There will never be enough time for me to tell you of all the things in this world that make tears in my heart. A world as magnificent as Planet Earth yet just as mightily human ability to harm ourselves overwhelmingly. My little universe of living is peaceful and seldom more chaotic than calm, yet just beyond my presence is a world full of pain and suffering caused mostly by selfish and non-caring attitudes. It is abominable that occasionally I must tell the Universe my apology for how my family of humans behaves toward one another. I am not our spokesman, however I will speak at truth when it comes to my doorstep. I am not ashamed to being human but at times I don't feel the might and right that humanity should constantly permeate within me. I have given any fear the boot from my life and will not stand by idly when less than principled behavior or verbal cognition is displayed. When the gentler souls of our humanity are in pain then I am in pain. My greatest attribute is that my strength is everyone else' strength when I can positively contribute. My heart, my humanity and my compassion will never feel defeat only victory or death. That is my promise to all of humanity.

The people we meet (#253)

I have had the privilege of meeting many people who have become so memorable in my mind. I suppose it is a combination of character and principle that stands out the most. I know that we are all unique and individual in our own right, but some of the people I have met have left an imprint on me that is eternal to who I am because they came into my life. It is amazing to me that there are times that I don't recognize them initially when I encounter them but upon further self-examination I conclude their significance for what it truly is. I wish I was more computer-like in being able to assimilate and evaluate information in a constant present state, but that is not how I am hard-wired. The fact that I eventually collate all my thoughts into a consortium of ideas is what I have to live with. Regardless, I am still impressed by the variety of souls who pass through my life. It is my contention that we all help to make each other who we are by being ourselves. We have the ability, if we choose, to recognize the best of others and try to emulate those best traits where we need them into our lives. If all I get are memories of the individuals who have crossed my path then lucky me for that small smile I reveal when I put those thoughts to reflection. I can never say this enough, what an honor it is for me to be in existence and know how much I truly appreciate all the good that existence has to offer.

What is my motivation? (#252)

What makes me tick. something within me when I was a child forced me to decide how I wanted to represent me. I did an examination of how I wanted to be and then focused my time on becoming that. Initially my instinct of who I was inside me at the time has been consistent with who I have been inside me since then. I correctly realized that I wanted to do good and help others. Too many times I had spent uncomfortable moments in circumstances that did not put good and helping others as priorities. I felt uncomfortable when I was in situations that were not good or selfish. I made it my goal to find a way to make my reality better than the reality was in general when I was not in control of the circumstances. Today I find my comfort zone with how I live and what I do to represent me. I see life as a gift. What a miracle it is for me to be alive and in this existence. Somehow I will continue to express myself based upon the principles of good and helpfulness until the end of my life here in existence.

Technology and the human experiment (#251)

Life to me has been like a crash course. One complication after another just waiting for an acceptable solution. I now realize that I don't need to be immersed in the process to find the solution. I can just be me, Carl, and do what I know to be the best of what I can and accept and go on to the next situation. I will not live or die by any one particular choice I make, but I have to treat my choices with due diligence given. Through the process of trial and error, the implementation of common sense and the practice of logic I have come to know some general solutions that can be applied to most of the situations I encounter in my life. There are some situations that require more from me than what I have to give. This is where I have come to rely on technology to help me understand situations I am less familiar with. Searching data banks online, talking to others with more expertise and/or experience through online media to help fill in some of the questions I have before I can make a decision, have become necessary. My human experience is enhanced by technology because I am able to communicate in a way I did not have when I was younger. Learning to adjust and change my life to new forms of communication and learning has been an adventure I particularly enjoy.

Paying attention to the details (#250)

Success can be experienced by how well I am able to resolve every issue before me. The success I am talking about is the conscious effort I give to mediate every circumstance that requires attention and then even to every circumstance that does not require attention. How well do I want to do a task I am responsible for? That is always the first premise in the logical sequence I outline for my taking on any task. I keep myself aware of what the particulars are of any project I am doing and try to break that project down as well as break down my process in order to look at and evaluate the smaller details of the whole assignment. It is amazing to me that every time I break down the project and process as far as I can the whole picture of the assignment comes into focus. I am also given insight into how and where my sticking points or trouble spots are going to effect the entire project. As I look closer at the details the solutions become more and more readily apparent. When I eventually get done with an assignment I see that all those little details that I have been successful in navigating toward their solution have made the whole of the project appear to have been smoothly completed. By my giving the smallest of the details as much attention as the largest of the details I have found a way to be successful in completing my task.

The Universe (#249)

Wow, what a title for my little daily blog. I wonder how I am going to say something of an enlightened nature about something that is obviously so mysterious. I am within the universe, I believe. With that premise I can conclude that I am a part of the Universe as well. I don't know where I am going with this but follow along if you care and we will see where this can take us. If I am part of the Universe then that logic would make me a Universal being. Unique within the Universe in that most of what I know of the Universe is made up of inanimate objects. The other animate objects appear to be of a degree of life-form not as gifted with obvious abilities such that are inherent within the Human species. This echelon of uniqueness that humans inhabit within the Universe is at a level that appears to have no peers or more physically gifted beings. If that is the case then Humanity sits alone, for now, at the top rung of uniqueness of animate objects within the Universe. Certainly, many arguments about a higher omnipresent power will be advanced as well as the argument that greater gifted life-forms also inhabit the Universe beyond our ability to discover them. But for now only the sense of our physical preceptors can give us empirical data to justify logic for the sake of all of us being on a common thread of agreement, generally. My contention is that armed with only what we sense with our 5 senses can we at least establish a baseline for our habitation within the Universe. I look forward to continuing this line of reasoning at another time and also incorporating our gut feelings and intuitions as a variation to the 5 senses.

Happy in my own skin (#248)

This is my theme for the day. Happy in my own skin. It has taken me most of my life to date to finally reflect on the fact that I am not anxious about who I am or what I am. I am me. Nothing special but totally unique. I am not worried about what you think of me, again, I am not worried about what you think of me. Life is too short and and I have things I want to see and do and say. The only entity that I temper my humility towards is the Universe. All things. Pretty cool. I am judged by everything and everything is my master. There is a calm within me in accepting that I am required to be the best I have in me. Granted these are my own personal standards. Kind of circular how I did that, I mean I am comfortable in my own skin as long as I am held accountable by everything. It fits my natural instinct of compassion and curiosity to perfection. I have always been my own worst critic, now I can be my own worst critic with the expectation that I must and will stand behind the principles of good and fair without doubt in myself or through superficial criticisms from others. I am free to be me without fear. I like who I am and I am not ashamed of who I am. I am not special, just unique, that is all I can say about me. The rest of what I am can be judged by all those who wish to judge who I am. I am glad that after all these years I have found my soul and not found it lacking. What time I have left on this Planet is all just a pleasure, a privilege to be part of an existence that allows for thought to be expressed and senses to be enjoyed.

The Power outside of me (#247)

What I choose to call fate or destiny or the natural occurrence of events has begun to have a new meaning to me. I am finding that a form or power outside of me is shaping my direction as to how I get to where I am wanting to go. You may say well what type of evidence do you have to support your contention that shaping of your present and future is occurring Carl? I would respond that when I try to do something with an intent and an incompleteness occurs, the follow-up attempt without an intent arrives me at a better place than when I first tried with an intent. This may seem confusing and even to me it does not fully explain my experience, however it is close and I don't want to muddy up my explanation any further by trying to explain my explanation. Suffice it to say that something seems to be guiding me toward my truth and my natural essence. To maybe give more insight could be helpful. It is as if I have been ignoring who I am and wanting just for the sake of wanting. Now I am in a closer relationship with who I am and what I want is what I feel within me. My truth is coming to the consciousness of my thoughts and actions. I have a long way to go to ever fully understand myself but I have begun the process and the natural order of events in my life seem to be directed by more than my own intuition. I am the humble servant of existence today and yet existence seems to have a purpose for me. I am waiting and willing to allow existence to take me where existence wants me to be.

I continue to change (#246)

How appropriate this subject is for me today. Nothing special to report but just how I am feeling about my life and my future this morning. I am getting ready to decide on a return home date for a break from work within the next few weeks. It is amazing to me that I am somewhat reluctant to leave the work right now when it is starting to become efficiently operated. Being a member of a team of people to bring about an accomplishment of a projected goal is a rewarding feeling. On the other side of my decision are the family and friends I have been away from for going on two months. It is starkly mindful when I have a view in my head of a particular place back home and a longing sensation fills me of many memories of it. I know that the rest I would get would be welcome. I am running on the edge of my effectiveness. How much longer I can go like this is beginning to become a concern for me. I am not in any jeopardy, health-wise, but it could become a factor later on at this pace. I have less feelings for staying and more feelings for going home on a break but the difference is not much. I suppose that the end of this job, which is in the first week of December, is soon, but probably not soon enough to warrant not taking the offered break. Besides, there are some faces I need to look at that belong to people I really care about. As I continue to notice small changes in myself, I realize that I will not be going back the same man I was when I left. How appropriate.

The Tapestry of our lives (#245)

The Tapestry of our lives is who we are and how we present that. It isn't always clear how and who we are at the time so the important thing to remember is that if we hold closely to our ideals through fairness and causing no harm we should have quite an accurate picture of ourselves as we continue through time in existence. The richness and fullness that is felt as a sensation within our emotions can be the most rewarding experience life has to offer. It is amazing that the little small inconsequential actions that make up all the big and bigger actions of our lives have such a profound impact on the biggest actions we make as human beings. The sense I hope to have at the end of my life is one knowing full well the disappointments and success' in total can be counted as a positive influence during my time on Planet Earth. To have the awareness that what I have lived as and about, is a close to what I hope for all to have, as much as is within my power to make or create. I am already satisfied with my time on Earth and can only hope to make what time I have left even more enjoyable. Everything ties together like a tapestry, every decision and action I make has a consequence that effects who and what I am. I am so happy to be in a place where my life is greater than any one event, I truly am blessed with this opportunity to be alive

Never too late (#244)

It is evening already and I am just sitting down to start my daily blog, how extraordinary. I have normally finished my blog by early morning. It is my contention that the earlier I write, the more thought provoking and insightful my comments may be. As I am writing this now though I don't sense any wavering in my thoughts. Maybe my thoughts are not as illuminating as they might be if I was operating off of a good long sleep. I know that physically I am tired and very well could be operating under the illusion that I have all my brain cells in fine working order. There is also another factor to consider, I had a somewhat difficult root canal done on one of my molars this morning and I might be affected by the drilling and medication. I am not attempting to excuse my writing as just a bunch of hash, but I do wish to make a clear point about something. What that something is has not been revealed by me yet but most assuredly I am coming up to it now. The free flow of thought regardless of time and space is both, equally magnificent and quite ordinary. Of all the thoughts that have been thought to think that I might, daily no less, come up with a new or original thought is arrogance to infinity. What I try to do however is to rearrange words and thoughts to allow for new conventions and new rationalizations. Thinking, or in my case writing, can be the first in a series of premises that may bring forth a conclusion that could be relevant to us or our ancestors.