(#5370) Time is not on my side

      That is what happens when we get older. Time begins to run out and all the things that seemed important before that revelation are all of a sudden not that important. This is the crossroads I am at in this moment. I am still working to get some things moved along but I am not planning much of anything beyond that other than to settle into the thought that I need to square up my own life and begin to plan for my leaving it. I suppose that doesn't matter much either but to me it is part of who I am. Sort of my legacy of how I lived and what I hope will be how others want to live.
     I am still caring for my brother in the hospice facility as best I can but it is so hard to watch and listen to him slowly fading from who he was. It does remind me that my own life which is less than two years shorter than John's is not far away from my own final chapter. I have no illusions about the coming end for me I just want to keep living with the ideal that somehow I made life easier for others. It has always been who I am. The one constant even through the rough times I allowed in my life I always cared for others because I knew despair and little to no hope myself.
    Because I have been at the bottom I have been reinforced with the knowledge that no one should have to be at the bottom. If we all could somehow find it within ourselves to lift up that bottom to a place where despair and hopelessness are not all that there is then maybe our lives and world will find itself a much more happier place. We can begin to feel good about what really matters in life. Not some sports score or some big capital gain. But about seeing others with a brightness in their eyes and a spring in their step. We the people are all of us not just some of us. We need to never forget how close we all could be to despair and hopelessness.