Sunday, January 28, 2018

Recognizing care for me always too late (#3285)

     I must be one of the worst at recognizing when someone I care about is giving me signs that they care about me too. I suppose it is a shell I have put myself in for all the times I thought I recognized care but was soberly rebuffed. One's hope can only take so much before it starts to give up. So I am not the great outlier I may at first thought since I was only trying to protect myself. But in that protecting I missed a few real efforts by others to break through to me. Of course I see it on reflection because that seems to be my modus operandi. Always figuring it out after it has left and gone. Be that as it may though I can see that at least I am figuring it out however late it is. So the work I need to do before I my end eventually comes is to make sure the shell I have built around me is broken and I am once again at the mercy of the fates.
     I know better now what signs to look for when trying to recognize care. For me life would be so much more simple if we all just said how we feel about each other without having to preface everything with a sign. No more trying to guess when the truth of the answer is always better, regardless of which way the answer goes. But that is hopeful and wishful thinking. I expect it is because we don't want to set ourselves up as easy targets for the wolves out there and also the romance of finding someone through the maze of life with the clues and guesses is somehow magical. At some point in life though the reality of how we feel about each other should overrule the magic of the chase.
     All this to say is that I am a loser at guessing who cares for me and that is my lot so far. One of these days I hope that someone will make it more than obvious for me because obviously I need more than just the regular clues. lol. Life is fun no matter what but sharing it with someone who wants to share it back is what most all of us strive for and why not me too? Anyway, this was fun since I am sitting here with a smile on my face and inside laughing at myself for even writing this. But it is here now and I am not going to erase it. Good luck to all of us and maybe a little bit more for me. :)

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