(#5397) I want to talk about uncomfortableness

      This concept has been on my mind for well over a week when I started thinking about comfort. Given the pros and cons of being comfortable or not has found me on the side of uncomfortable. Especially in a relationship. This is how I see it. If I find a woman who makes me uncomfortable around her then that is a good thing when I am attracted to her. It means I do not take her for granted. It also means I have to be on my toes in order to maintain my relationship with her. Uncomfortableness in these areas are very good for me. I am one of those persons who does not expect any deserve or entitlement out of life. I know that every second of life is one where nothing can be taken for granted.
     It may sound odd or counter intuitive to want to be uncomfortable in a relationship but I have been in relationships in the past where the comfort became boring and less attractive. I know who I am and I need to be more than kicked back and easy going as if I have won something. I need to be challenged in many areas of my life and without the need to be motivated, especially in a relationship, I fail to live up to the better and best of what my life does offer. There is an edge to my life that needs to be sharpened so there is no goal line that I am aiming for, no, instead there is an ideal that I am always on the path toward, following wherever it takes me.
     So yes, I need to be with a woman who makes me feel uncomfortable. Not by anything in particular she is doing but in how I perceive my good fortune in having found her. I have met women like that in my past and let them go because I was not up to the challenge of making myself available to them. No more. I am not torn by insecurities nor perceived shortcomings. I am just a man looking to find a woman who challenges me in ways not even I can explain properly. Except to say she makes me feel uncomfortable around her. I guess it is a pheromone thing and a how lucky am I to be liked or loved by her thing. Glad to get this subject behind me because it was on my mind and needed describing.