(#5170) Taking the day to just feel how I feel

      Thursdays are a day off for me these days so in lieu of doing anything, since really nothing is pressing, I am just going to see how I feel. So far, after getting up early, I feel tired and it isn't even 8 in the morning yet. But to just feel the tiredness is not enough. I want to know how deeply tired I am because there are different types of tiredness. Bone tired I know. That is when you could just lay down anywhere and immediately fall asleep. Sore tired is another type. It is when you have exhausted your muscles to the point of pain. That is another type of tired that would knock me right out once I laid down. What I am feeling is neither of those. Instead it is a deep inner tiredness that doesn't necessarily require me to fall asleep quickly.
     What it is though is the kind of tired that needs weeks if not months of rest to overcome. I think it is the kind of tired that I have been building up over years that is finally starting to creep into my every waking moment. I am full up with tiredness and need to relax and rest for a long period of time to get myself back to feeling energized again. I don't know how I can ever relax and rest for a month or two given my constant responsibilities. Yet I do know the cure. So maybe I need to get a little bit of rest where possible and quit creating more opportunities for me to remain tired. My health is the most important thing for me to manage at the moment so it should be a really high priority for me.
     Yet that is not how I am wired. I need to be doing things. I am no procrastinator nor slackard. I have a mind that is constantly humming along and it needs its body to follow through with it. So my dilemma is easily understood. Find a way to convince my mind that resting my body is more important for a time than anything else. This has been an important writing for me today in that it helps me put into clarity the concept that rest is healthy and necessary when it is sorely needed. I can always do things later that I push myself to do and that is okay. I suppose I am of an age now where the production I get out of myself is less important than the time I really need to just sit back and relax. Today I will try to put into place this very concept of getting my mind to help my body get back to a more energized state of being.