(#4856) Growing up was a hard thing but it has to be done

     I remember my teenage years and how inadequate I felt most of the time. Back then I could assuage that feeling a lot of the time with drugs and drink but the problem of it never left me. We could do much more as growing children than is possible now so that was why the drugs and drink were an option. I did all the class work at school, played on sports teams and was generally a good guy, yet I didn't feel like I was worthy of anything special in my life. Like I had no depth or insight into what life is all about. I am sure I was not the only one even through the generations. But I did eventually learn that no matter how insignificant I may have felt there was always a hope within me to find my place on this planet.
     I survived the rough and tumble of fitting in and being accepted that junior high and high school forces upon all of us so that was good. But I knew of many who didn't and then dropped out of school because they didn't need the daily harassing shit that they too often were subjected. Despite that though many of us were able to finish school and move on into our lives with not too much difficulty. In my own case there was a longing for anything else than marriage and a nine to five job. I had to explore my surroundings and be free to live vicariously while I was still young and vibrant. I think about those days now and even though they may have seemed a waste to outsiders to me they were timely and well spent.
     Trying now to live in my golden years is a joke because life has taken its toll on me and the idea I could do and see the things I saw when I was still young, now, is ludicrous. I am barely able to do the chores and limited work projects that in my mind have to be done. So being a wild man gambling his life on many outrageous but exciting entertainments and adventures while still surviving absolutely cannot be done at my current age. After I spent my desires for wild and crazy times I was able to settle into a more general nine to five type life and also pick an occupation, several actually, that I liked and found challenging. All in all the hard in my life served to make my life much clearer to me after realizing that I did belong on this planet and without a doubt deserving of happiness and my choices to make.