(#4688) The monthly struggle to pay the bills

      The first of the month is the hardest part of the month. Sure I get to pay the existing bills but then the rest of the month becomes a chore as to how to budget for it. Going into temporary debt is the likely scenario, only to be paid off at the beginning of the next month and then the cycle begins again. Soon I hope through frugal spending habits to get myself ahead of the economic game. When I actually have cash budgeted for the entire month then I will be satisfied that my efforts have been worthy. Yet there is always something unexpected that happens to bring me back down into negative balances.
     I should be happy nonetheless because I have little credit card debt and I own my own home outright such as it is. So as I sweat the little things I am overall in a good place. None of this would be possible if I hadn't found the courage and will to change my life from destructive patterns. I stopped doing the arrogant and foolish things that kept denying me a future with hope and promise. So these monthly battles I have with budgeting and scraping by are really a good sign that I have a pathway toward a healthy and acceptable life. It has been my honor to be alive and live a fairly good life and keeping my head above hopelessness is an example of that.
     How fortunate I am to be someone who appreciates the efforts of others who came before me to raise up the level of life to a point where despair and disgust are not the only future for me. I am smiling this morning despite my enduring struggle to not only take care of myself but to help others as I am able. I have not forgotten that actually living life for its benefits is greater than kicking dirt and raising my fist to the sky. I have finite days in life left and being a good steward of what I am responsible for and being upbeat about that responsibility is more important to me than any bucket list or thought that I may have missed out on something. It is good to struggle to pay the bills until I get to the point where it is great to not have to do that.