(#4709) Grateful for what I have sorrowful for what I've lost

      I am no big believer in the holiday season per se. Of course as a child I was because I really didn't know why we did things but when those things were exciting like presents and wonderful meals I did have an expectation of happiness. As I have grown older and more aware of what life could be I am less excited about holidays that have less to do with the realism of our democracy and more to do with mythology. Yet as the year ends I do get caught up in the notion of what the previous and new year have brought and will bring. A sort of pause in time to reflect as it were.
     Nothing is different this year end as I think about what I still have and what I have lost. The haves far outweigh the losses and that is always special. There are no guarantees in this existence so coming out ahead is fortune and that should never be underappreciated. When the losses are weighed the pain and disappointment are heavy. Like a weakening of the soul, my spirit numbs itself so much so that my physical body feels it. But like all things alive we have this duality to us that has both the good and bad intermixed. But what got me thinking along this line of reasoning this morning was the losses being amplified above the many fortunes I have experienced.
     I don't wonder why this is but I do understand it. When good fortune strikes me it is welcomed but not sought. When loss strikes me it is unexpected and harsh. The balance between good fortune and loss is not an equal equation to me. The losses hit harder and deeper than any feel good fortune. I do appreciate and work for good fortune to come into my life but by no means would I ever hope for good fortune at the expense of loss. I understand my nature and embrace it as it is. So I am grateful for all the good that is in my life at the same time remorseful for what loss has occurred. I know I am fortunate in so many ways and even that makes me sorrowful as our society continues to favor some over others.